Fact: If you can walk a mile in heels, you can judge whoever the F you want.
Theory: No one can walk a mile in heels without needing to take a walking break for the subsequent 24 hours.
Theory: Flat shoes never feel as exciting to put on as heels do.
Nor do they feel as exciting to buy. (Now we know, however, that excitement is beside the point when considering fashion consumption.)
Fact: There is 101% chance that every time you choose to wear flats over heels, the amount of fun you are capable of having, no matter the circumstance (though especially if you’re dancing), is elevated to the tenth power.
Unrelated fact: I am writing this from an outdoor restaurant in Rome, where incidentally it is absolutely not de rigueur to sit in the public domain chowing on tuna with your laptop open. People are looking at me like I’m on a treadmill in stilettos.
But I digress. Here’s my point: lately I have found that the less frequently I wear heels, the more insufferable they begin to feel. Yes, sure, they are fun to look at, hugely fun to buy and to style outfits with but when push comes to walk, though I never thought I’d say this, comfort is more and more becoming a priority. And you know what shoes come to mind when I think comfort? Ballet flats. And you know what the thing about ballet flats can be? They’re exceptionally tough to style into highly original! Unique! Quirky! Offbeat looks that don’t register as…the b-word.
That doesn’t make it impossible, though. Enter the self-bequeathed style-challenge to wear three different pairs of ballet flats — all by a brand called Josefinas — with three different outfits and call it a Lewk (capital L and all).
Like you got dressed in the dark:
Go crazy! Have a baby! Only don’t. And when you look in the mirror and think, Man I look like I took an Ambien then kicked back a glass of wine or three when I got dressed, you’ll know you’ve done right by yourself. Sparkly socks? Why not. I was inspired by my husband, who wears calf-length socks with his shorts to exercise. A blazer that looks like nature on an acid trip? Yes. Duh. And a gold choker with flowers emerging from the back end? Nothing else says olive green ballet flats are da bomb more acutely.
With a mini skirt:
This is possibly the most difficult pairing because an exposed leg is an exposed soul. And when we expose our souls, we become vulnerable. And we become vulnerable we lose our cool. And when we lose our cool, we cannot — cannot — wear ballet flats. Especially red gingham ones! So what do you do? You find a pair of sunglasses that are almost alienating because they are so not you. Then you put them on and work from there.
This one is the simplest. You find a pair of ballet flats that are a color close enough to your skin tone, slap two layers of denim onto your body, accessorize with bracelets that may or may not double as small weights and boom: you’re French. But you speak English, so you can call any number of American hotlines and speak to representatives free of charge!
Now tell me how you’d wear them and we can compare notes in the comments.