19 Questions About ‘Girls’: Season 5, Episode 3

Answer and then add your own, because, ?!?!????

03.07.16
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Like a very cute!!! Japanese alarm clock, I tuned in just in time to watch Girls last night. It was great.

First, I need more Lucy Liu in my universe.

Second, this show is never better than when it gives Hannah and Shosh and Marnie and Jessa permission to be the truest versions of themselves — 90 percent superficial and snark-ridden, 10 percent real and ambivalent about what the world is willing to offer a bunch of twentysomething-year-old women. It seems like less and less all the time. But let’s keep our fingers crossed, okay? Maybe it’ll all work out? That, and 19 more questions I have about this episode:

1. Are we supposed to think Fran is walking the moral high ground in this situation?

2. Real Q: What does feminist porn look like?

3. Is there either some combination of products and/or a spell I can cast to transform my eyebrows into Shosh’s eyebrows?

4. How many soul patches/goatees will Girls be able to fit into a six-season run? So far, they’re already racking up impressive numbers.

5. Wouldn’t we all be happier in our love lives if we could get cotton candy all year round?

6. Who here feels personally victimized by the way Marnie pronounces “Ecuador”?
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7. What can I do to have Aidy Bryant deliver all bad news?

8. If you’re Hannah and you peddle your problems around to enough people, do you think you eventually get the answer you want?

9. Are barrettes the new braids? Again?

10. Can we hereby reclassify all unwanted bulges as “interesting fat deposits”?

11. When Hannah tried a juicy-secret smile, who else could only picture Chandler Bing? Just me? Totally. Awesome. Yes.
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12. Is there either some combination of products and/or a spell I can cast to transform my ponytail into Lucy Liu’s ponytail?

13. Between goofy-nudes Fran and “I’ll-take-care-of-you” Scott, is this some epidemic of problematic feminist boyfriends in Girlsland? Are all quote-unquote feminist boyfriends sort of dickheads?

14. Are you really not doing this “will-they-won’t-they” shit, Jessa? Rhetorical! You are!

15. The next time you’re out, will you pretty please do the “Adam” instead of the Dougie? Will you submit video evidence?

16. Hot candle wax??!!?!?!?!?!

17. Let’s have at it: On a scale of one to Avada Kedavra, how unforgivable is it that Hannah deleted those photos?

18. Couldn’t Shosh have sent poor Scott a text? Maybe a sad voice note?

19. How much time did Scott spend making that poster?

Follow Girls whiz and author Mattie on Twitter @mattiekahn. Photograph via Craig Blankenhorn/HBO collaged by Emily Zirimis.

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