7 Ridiculous Things I’ve Done to Procrastinate

And this was only in the last week.

09.06.16
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Consider this: life is just one long domino trail of procrastinations until death.

After writing that sentence I fixed myself lunch and spent three minutes searching for music that would make me feel productive.

But…

Ate the lunch.

That actually doesn’t really make sense — got a glass of water — but it did delay — and a piece of gum — having to jump the psychological hurdle of admitting I procrastinateStood up. Sat back down. Moved to the couch.

The above is an honest documentation of the ways I put off starting this particular story. I won’t deny it’s appalling and embarrassing. But also, child’s play. Grabbing some food, getting a glass of water, scrolling through Facebook…that’s Procrastination 101. Talk to me when you’re researching a murder that occurred in 1962 while on hold with USPS. Now that’s some advanced shit. Advanced because of the commitment required, yes, but also because it’s almost kind of useful in its own way, you know? You’re dissecting criminals minds and tracking down a package!

At least that’s what I tell myself. I have a knack for engaging in a sort of unfocused productivity when I’m avoiding something, particularly when I’ve chugged a lot of coffee in an effort to stay on task. For this I have a dim sense of pride. Should Alanis Morissette have worked this scenario into her song?

Here are some of the most absurd things I’ve done to put something off IN THE LAST WEEK:

Renewed my passport

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Was avoiding: writing 10 things I’ve learned since moving to New York.

Conclusion:

-Nothing says “I’m on top of my shit” like printing out government documents.

-I actually have a sheet of stamps and a tiny portrait in my wallet now, like a real dad!

Learned nothing about New York in the process.

Poured over old journal entries

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Was avoiding: going the F to bed.

Conclusion:

-I’ve been learning the same lessons over and over for five years, including the value of sleep.

-It’s frighteningly well-documented.

-Life is insane and I’m tired.

Dusted my floorboards

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Was avoiding: Writing confessions of a snacker.

Conclusion:

-Writer’s block is actually the only thing that could ever get me to do this.

-I would gladly engage in any of the activities listed here if this task was actually on my to-do list.

-My cat is getting too floofy.

Responded to an old Linkedin message

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Was avoiding: Organizing my messy to-do list.

Conclusion:

-It’s weird to respond to messages people don’t remember sending.

-…regarding industries you’re no longer a part of.

-Linkedin is bad, my to-do list is worse.

Gone three days deep in my Venmo feed

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Was avoiding: Emotional growth.

Conclusion:

Venmo is an incredibly creepy way to stalk an ex.

-Some girl named Jenna paid some girl named Rachel for what I presume was coffee and eggs, based on the emoji.

-Someone take my phone away.

Archived 5-year-old emails

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Was avoiding: Writing there’s a college student in my cart.

Conclusion:

-I’ve been receiving some of the same junk mail for half a decade

-Yet still have not unsubscribed.

-This was utterly useless.

Written tomorrow’s to-do list

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Was avoiding: Doing today’s to-do list.

Conclusion:

-This is surely the most productive unproductive act.

-I feel crazy…

-Am I a good person?

Illustrations by Emily Zirimis.

proctrastinate

Get more Humor ?
  • Writing tomorrow’s to-do list to avoid today’s to-do list?
    I. FEEL. YOU.

    • Melissa

      One of the best ways to procrastinate. Look at all the things I’ll be getting done! I’m so productive. Now let me go outside, get a coffee, and stretch as a reward. Then when tomorrow comes, find a million other things to do that are no where near that to do list I made yesterday.

      • Haley Nahman

        I lol’d. Perfect.

  • Abby

    I’m procrastinating right now! And in a second I’m going to get a diet coke to procrastinate further.

  • Beatrice

    Ahhhh…. can deeply relate to the 1962 murder bit. I often find myself knee-deep in unsolved murders on Wikipedia when I’m supposed to be working on a project. I read about Rasputin for an hour yesterday. WHAT IS LIFE without procrastination?? I learn so much fun (useless) stuff!

  • Krista Anna Lewis

    My best procrastination: ebaying vintage cameras. My worst: ebaying Manolos.

    • krista! stop! buying! things! lol <3 jk love your new outfits always

  • Andrea Urdaneta

    I procrastinate reading Man Repeller.

  • Court E. Thompson

    Wikipedia is the best – I recommend the British monarchy as a nice long piece.

    I am currently apartment shopping for my move in April – instead of filling out check reqs.

