The old adage goes something like: Only boring people get bored. Which, somewhat ironically, I think only boring people say. In this tremendously overstimulated, task-driven, anxiety-riddled modern day we’re living in, it’s near impossible to not have something to do, but the reality is (my reality is?) some compulsory items on my to-do list are so unstimulating it makes me nostalgic for days of using an abacus or spin top for entertainment because then at least everything would be equally as crap. Hmph, my life!
They are as follows:
Waiting for my gel nails to dry under the UV lights
Perhaps not compulsory, but nonetheless my thought process goes a little something like this: Oh my god. I’m so bored. I can’t use my hands. I’m not allowed to move my hands; they’re in hand prison. These seconds are slower than microwave and treadmill seconds combined. I’ve analyzed every fading 80s manicure poster on the wall for the past 30 mins. Halp.
Queuing up at the Post Office
Or at the bank. Or in the blue line at Whole Foods, which is unfailingly the slowest. Queues in general, but particularly the ones where paying attention is paramount for task completion.
The Beauty School Dropout Scene from Grease
I award you zero points for entertainment or relevance. Praise hands emoji for scene selection.
Slow Wi-Fi/Internet connection
This one is also filed under ‘frustration’ in the Venn diagram of emotions. I would prefer to have no Wi-Fi than slow Wi-Fi. You heard me. No Wi-Fi. Cue abacus and spin top for entertainment.
Chlorophyll, more like Borophyll: accountants are better people than I am.
I get it; in terms of alcohol consumption it’s one of the healthier drinks one can knock back. But sorry, look at that – I fell asleep before it was delivered.
Corporate Training Sessions
Specifically: the ones where facilitators distribute a handout detailing the training session, and then proceed to read a PowerPoint presentation consisting of THE EXACT CONTENT OF THE HANDOUT out loud. It’s an adult lullaby.
Missing The Family Holiday
Nothing to do. Everything boring. Why no Saint-Tropez ☹
Waiting for the Subway Sans Entertainment
No data connection. No book. Even the rats aren’t out to play.
Plain Rice Cakes
Plain Rice Cakes, a.k.a. the Matriarch of culinary boredom. Nothing could make me feel less like eating, which is sad, because eating is undoubtedly the best part of my day.
What say you? Long flights? Repeating the Thanksgiving monologue? Sugarless iced tea? Everyone has a boredom sweet spot, and I want to know yours.
Illustrations by Max Dower of Unfortunate Portrait.