The 10 Most Boring Experiences in the World

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06.02.16
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The old adage goes something like: Only boring people get bored. Which, somewhat ironically, I think only boring people say. In this tremendously overstimulated, task-driven, anxiety-riddled modern day we’re living in, it’s near impossible to not have something to do, but the reality is (my reality is?) some compulsory items on my to-do list are so unstimulating it makes me nostalgic for days of using an abacus or spin top for entertainment because then at least everything would be equally as crap. Hmph, my life!

They are as follows:

1. Waiting for my gel nails to dry under the UV lights

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Perhaps not compulsory, but nonetheless my thought process goes a little something like this: Oh my god. I’m so bored. I can’t use my hands. I’m not allowed to move my hands; they’re in hand prison. These seconds are slower than microwave and treadmill seconds combined. I’ve analyzed every fading 80s manicure poster on the wall for the past 30 mins. Halp.

2. Queuing up at the Post Office

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Or at the bank. Or in the blue line at Whole Foods, which is unfailingly the slowest. Queues in general, but particularly the ones where paying attention is paramount for task completion.

3. The Beauty School Dropout Scene from Grease

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I award you zero points for entertainment or relevance. Praise hands emoji for scene selection.

4. Slow Wi-Fi/Internet connection

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This one is also filed under ‘frustration’ in the Venn diagram of emotions. I would prefer to have no Wi-Fi than slow Wi-Fi. You heard me. No Wi-Fi. Cue abacus and spin top for entertainment.

5. Tax Returns

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Chlorophyll, more like Borophyll: accountants are better people than I am.

6. A Vodka, Lime and Soda

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I get it; in terms of alcohol consumption it’s one of the healthier drinks one can knock back. But sorry, look at that – I fell asleep before it was delivered.

7. Corporate Training Sessions

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Specifically: the ones where facilitators distribute a handout detailing the training session, and then proceed to read a PowerPoint presentation consisting of THE EXACT CONTENT OF THE HANDOUT out loud. It’s an adult lullaby.

8. Missing The Family Holiday

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Nothing to do. Everything boring. Why no Saint-Tropez ☹

9. Waiting for the Subway Sans Entertainment

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No data connection. No book. Even the rats aren’t out to play.

10. Plain Rice Cakes

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Plain Rice Cakes, a.k.a. the Matriarch of culinary boredom. Nothing could make me feel less like eating, which is sad, because eating is undoubtedly the best part of my day.

What say you? Long flights? Repeating the Thanksgiving monologue? Sugarless iced tea? Everyone has a boredom sweet spot, and I want to know yours.

Illustrations by Max Dower of Unfortunate Portrait.

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  • Rosie

    Sitting on a plane on the runway when they’ve already told you to put your phone on airplane mode even tho the flight hasn’t taken off yet and won’t for another 15 minutes. SO cruel.

    ALSO: Lol’d at the vodka+lime+soda because AGREED. Make me a goddamn Moscow Mule!

    • Ciccollina

      I totalled Lol’d at the Vodka lime and soda too. YAWN.

  • Ashley

    my room has horrible wifi service. would rather have no wifi than the frustration of waiting 20 minutes for this article to load!!!!

  • Natalia Guerra

    LOL beauty school dropout. now i know im not the only one

    • Amelia Diamond

      hahaha me too this made me laugh out loud I HATE THAT SCENE

      • Rose Keen

        When I was a kid and used to watch it on TV they would always cut that scene. Cue watching it as a (near) grown up and being ‘WTF was that?’ Did she just hallucinate? Did I just hallucinate?

    • also, the scene of eliza doolittle’s father drunkenly lamenting “getting married in the morning” in my fair lady. probably slightly less pop-relevant but still. longest 6 minutes of my life.

      • Lyla

        Every time I see that scene that effing song gets stuck in my head for agessssssss.

      • annie_on_the_trail

        Yep, fast-forward through that mess every.single.time!

      • Antillanka

        Hahaha I watched it on Saturday and caught myself thinking “what a waste of time, maybe I can go make myself some cocoa in the meanwhile…”

    • I had the same thought. LOL

  • EmilyWilson

    Spending 45 minutes with your partner trying to decide what to watch on Netflix…before settling on Chopped. Again.

    Vanilla soft serve, no sprinkles or hot fudge, in one of those styrofoam-tasting cones.

    • I FEEL YOU!

      My husband is the worst with this – and it’s gone to a whole new level now that he can scroll through Amazon and Hulu too! The worst part is that I’ll say yes to the first thing he suggests, but he’ll STILL spend half an hour scrolling through anyway. What a dweeb. 😉

      • EmilyWilson

        TOTALLY. More online streaming services=more opportunities for indecisiveness. And wherever you finally land, you’re left with the haunting feeling that a different show would’ve been better… 🙂

        • Amen! I swear that Netflix might be where FOMO originated. 🙂

      • annie_on_the_trail

        Heck, pick something and start it before he comes into the room! Say “well, I called you 5 minutes ago; didn’t you hear me?”

  • As I was reading this an extremely boring song started playing on Spotify ..,what are the odds.

  • Kelly Spicer

    Everyone knows sweet chili rice cakes are where it’s at.

  • Walking round the furniture bit of ikea, when you were there last week anyway and your not allowed to buy more furniture, and all you are there for are the cactai and Daim bars right at the end! Also haha and yes to the beauty school drop out scene in Grease, remember fast forwarding that one on the vcr!!