    • Haley Nahman

      lol @ british monarchy

  • I have ONE major task to get done today. This task is apparently very overwhelming to me and instead of doing it, I’ve:

    – checked instagram a bajillion times.
    – reviewed my to-do list for work.
    – completed one thing on said to-do list.
    – researched hiking trails in my area.
    – reflected on my recent fitness history and decided that yes, i do need to work out more.
    – tried to hunt down the perfect pair of shoes for a wedding.
    – lightly internet stalked a guy i went on a date with.

    god this is embarrassing on reflection.

    • *update: the task has been completed.* i am not exaggerating when i say this article helped.

      • Haley Nahman

        PROUD

    • kellymcd

      Low key internwebz stalking men I’ve met/been on dates with is my favorite way to procrastinate

  • Taste of France

    Man, the things I do to procrastinate are the things you avoid, and the things you do to procrastinate are the things I avoid. I would totally rather write confessions of a snacker, or even a physics primer, than dust my floorboards!

    • Haley Nahman

      But I agree! That’s the catch.

  • Lemon

    during my prep time for the abitur, the german high school finals (i think equal to the american sat?) i repainted my bedroom! i suddenly felt like i needed a specifically shaded pink wall… another night during that same studying period my sister and i made muffins, and dropped one off at my best friend’s front door, and one at hers. we put them each in little paper sandwich bags with their name written on them so they knew it was intentionally left for them outside of their houses (in order for them to not recognize our handwriting, my sister put in so much effort to carefully stuff these lunchbags into the printer to print the names on). it was funny, my friend later called me like “so weird, what to do, someone left a muffin outside my house, who could it be, do you think it’s poisened”, and my sister’s bff called and talked about something else and just casually mentioned “oh, so yummie, someone left me a muffin outside, i ate it immediately” hahaha shows such different personalities. but yeah, definitely know how to procrastinate. favorite past time, that is also killing me.

    • Haley Nahman

      This is the most insane and coolest way to procrastinate

  • Emily Celeste

    Despite being pretty good at “getting stuff done,” I will sometimes rewrite a to-do list couple times over as a form of procrastination. The list just has to look aesthetically pleasing in order for me to actually accomplish it.

    • Haley Nahman

      I’m passionate about pretty to-do lists!

  • Most ridiculous procrastinating I’ve done lately? Moving to New York. In the middle of a job hunt.

    Conclusion:
    -I am not emotionally stable enough to be a grown-up.
    -I did not bring enough black/off-the-shoulder/short clothing.
    -I am still unemployed, so was this even the right move?
    (repeat ad infinitum)

  • When I was in labor, my husband completely freaked out and kept doing weird things to distract himself. At one point while I was running around (in between horrific contractions) getting our stuff together, he was paying our car insurance bill online.

    • Doubting Thomas

      I can see what he’s thinking here: wife about to give birth, the other guy behind the wheel . . . definitely want to be paid up on car insurance.

      He was probably wishing he could have tripled your coverage just then.

  • I feel as though, if this were my article, finding a playlist to listen to while doing my to do list would be number 1.

  • It took me two hours to read this article, I procrastinated between every sentence.

  • ETA: Wow, the comments section appears to belong to an entirely different article.

    I’ve got the same difficulty, sister. This is one of the biggest reasons I sew some of my own clothes. I’m not that interested in most major fashion trends, though, so it’s a bit easier for me. I can stick to some of the classic clothing retailers that actually acknowledge the existence of women shaped like me and that we like to get dressed in decent, stylish clothes, too.
    Have you tried eShakti? Custom sized clothing! Not crazy expensive, although it takes a bit longer to get your order because they’re all custom cut and sewn to your measurements. It’s not a blanket solution for really trendy stuff in your size, but it’s a good start.

    • Emily Zirimis

      Hi Stephani! Yeah, the comments seem to be scrambling up today, but the team is aware and working on it!!

      So glad I’m not alone in feeling this way! I also just checked out eShakti – really great to know that options like that exist out there! Thank you for sharing 🙂

  • Claudia Tetreault-Percy

    Everything about this. PREACH.

    • Emily Zirimis

      !!!! 🙂

  • nevvvvave

    Hi Emily, it means a lot to see your article on manrepeller because i’m sure a lot of women (including myself) read this blog who struggle with the duality of being so passionate about fashion and interested in experimenting with it but so rarely find their bodies acknowledged in mainstream fashion media- even on sites like Manrepeller which endorse being “different” or not adhering to trends- but still remain safe by boxing themselves into a single slender body type (or rarely showcasing style that falls within an affordable reality for most women, but thats a whole other issue…) . There’s an implicit understanding in fashion that only very specific bodies are meant to fill higher-end clothing and the way to keep larger bodies away from joining those ranks is quite simply to not make those sizes in the first place. Your post did a really good job in explaining that left-out feeling but it’s comforting to know that in the face of all this the pro’s outweigh the con’s where you work 🙂

  • TARA

    HOW INSPIRING. YOU LOOK RAD EMILY. X

    • Emily Zirimis

      Thank you, Tara!!! <3 <3

  • Svenja

    As a big fan of stripes I love every single one of those outfits. And you absolutely rock every single one of them!

