Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna Had a Baby and I Sort of Care!

Do you want to hear my “dreams do come true” joke?

11.10.16
ROB & CHYNA -- Season:1 -- Pictured: (l-r) Rob Kardashian, Blac Chyna -- (Photo by: Tommy Garcia/E! Entertainment/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images)

Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna had a baby and I sort of care! Why??

Because do you really want to read yet another think piece right now? I don’t. I want a think-less piece.

Hit it, Aretha!

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*From over the loudspeakers*

“R-E-S-P-I-T-E”

That’s right, respite. You need one and I need one, so everyone throw your hands up and say THANK YOU to this Dream child for being born!

(Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna named their baby Dream Kardashian.)

SO many good things here.

1) In times of gloom, there is nothing like the birth of a baby to bring people to light, no matter how emotionally invested you are in the parents. “Not a baby person” and think they all look like loaf-of-bread-sized centenarians? Sniff any baby’s scalp and tell me that doesn’t smell like heaven.

2) “She is gorgeous and has tons of hair!” a source tells E! News. When the woman who waxes me was prepping for maternity leave and passing me on to another esthetician, she said the same exact thing! Not to brag.

3) Leslie Price, our editorial director, pointed out that this is finally Rob’s moment. Finally!!! This is her speaking: “The socks were not the moment. Reality TV — not the moment. But the baby, you guys. Dream? Dream is the moment. Dream big.”

Dream Big is going to be the name of Dream’s future franchise for sure, not to momager her.

4) “Both looked comfortable in black sweatshirts and sweatpants,” wrote E! News of their maternity ward style. Maternity ward style is probably the new athleisure and the best part is that, as with athleisure, you don’t have to actually plan to visit the venue you’re dressed for.

5) Blac Chyna also “brought two big Louis Vuitton tote bags filled with leopard throw blankets and sheets with her to the hospital!” The E! News reporter added that fun exclamation point (there was one in the following sentence, too) which really helped me as a reader get into the spirit of things. I love a superfluous exclamation point. You know that if you’ve ever read your MR Horoscope.

In conclusion, babies rule. Universal fact. They are non-partisan and they make everyone happy. They are weirdly hot at all times and might make you sweat a bit if you hold one for too long. You can not get mad at them for how they voted, because they don’t vote, and you can’t get mad at them for that, either.

And that’s it. That’s seriously all I have for you. It is almost Friday!

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