A SUMMER CONUNDRUM! The heat and humidity conspire together to confuse the hell out of your being. On the one hand, you constantly feel as though you’re one half-degree away from slip-drip-sweating out of your clothes and pouring into a puddle of used-to-be-you-goo.
On the other hand, you’re so swollen and sealed into the seams of your shorts that even loose, light tank tops offer zero mercy. Your outfits betray your every move by simply existing on your body.
But there are — as with everything else in this world, from the right way to open a banana to the only way to put on a duvet cover — hacks. Hacks that make the summer soup suck it up and harden just enough to turn into soft serve. With sprinkles on top.
But don’t freeze.
1) The Cool Kid Brew
Before you go to bed (or right when you wake up, if you’re a 5 a.m. rising fashion farmer like Leandra who takes three hours, minimum, to get ready), pour coffee into ice trays of your choosing. Obvious note: the colder the coffee already is, the less time it takes your cubes to freeze. Once you’re ready to leave the house, pop the coffee cubes out and use them to cool your already-cold brew instead of watering it down with boring old ice.
2) The Stay Cool Scarf
A scarf on your wrist looks great on the go and makes for one hell of a quick brow mop. When you get to the office, release your appendage of its silky grip and tie up your hair with its cooling hug. Pro tip: If you get the scarf just a little bit wet, this feels great on the back of your neck. Pro tip EXTREME: Get the scarf a little bit wet, stick it in your office freezer for 15 and then tie your hair up. Chilly fries!
3) The Sock Swap
Bless the beauty of female-to-female camaraderie, the universal understanding that all sandals, no matter how comfortable, cause blisters in the summer, and remember that a stranger is really just a sore foot-saving sock-swapper you haven’t met yet. (Never mind her sweat.) Too gross? You’re living in an age where all socks are acceptable with sandals. Pop into your nearest ANYWHERE and buy literally any pair. Voila.
4) The Emergency Pack
If assuming makes an ass out of you and me, then let’s be four-legged equine off-shoots together and assume that when you step outside, all of your hard work spent getting ready prior will have been in vain. SO. Prepare an emergency pack. Fill it to the brim with makeup, deodorant, grease blotters, hair-ties, a small brush, a unicorn — whatever you can fit inside, really, and then keep it on you at all times. Bonus points if you can work your pack into your look. Who’s the ass now, Fanny?
5) The Pool Party
The Scouts of America and Susan Miller said it best: always be prepared. Layer a swimsuit under literally every outfit you wear summer because you simply just do not know when a pool party is apt to break out. Other Good Things to Always Have on You or With You include: giant floats, sarongs, conga line dance moves and nearby friends. No friends? Hello! What about that kind girl who let you borrow her socks?
See? You’re cooler than you thought.
Have any hacks of your own that keep you more cold than an over air-conditioned office? Press the ice button on the fridge and leave your cubed comments down below. Gives us all something refreshing to chew on.