    • Emily Zirimis

      Thank you @disqus_Y7lMBqdRu1:disqus for your kind words!! <3 <3 I'm a sucker for stripes too

  • Max

    Haley, I have a question about your Snapchat takeover. The “we’re so glad you’re here” coasters– did you get those from Birdy’s?

    • Krista Anna Lewis

      I’ve been wondering the same thing but keep forgetting to ask!

      Birdy’s is THE BEST.

      • Max

        Haley we need answers!!!!!

        Can MR host a community event at Birdy’s?

  • BK

    I like going on Wikipedia and reading the article titled List Of People Who Disappeared Mysteriously (it’s surprisingly long!)

  • Gretel Stroh

    I’m borderline plus size (16-18), and going shopping is discouraging. I’d love to at least try on a shredded pair of jeans, but combine living in a rural area and being a big size makes it hard. At the outlet mall on Monday, I wanted to try pants, but the vast majority of stores stop at 12 or 14. I’m only allowed to buy accessories in stores, and I’m embarassed to walk through them hoping something will fit me

    • grace b

      Agreed. My cousin frankly has been rocking Talbots since her teens and always looks great because she really loves the style and pulls it off without looking matronly. I do love their jeans. Other stores though? It can be a nightmare to squeeze into something. I found a dress that fit me at Anthro (on sale for $60) and will probably never give it up!

      • Emily Zirimis

        Completely agree re: looking matronly! That has always been another struggle of mine

    • Emily Zirimis

      Hi @gretel_stroh:disqus, thanks for your comment! Buying accessories at stores that I’d love to buy clothes at instead has been the story of my life!! Hoping that things will change soon for us, hang in there!

  • Gretel Stroh

    Why aren’t the comments relevant to the article?

    • Kate Barnett

      we’re working on it! had it fixed for a sec and are aggressively trying to fix again.

  • Harling Ross

    Emily if you don’t acquire a pair of tortoise frame glasses immediately I am going to swivel my chair around and…IDK

    • Emily Zirimis

      !!!! I know !!!! They’re on my list of Fall Goalz <3

  • Jessica H

    None of these comments are relevant to the article ? I am plus size, and it seems that the styling of this was done by people who have no idea how to dress bodies that aren’t size 2-6. Emily, keep doing you. You are beautiful and I love your art.

  • kneelbeforetigers

    Well, here’s my thought: if sites like MR and personalities like Leandra who have the ears of top designers would publicly speak out and demand FASHIONABLE options for plus-size, things would have a better chance to change. We need traditional sized advocates to use their platforms & challenge designers to expand clothing sizes!

    I will admit, things are better, but “fashionable” plus size folks are considered a niche blog-based audience. I’ve been in meetings where fashion execs have fully said that they believe PS folks (1) wouldn’t/couldn’t pay for high-end designs, (2) it would cost designers too much to fabricate and (3) why would [insert high end label/house] here want to be associated with plus size/fat people because it kills the exclusivity factor of their brands.

    The only one who I’ve recently (as in last 5 years) heard mention ANYTHING about PS is Marc Jacobs… he said he was thinking about it. And then poof, nada. Such a bummer, as I have the disposable income and can easily afford to buy the clothes.

  • Hannah Cole

    This is, unfortunately, my whole life. I even put off the things I WANT to do because procrastination has become such a disease!

  • Heina Dadabhoy

    I know these feelz so much. Being a size 16-18 AND a 9.5w means that I don’t even have shoes to comfort me about not being able to find as much in the way of cool clothes as I would like. I feel like I put 100x the effort (including price) into my wardrobe for only 1/10th of the cool factor more easily achieved by smaller fashionistas.

    • Emily Zirimis

      Hi @heinadadabhoy:disqus ! I completely hear you! And I know, as if being plus size wasn’t already hard enough, add in having a difficult shoe size and it becomes an impossible task to shop. Let’s keep making our voices heard and hopefully things will start to change!!

