You’re Probably Type A-Minus

And if you are, you’re among friends

07.07.15
Type-A-Minus-Man-Repeller

The term “Type A” is thrown around far too often. “I’m perfect,” is what it translates to. “I’m just compulsive about it.”

Many of us identify under this umbrella of mild psychosis. We use it strategically in interviews when asked, “What’s your weakest attribute?” We offer it as an apology when we’re being bossy about the right way to cook an egg. We say it because we make our bed every morning, find spreadsheets satisfying, and create itineraries for casual vacations. But the reality is that unless diagnosed as such by a doctor, we’re not all-the-way obsessive. We’re 90 percent.

We’re Type A-Minus.

Take comfort in this.

To be Type A-Minus means that you have your shit together a majority of the time. In one area. You’re labeled a rock star at work; you fire off emails while taking calls and crossing tasks off your to-do list. You make your boss happy and proud. You secretly believe the company would crumble without your contributions…

And yet your personal life is a mess. You’re late to every date. You have no clue where your wallet is an aggressive majority of the time. You frequently search for your phone while speaking on it and it’s possible that you’ve forgotten to shower at least three days in a row.

Hence the minus.

Or!

You’re a household clean freak. People gasp upon arrival to your sparking abode. They marvel at your pillow-fluffing abilities and wonder aloud about how you keep things so tidy…

If only they peeked behind the couch, inside your drawers (that don’t fully open) or in the back right corner of your closet.

You workout every day until you don’t at all.

You religiously disinfect your hands but rarely wash your face.

Of course you brush your teeth after every meal!

But no. You do not floss. And it’s been years since you’ve seen a dentist.

To be Type A-Minus means you start writing a series of Thank You cards with reverent, loop-minded cursive. By the time you’ve reached your final five notes of gratitude, you’re scratching up the paper to warm dry ink and opting for a smiley face instead of actual words. You can spend hours on your Pinterest boards but mere seconds on your homework, and you’ve routinely questioned which one you need more: Xanax, or medication for ADHD.

Well guess what, A-Minus Tribe?

It means you’re one of us. You’re human. And that earns you at least a gold star.

Photographed by Krista Anna Lewis, Styled by Ella Viscardi lazy

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