How to Read Your Own Palm

A super cool trick that will either make your night or ruin everything.

10.31.16

This story is from October 2016, but what better time to bring back than the holidays? Make this your new party trick and try it out on your family!

The art of palmistry dates back several thousand years. A million interpretations of it exist, but — just for you — I did some research (Google) and some curating, then sprinkled in modern, much-needed context. Because I love you, your palms and your chirological foretellings. (That means palm reading. I told you I researched!) In the event that you’re kind of bored, are feeling a little dazzled by the dark arts or are just in the mood to feel something, read on and give this a whirl.

how-to-read-your-own-palm-man-repeller-guide

1. SUN LINE

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A long vertical sun line indicates a super-lucky life (you never place a bad bagel order, you have lots of good hair days, you only had braces once). A blurred line suggests lack of focus (you have 78 tabs open at all times, you’ve half-watched several shows on Netflix, you have 12 different dream jobs). A hard worker’s line curves toward the thumb (you got all A’s, you don’t take too many Ubers, you go to bed before 11 p.m.).

2. HEALTH LINE

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A health line that crosses the life line suggests ill health and inherited illnesses (your whole family is lactose intolerant, you ate Twizzlers for breakfast, you lie about how much your drink to your doctor). A wavy line indicates digestive problems (you get diarrhea three times a week, you don’t eat gluten, you’ve pooped in 72 different Starbucks). A blurred line shows a lack of stamina (you love an elevator, you start saying you’re tired ~2 p.m., you don’t like being on top).

3. FATE LINE

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The absence of a fate line indicates an uneventful life (you remember finding $5 in 1994, you eat the same thing for breakfast every day, you’ve never pulled an all-nighter); a double line foretells two careers (you have a lot of slashes in your Instagram bio, you sold weed for a minute in high school). If your fate line ends on the head line, that reveals a tendency towards errors in judgment (you’ve shaved off both your eyebrows, you went through a bedazzling phase).

4. LIFE LINE

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A long life line indicates excellent health (you eat raw vegetables and don’t ask for a medal, you tell people you just like to exercise, you always get a flu shot). Someone with a double line may be a twin, or even lead a double life (you’ve secretly seen every season of The Bachelor). Breaks or splits suggest a change of direction in life (you recently went blonde, you’ve been vegan for two months and talk a lot about it, you just moved to New York).

5. HEAD LINE

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A head line touching both sides of the palm indicates a self-centered, focused individual (you write in a journal every night, you spend a lot of time thinking about that one weird tooth, you can read while the TV is on). A forked line suggests a talent for communication and public speaking (you give good wedding toasts, your mouth doesn’t become the Sahara Desert during presentations, you tell your partner what you want).

6. HEART LINE

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A curved heart line, some distance from the fingers, reveals a generous, sensual and loving nature (you pet your friends a lot, you never leave a Venmo request hanging, you give good birthday presents). A broken line indicates a tendency to be unfaithful (SparkNotes was your homepage in high school, you have a fear of sending the wrong text to the wrong person, you totally talk shit).

7. MARRIAGE LINE

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A straight long marriage line indicates deep and lasting love (you think your partner is better than everyone else, the two of you discuss your poop, you aren’t threatened by his or her success). If your marriage line is short, it indicates passionlessness (sex bores you to tears, so does chocolate, you low-key hate romance). If it’s also shallow, you usually lack the patience to pursue love (dating apps make you sick, so does dating, you hate talking to strangers).

8. MONEY LINE

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If the lines are many, deep, clear and straight, this shows you are smart, good at investing and could make a fortune (your IQ is lit, you’ve worn the same winter coat for years, people keep asking if you’re hiring interns). Waved money lines show your fortune is not stable (you’re a freelancer, you sometimes go through hedonistic shopping phases, your credit score is confused). Intermittent money lines often indicate bad wealth fortune (you’re sick of instant ramen, your identity is constantly stolen, you reversed your 401k to buy 53 pairs of wedge sneakers in 2012).

Info gathered from yourchineseastrology.com.

Guide designed by Emily Zirimis.

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