  • Nicole

    As soon as I saw this webhead, I knew this article was gonna be like chicken soup for the soul. Emily, you are fabulous, and you spoke directly to me as someone who cries a little inside whenever I think I can’t participate in the newest trend or color scheme. Walking to the plus size section is something I don’t want to be ashamed of, but often as soon as I see the selections, I am. Thanks for a little inspiration and empowerment!

    • Emily Zirimis

      Hi @disqus_X8IcXfHrAv:disqus ! Ahh I used to love reading the chicken soup books! Shopping plus size *definitely* takes some creativity, and it’s not easy! I can’t tell you how many times a plus size section has disappointed me in a department store. Anyway, thank you so much for your kind words and support. If you’re ever around in NY, let’s go shopping! 🙂

  • Jolie

    Thank you for this, Emily!!!! I often feel just like this — I have really big boobs and have found it insanely hard to find clothes I like that also fit me. It limits my options completely to the point where I can walk in a store and be like “Wow, all of these clothes are for people with smaller boobs.” I love fashion and feel so excluded from it as well — not just the fact that no one in the industry has or caters to my body type, but that I feel like I can’t participate either. Like, of course I want to be wearing a button-down shirt wrapped a million different ways like I see here on MR, but I can’t because they don’t fit over my boobs, and if they do, they don’t flatter me at all. Seeing people on the streets slaying in amazing outfits frustrates me to no end — I get the same feeling, like that’s what I WANT to be wearing, but I’m stuck in some boring outfit that’s become my only option. I have to replace Outdoor Voices “athleisure” with insanely expensive DD+ sports bras because OV’s biggest cup size is like a D, and I’m like an H. Yet I still have to watch all my friends wear it and see it advertised here. I went shopping for an evening gown last week and had to hit up 10 vintage stores and 4 departments stores before I found something that zipped over my dumb boobs. And of course, it wasn’t the dress I’d pick if I actually had the choice.

    Anyway, the point of this rant is that I feel so hard for you. You shouldn’t have to choose between changing your style and changing yourself — the industry should embrace and include women of all body types. Until then, all we can do is make ourselves heard. It’s really important that you wrote this. Side note: you look amazing!

    • Sophie McCurley

      A million yeses on the big boobs. I have them too and HATE that they are so limiting. Not everyone has perfect C’s!

    • Emily Zirimis

      Hi @disqus_eN7GfaS57U:disqus ! I completely hear you on all of this. Essentially if there is anything different about our bodies (ie plus size, big boobs, big butt, apple shape etc) the industry does not cater to it, which is unfortunate because we’re interested in buying!! Shopping vintage is super difficult for plus size and sometimes impossible. I agree that all we can do now is keep making ourselves heard and hopefully they will listen. Thanks so much for your kind words and support 🙂

  • Hannah Cole

    You’ve convinced me I need a wrap / tie dress. Possibilities are endless <3

    • Emily Zirimis

      Haha thank you!! @disqus_oNqQB24k5Q:disqus <3 <3 So happy this served as a source of inspo for you 🙂

  • BK

    I really liked this article, Emily. I’m a US size 6-8 so have never experienced the casual exclusion from mainstream fashion that you describe so fluently here; you’ve offered an excellent insight into the limitations that the fashion industry puts upon PS people who just want some cool threads but are restrained when a company decides not to go beyond size ‘L’ for posterity or financial reasons or whatnot. I’ve never had the experience of going into a store and worrying that nothing will fit me, or going online and not wanting to look at great things because odds are there’ll be nothing for my size. I hate the idea that this consistently happens to the same demographic of women. I don’t really know if this comment is helpful considering how unintiated I am to the issues you outline here; nonetheless I hope more labels start making runs of clothing into plus size as well as ‘normal’sizong, whatever that is, and I hope MR advocates for this change as well so we can all ManRepel to our heart’s content together, ideally on an island somewhere with high rainfall levels, high speed internet, endless soft shell crab, and cocktails with a slightly off-kilter proportion of spiced rum to pineapple juice. BK out.

    • Emily Zirimis

      Hi BK ! Your comment is so helpful! I think the most important takeaway here is that size should not limit our level or coolness with style, but it DOES. And that needs to change. And that also when plus sized girls/women etc aren’t looking super stylish, a big reason is because our options are very limited, not because we don’t have an eye for the cool stuff. Would love to head on over to this Man Repeller island that you speak of!

  • Molly D

    I have a bag of pens. When I have something important in my life to do, I take out my bag of pens, and scribble each pen on a piece of paper to see if that pen still works. Almost all do but occasionally one doesn’t and I’m like HELL YES.

