1. If you project enough attitude, black and white doesn’t have to be, you know, black and white.
2. Hair is nothing more, nothing less than an accessory to punctuate your outfit.
3. Cement lions will only ever be as audacious as the legs that garnish them.
4. Little Red Riding Hood has nothing on Bumping Black Biking Hood.
4a. Bumping Black Biking Hood?
5. Bras can be tops can be necklaces can be disregarded altogether.
6. Denim cut-offs are like sliced bread in that everyone knows about them but not everyone feels as though they can, or should, wear them. Remember this.
7. Wear a guitar as a skirt if you can.
7a. But not while you’re posing nude in a bathtub, possibly foretelling future Daria Werbowy-powered Céline ads.
8. Red lipstick does not have to be intimidating. Treat it like Chapstick.
8a. Brush your hair but only ironically.
8b. Until irony starts trending, then brush it earnestly.
8c. Into a delicate pile of banana curls.
8d. Wrapped with a bow.
9. Avoid pants.
10. Never forget the 90s happened but respect that you’re no longer in them.
11. Avoid pants.
11a. Unless they promise an obtusely high waist and at least the semblance of a flare.
11b. Or compartment B in the grander scheme of a suit.
12. Respect your belt holes: clip suspenders to them.
13. Wear what you want and only what you want. Reject the popular opinion — life’s too short to wear stuff you don’t like.