I tried to make Bermuda shorts happen like they were the word fetch in 2012 with one choice pair colored in a red and blue Hawaiian tropic print but it never caught on — something about them feeling a great deal like walking shorts and my looking like a gym teacher on the fast track to retirement. But I knew, man. I knew they had potential to cater not just to those who enjoy a round of golf or extract teeth for a living. They could be ours.
So it happened that last season for resort, we started to see them trickle into a multitude of collections. Following Rosie Assoulin’s initial board shorts, she made a more literal decision to show a flared pair in khaki. Styled with a matching jacket and metallic striped tank, we made a case for them right now on Jenny Albright.
This look seems to say: I used to read Madeline and have been hoping Olympia Le-Tan would put her on a handbag but for now this basket will do just fine. Also — I never file for a tax extension.
For Spring, Tibi showed a panoply of a similar silhouette — this one less flared and lower slung, like a pool or surf short — rendered entirely in sequins. They came in navy, blue, pink and white.
We used the white version on Jenny with a pleated striped top with red sleeves, some snazzy earrings and shoes that make you question every decision you’ve ever made. If she doesn’t look like a general manager at Con Edison who is vacationing on a yacht in the south of Italy, who will? Who knew it was that easy? If you want to vacation on a yacht in the south of Italy, maybe all you have to do is dress like it.
Finally, we used a third pair of the shorts by none other than utilitarian bottom-extraordinaire, Rachel Comey. They were blue and linen and perhaps the most literal take on real deal walking shorts. (Don’t hit yourself on the way out of the ophthalmologist’s office!)
To offset that, we paired a bikini top under a cardigan, added a pair of round frame sunglasses and Gucci slides. Now she looks like she’s late for her Jitney (this is a coach bus that takes you to the Hamptons and provides free snacks, like Goldfish).
And now! She looks like no party has ever happened in the history of fun without her. Whoever said you couldn’t style yourself into bliss
This concludes today’s edition of questionable trends decoded. Hope we’ve convinced you to give them a try. If nothing else, they will save you from chub rub.
Jenny Albright is a model and a deejay living in NYC. Follow her on Instagram, @jennyalbright.