You know that person who comments on celebrities’ Instagram accounts in deranged earnest and says things like, “I love you so much please notice my existence please comment back please come to my birthday party!!!”
With Lindsay Lohan’s Instagram, that commenter is me.
I love her so much, it’s weird. And I’ve written about her way too many times before. But there’s something captivating about how so many of her wrongs make rights and there’s something satisfying about lapping up her indulgences vicariously. She is wonderfully tacky. She is restrained by no one. And she embraces her individuality.
Lohan is just like that really fabulous kook-a-doo friend you may or may not have who is sort of out of touch with reality in a way that keeps you dreamy, too. She is kind of make-believe. Very out there. Not perfect or safe or PR-groomed. In fact, so much of her Rules of Style have less to do with clothes and more to do with attitude.
^ She is working it so hard this may as well be her 9-to-5, so rule number one is pose.
Go all in on a theme.
You know what goes a long way? Being sweet.
Never ever be afraid to ask someone to take a photo of you when you have that gut instinct that the moment is right.
Never underestimate the power of love, a white button down, reflective lenses and a cool ride.
Tassels, especially of (or close enough to) the nipple variety will always be The Thing.
Don’t let me hear “I can’t pull that off.” You can. You can. You can.
Slouching, like everything else in moderation, is great for you.
Coral is a severely under-appreciated color to take into immediate consideration.
Still with me? Lindsay Lohan’s Rules of Style, item #10:
Support other women, stand by their side and pose with Joan Collins whenever you can.
Always dress as though you’re about to walk into your own surprise party. (Also, make friends with Ellen Von Unwerth — she’ll take the bulk of your most excellent photos.)
#12: Don’t forget to take it all in.
Lucky #13 is all about trends:
Enjoy them, embrace them, break them.
#14 reminds us of a Truth of Instagram:
Almost all of your problems can be fixed by turning a photo into black and white.
#15 encourages all women to sparkle.
Repeat after me: there is no such thing as too many sequins.
Beware beret hair.
#17 (we’re getting close):
Hang out with Snoop Dogg. Yes, that’s a rule.
Is it too platitudinous to say, “Take risks?”
What about #19…
If you’re super into your outfit, brag about it.
And finally, 20.
Don’t worry about being blurry. Just never forget your roots.
(Have a favorite Lilo gram? Post it in the comments below so that the rest of us never have to not scroll.)
Feature collage by Lily Ross.