  • Amélie

    Healthy dips with French fries. If I’m having fries, I want to go all the way with it, gimme some mayonnaise !

  • These illustrations are killing me. Waiting for a pedicure to dry is terrible too bc you’re literally immobile unless you’re a ballerina

    • Lyla

      You need to master the art of walking on your heels with your toe in the air.

  • Looooong minutes of church music on what is generally a nice radio station (state-owned and therefore required to put in church).
    Slow WtFi!
    Having to listen to small talk containing mindless gossip and sentences all the meaning ran away from screaming centuries ago.
    And million other things. I’m afraid boredom is a … solid rock in my life. 🙁

  • Jackie

    100% wrong with that Grease scene….that song rules!

  • Lillian

    dude, washing my face, or just skin care routine in general. Actually, all body maintenance. Washing my hair is a seemingly endless task. I dread all of it.

    • annie_on_the_trail

      Shaving my freaking legs!

  • lily

    waiting for the doctor to come in. The nurse leaves and you have a solid 10-15 minutes of pure AGONY

    • Molly O

      YES! Not to mention the circa 1988 magazines.

      • If you’re lucky enough to even get magazines.

        My former obgyn’s office just had these giant photo collages of all the babies they’ve delivered, and posters about STDs. So….not….worth my time. 😉

  • Lacey Bergevin

    what about listening to a co-worker tell you about her dream last night 😉

  • F.

    At this very moment I am procrastinating from studying for the test to get my driver’s license. Knowing the rules is important, I get it — but memorizing them for the test is boring as heeeeell.

    • MippysMom

      You’ll get a chance to review as you wait endlessly in the BMV, Secretary of State, or whatever they call the Hall of Boredom in your state!

  • Natty

    de-tangling and blow drying my hair after the shower. conference calls. watching someone else use the TV remote or worse, pick out a movie on Netflix.

    • Lyla

      Yes to the remote! I don’t think my mother will ever learn to look by page. Click, read top line, click, read top line, click . . . there are 700 effing channels. We’re going to be here all day.

  • onellamatown

    “No data connection. No book. Even the rats aren’t out to play.”

    I love it!

  • Allison

    Was totally with you on Beauty School Dropout, until I saw the Julianne Hough remake with Boys II Men of that scene. The best.

  • Barbara Garcia

    The period of time between you already being ready and the person you’re supposed to leave with/picking you up running late is definitively one of the slowests.

    • Molly O

      I feel.

      • annie_on_the_trail

        I love that picture!

  • snakehissken

    Lying in bed, waiting to fall asleep. UGH.

  • Aggie

    Waiting to board a plane, swapping green tea for coffee to reduce addiction AND waiting for your take-away coffee after you ordered it and they can’t seem to be calling your name anytime soon -.-

  • Charlotte Dallin

    I can so identify with that lime.

  • nananère

    Watching Anna W being bored, or watching Anna W during a fashion show, but it’s the same .

    contagious humor of Anna W .

  • Marta Millere

    Omg work meetings. Any subject, any length. My brain dies and my eyes roll back so far I risk spraining them every time.

  • Kristie

    I clicked on this I wondering if “waiting for transporation” would be on here. I honestly love that moment. It’s like the least stressful moment of my whole day, just standing there with no expectations from anybody, waiting for a giant chunk of metal to arrive. pure relaxation…

  • Lindsey

    If we’re gonna go boring songs that should leave, I’m gonna say “Climb Every Mountain” from The Sound of Music. In a world of drape-dresses, straw hats, and mountaintop moments (literally), a nun singing opera very slowly is the WORST.

  • I’m one of the probably 3 people on Earth who doesn’t mind being bored now and then.

    However, every time I have to pick up a package at my apartment management office, they make me wait FOREVER! They’re usually not even doing anything – I think they just like seeing how long we’ll suffer before speaking up or leaving!

  • Michaela Christine

    lol’d at all of these for being incredibly relatable but i have to say #1 is the most torturous… it was reason enough for me to stop getting my nails done

    bymichaelachristine.com

  • My boredom sweet spot is being stuck in traffic. Boring and frustrating! And good call on The Beauty School Drop out scene from Grease!

  • Surely watching the entire of the English Patient should be on this list?

  • I don’t understand why there’s no data connection in the subway too. 🙁 I missed some very impt texts while in there my first month living in NYC

  • PCE

    Definitely unsweetened iced tea. Waiting for then taking the elevator to the 18th floor (or any floor, really). AM radio.

  • annie_on_the_trail

    You forgot (2) the DMV! uggggggghhhhh (P.S. I love sugarless iced tea, but will lots of fresh lemon. Hmmm, maybe that bumps it out of the boring spot anyway. lol)

  • Juliana Brown

    Wow, an article that’s NOT full of dumb things, that inspire me to rant. (vs other peoples random things I find)

    “Only boring people get bored. Which, somewhat ironically, I think only boring people say.”

    I’ve totally said that too. I agree. 🙂

  • Juliana Brown

    Can’t relate to 8. 9 is one I just lived with for years. I don’t think I ever had any entertainment on a subway, except myself with a guitar. Or that drunk rich girl peeing herself. 😛

  • I would add airport security lines ….. so long and boring.🙄