‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’ Should Have Ended Like This

The Captain of Team Julia Roberts answered last week’s prompt: rewrite cinematic history

09.26.15
alternate-endings-man-repeller-my-best-friends-wedding-cinematic-rewrite

As Kimmy — the (at the time) little known Cameron Diaz — and Michael are not speaking to each other, Jules — the lovely Julia Roberts — uses this opportunity to her advantage, acting as a go-between while further manipulating the two into breaking up for good. Or so she thinks. Because as we know, Michael and Kimmy do eventually marry each other.

However, Jules may have gotten a different outcome had her conversation with Kimmy gone a bit more like this…

JULES: You’re Michael. You’re in a fancy French restaurant. You order crème brûlée for dessert. It’s beautiful. It’s sweet. It’s irritatingly perfect. Suddenly Michael realizes he doesn’t want crème brûlée. He wants something else.

KIMMY: What does he want?

JULES: Jell-O. I mean, shouldn’t Jell-O be allowed to marry her best friend should she choose to do so?

KIMMY: Wait, what? I’m confused.

JULES: I’m Jell-O, Kimmy. I’m the Jell-O in this not-so-subtle metaphor. Look at me. I look like Julia freaking Roberts, and I can’t even get the guy. If America’s sweetheart doesn’t get her happy ending by the time this whole thing is over, what’s left for the actual Jell-Os of the world? It’s not even really that I’m in love with Michael or I’m sure he’s the one. I’m doing this for Jell-O people of the world, because why else do you watch a movie like this other than to boost your own dangerously low self-esteem?

KIMMY: But what about crème brûlée?

JULES: What about it? You’re twenty years old. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. You’ll find your Michael, that best friend you can’t imagine yourself without. Let me break it down for you. You know those women who are always saying, “I’m so lucky I married my best friend.” That’s the little shred of hope I hold onto that I’m not going to be miserably alone for the rest of my life.

KIMMY: I’m sure you’ve got other male friends you could marry, right?

JULES: Wrong. I have George. And while he’s insanely handsome and has a knack for making Dionne Warwick sound fresh in 1997, he’s definitely gay. So Michael is kind of my only shot.

And another thing: if you go through with your wedding despite all I’ve told you today, I will not be your maid of honor. I’m not going to stand there and pretend I’m happy for the two of you when I know it should be me at that table.

KIMMY: I hate to say this, but I think you’re right. I don’t care how sweet or lovable my character is; I cannot outmatch the Julia Roberts of this situation. Marry him. Don’t marry him. I’ve got years of romantic comedies ahead of me, and I’ll have my chance at the happy ending, too.

JULES: Thanks. Now walk away so I can get the denouement I deserve.

Film Still via Cosmopolitan

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  • Nicole Smolen

    Love this. Julia should have gotten the guy… Oh, well. There is still hope for the real Jell-O people of the world!

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  • pooopy

    can u believe her character was suppose to be 20 and she was gonna marry dillion mcdermott’s old ass(i think he was like 28-30 but he looked way older!) who does that??

    • Amelia Diamond

      i actually never knew that until reading this?!

    • Lua Jane

      And that brings us back to the fact that 20 years old Creme brulees of the world, always get the guy, 30 year old Jell-o’s want and have every right to get. Also might be a bit partial, because I never really liked Cameron, and am a lifelong fan of Julia.

  • This is so so correct. Always was just slightly uncomfortable with this film, despite it being one of my faves. Now I know why…

  • Jill

    I wrote about this exact thing in my diary in 1997. You can actually hear me read this part at a Mortified Live event and it will soon be a podcast! Rock on.

    • Bec

      I love this movie and I love Mortified! Can’t wait to hear it!

  • Noooo! I loved the ending of that movie. Jules wasn’t even that into Michael, she just had the thing where you suddenly start wanting someone because you don’t want them to move on and stop worshipping you.

    Also, Jules had the cool job and glamorous life, she was no Jello. Michael was just a boring sports bro or whatever. She could do way better.

    • BK

      YES I CONCUR the best thing about My Best Friend’s Wedding is that it doesn’t have a typical happy ending. More importantly, however, Jules is just too cool for most men, especially Michael who (let’s be brutal here) is all looks and no personality. And digressing slightly whilst remaining with the Jell-O metaphor – do you ever eat Jell-O with anything? No, because it needs no accompaniment. It just is what it is and that’s how it is. Same with Jules.

    • s_knucks

      agreed. i mean, imagine meeting a guy you plan to literally marry and then his pretty female friend from like 10 years ago shows up and displays an inappropriate lack of boundaries around him. 😐 i’m not saying i’ve been in that precise situation, but similar ones for sure; enough for me to be able to put myself in kelly’s shoes. air headed as kelly may be, her love for michael is still portrayed as genuine and completely undeserving of jules’s shitty maneuverings. and on the flip side…in my youth i was pathetically in love-ish with a best friend and treated his girlfriends unkindly–i know the freedom and growth that comes with being able to get over and become a better person

      • yplums

        My best friend may have just met the Love of His Life/Future Wife/Mother of His Children and this reminded me to be conscious of how our lack of boundaries could potentially make her uncomfortable. I would be if the situation was flipped.

  • Kate Danger Baynham

    I always thought the way it ended was great. It was way more realistic. It’s why the movie is one of my favorites.

    All of the other romantic comedies of that time always had this wild spirited, can’t hold me down lead female that was a great character. Her romantic partner would be an otherwise attached perfect man. Who was attached to some type a, waspy woman. We were always manipulated into thinking, “ugh, how can he like her when there’s all this whimsical, beer drinking babeitude over there?” But the service “my best friend’s wedding” does to the type a wasp of romantic comedy is that she is a sympathetic character. She is sweet and silly and completely in love with her fiancé. I like that.

  • Dana

    This is such a terrible, terrible piece of fan fiction.

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  • completely agree – i have always been upset with the way this movie ended. so effed. good thing runaway bride got it back together

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  • Reagan

    WHAT? This article couldn’t be more wrong. Julia Robertas and the betrothed man aren’t even “best friends” in the true sense of the word. They had a fling in college and there is no exposition about how she has spent the past 9 years yearning for his love or “always goin back to him,” NOR did he even tell her he was engaged to be married until the weekend of! This is a menacing film about a selfish whore labeled as a rom-com thanks to the cheeky soundtrack and pastel colors… And women actually SIDE with Julia Roberts? How about Cameron Diaz’s character who is an architect and an open and kind person; I love how women shoot down her youth and beauty as negative. Obviously you are all the home wreckers of the world…

  • crazygemini12

    As someone who is definitely a Michael, I loved the ending. Johnny-er, Julia-Come Lately shouldn’t get to win in the end. I appreciated the ending because it seemed more like reality (in which a 20 year old billionaire’s daughter gives up her University of Chicago education to marry a sports writer). We can’t always get what we want but sometimes we get what we need or whatever.

  • Penny Lane Says So

    It’s only now that I realize that Kimmy was unfathomably young to marry such a older man. She hasn’t even begun to sample the cornucopia of experiences that life has to offer! Let’s be honest, 20 is basically 12. Also, Michael’s boundary issues with Jules is a *RED FLAG.* I mean, sure, Jules was half of the problem, but girl had charisma.

  • rosie1843

    This is utter bullshit. Jules and Michael were never long time lovers to begin with. They had a brief fling and became friends. I liked Jules, but her willingness to go after a man she had never romanced because she couldn’t deal with him ending up with another woman is not someone I can cheer.