Prince Harry Sets Important Boyfriend Precedent

This is how you DTR

11.08.16
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Prince Harry addressed the press by way of Kensington Palace letterhead today and asked them to leave American actress Meghan Markle — his girlfriend — alone.

Markle has been trolled online with racial slurs, threats and sexist comments. She and her mother have been harassed by reporters and photographers. She was “smear[ed] on the front page of a national newspaper” (which The Guardian believes to be The Sun’s misleading front page headline, “Harry’s Girl on Pornhub”; the clips on Pornhub are from the television show Suits, in which she stars). “This is not a game,” reads the statement. “[I]t is her life and his.”

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We’ve established that women are their own white knights. I’d bet Markle was not sitting around, waiting for Prince Harry to come to her defense. That being said, it doesn’t mean she wants her partner to sit idly by while she’s getting harassed (essentially on his behalf), like, “Well my grandma, the queen, says it’s better if I keep quiet on the matter.” Issuing this statement was an honorable and cool thing for PH to do.

But let it also be known that what Prince Harry just did was set a precedent for All Relationships Going Forward:

“His girlfriend, Meghan Markle”…

“…a few months into the relationship with him…”

“His girlfriend…”

“…a few months into the relationship…”

“His girlfriend…”

PRINCE HARRY JUST PUBLICLY DTR’D SO HARD THAT IT REQUIRED FORMAL, ROYAL STATIONERY.

DTR = Define the relationship = using the titles Girlfriend and Boyfriend DESPITE THE FACT THAT “it’s only been a few months” = there will be ZERO ambiguity, gray space or confusion about what he and Meghan Markle “are.” He is her boyfriend, she is his girlfriend. It’s an agreement more clean than Taylor’s Swift’s guitar strings after she Cloroxed the blood, sweat and tears post-John Mayer split-up.

Now may I have everyone in the whole wide world’s attention:

***To avoid future confusion in this messed-up millennial world of choice, commitment phobia, fear of labels despite actions of exclusivity and app-centric dating, THIS IS HOW YOU MAKE IT CLEAR THAT SOMEONE IS/IS NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND.***

Facebook, you can keep your “it’s complicated” setting. No one uses it.

Snapchat, be my guest with those drama-packed icons that hint at who might be flirting with whom.

Instagram, I see you, luring me into a potential fight with that tricky who’s following who shit.

I will be over here with my potential future boyfriend, printed-out template, fountain pen, monogrammed letterhead stamp and hard-to-figure-out-but-it-does-work scanner. “Post this to a public forum or I am single until you do” is the new Young Love gold standard.

Photo by Ben A. Pruchnie via Getty Images.

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