  • mouse

    I love this post! you brought so much life to the clothes, I am inspired – It is refreshing to see someone talk openly about this 🙂

    • Emily Zirimis

      Thanks so much for your kind words and support 🙂

  • Allie Fasanella

    Emily Zirimis! I adore you. This is so well written and you look SO SO fab <3

    • Emily Zirimis

      @alliefasanella:disqus !! Hi and thank you!! <3 <3 😀

  • doublecurl

    Pored* over your journal entries 🙂

  • Maaike

    Amazing! It’s how I’ve been feeling for years. There’s a lot I’d love to wear, but the brands keep making the boring basics and tent-like stuff. Thank you so much for speaking your mind.

    • Emily Zirimis

      Hi Maaike! Thanks so much for your support! I’m hoping that things will be changing for us soon enough! In the mean time, we’ll have to get creative, haha! 🙂

  • cristin

    Really loved the discussion of the ongoing bummer dilemma, why aren’t there more & better options for plus size women? The outfits you guys came up with are so excellent and I feel sure Beth Ditto would be very excited to see how that amazing jacket from her collection got styled!

    • Emily Zirimis

      Hi @disqus_D4zT3xyMjA:disqus ! Thank you!! I love Beth Ditto and especially that jacket!! I can only hope that she was excited to see everything together 🙂

  • Valikabu

    Hey girl! You are GOOOOOORGEOUS!!!! <3 <3 <3

    • Emily Zirimis

      <3 <3 <3

  • Lizelle Galaz

    Emily, I never comment on stories (my bad!) but I just had to on this one.

    You look amazing on these photos, and I wish so badly this wasn’t an issue anymore — selfishly because I am on the same plus-sized boat, but also I would want anyone to be able to dress like their true self sans the anxiety of finding dream clothes.

    Innovation is everywhere, yet it pains me to see revolutionary brands a la Everlane serving the same size range everyone before them has served, even when they are doing everything else differently.

    • Emily Zirimis

      Hi @lizellegalaz:disqus ! Thank you for your comment!! I completely agree! I don’t understand why brands won’t touch plus size with a ten foot pole. There are too many stigmas around size in the fashion industry and they need to change. I just keep saying that SOON.. they will. Soon we will be able to walk into a trendy place just like everyone else and walk out with more than just a necklace!! (because us plus sized people know the struggle of leaving with accessories after the disappointment of not being able to find clothes!) Thank you again for your support 🙂

  • #FLY

  • Kelly

    I had a great time reading this while putting off doing any tasks from today’s to do list.

    Kelly Knows It | A life and style blog

  • I love love love love love LOVE your style.

    Would you like to collaborate on a shoot with me?

    I adore your style.

  • Madison Grace

    I FEEL THIS SO HARD. Today has been a day of procrastination. It’s what I tell my dad though, it’s ‘productive procrastination.’ Which basically means I do things that are actually good to do but just at the wrong times. Lol at my life.

    ???
    my website: http://www.bymybedside.com
    come check us out for another lol. only if you wanna. i’ll be lol-ing at my life anyway i guess

  • Jeremiah Johnson

    Who dressed this woman with these ugly outfits? I could have done better with my eyes closed!

  • emfisc1@yahoo.com

    I know I’m a late response, but I just had to comment, Emily. As a fashion obsessed woman who struggles continually with my weight and body image, I so loved seeing this article on MR. I’ll see something in a magazine, or online, and am always disappointed that how it looks on my body is not at all how I pictured it would look; and that’s if I can find it or an approximation, to fit me. I really loved seeing the fearless colors and combinations that you are wearing with confidence in this article. Thank you!!!

  • Alex

    I’ve been dying for Manrepeller to publish an article like this. I often feel invisible because of my weight. Even with friends, if I broach the subject of limited clothing options the conversation quickly turns into my thin friends (who are often genetically blessed with not having to worry about weight) giving dieting advice or work out advice. It makes me feel like I don’t deserve nice clothes because I’m fat…
    I’ve been having a particularly hard couple weeks and keep coming back to this article for comfort. I know there’s no conclusion at the end, but the line “just know that we like cool clothes too” speaks volumes to me. The admonition that we exist and we struggle without talk of changing one’s self gives me a sense dignity that I really needed. Especially because it’s coming from my favorite blog. Thank you for this article Emily <3

  • This is such a funny post! I love your blog so much, you always make me laugh 🙂

    I’ve written a similar post to this on my blog if you want to check it out

    http://thegingerambition.blogspot.co.uk/2017/03/top-10-best-procrastination-techniques.html