GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!! Am I right? Sure, I love the concrete sidewalks that define New York, and they’re all the more enticing to look at with the sun shining pretty on them. But you know what’s cool, too? Sand between my toes. Between my toes, and up my nose, and, you know, inside of my HEART. Of course, though, I have life to attend to, and by the boundaries that define mine, beach time is limited, which means it is my obligation as a samaritan and woman who prides herself on the ability to espouse the transformative quality of clothes to dress like I might be going to the beach, even if I’m not.
Care for a demonstration?
Well, this is awkward.
Here is a poplin bikini top, which technically shouldn’t be worn on the beach lest you plan to keep yourself outside of the ocean (snooze!) styled under a similarly poplin button down shirt (you may remember it from 3 New Ways To Wear Your Button Down Shirt), left unbuttoned for dramatic effect and to compliment the sequined-ass board shorts, also questionable as appropriate wear for the beach, but not completely off base. The heels make it seem like you’re not walking anywhere and the satin bag? Why the bag is for your lipstick.
This is one of the more peculiar ideas I’ve had in my day, pairing a gray flannel bikini top (best served with a t-shirt worn under, quite frankly), plus a shiny-ass turtleneck that I turned into a button down and even more metallics in the form of a-line shorts. The clogs and straw bag bring us way back around to the beach as a reminder that it’s neither near nor far so long as you can keep your heart waves crashing.
I don’t even know what that means, but I’m going with it.
One cool thing about this look is that I hope it illustrates how unnecessary a clean bikini line is — if that’s what is holding you back from forgoing your pants, stop right there, thank you very much and consider this: I know you think onlookers care, but they don’t. They really don’t! So neither should you! Plus, the reason you’re wearing a shirt dress as though it were a robe is because sometimes it gets cold and when it does, you can wrap that shirt or button it closed and boom! You’re warm.
Photographed by Krista Anna Lewis.