How to Wear Baggy Jeans

Stop, drop and remove cuff

04.21.15

Here’s a thought: every time you get dressed, you are moonlighting as a religious figure, tenured to officiate marriage.

I’ll take this a step further and say you are even more powerful than the aforementioned alliance enabler. How? Because you don’t just manage the details that confirm the betrothal, you pick the pieces that make it possible. For one dresser that might mean perfectly aligned shades of black served to counterbalance a pair of white shoes. For another it could mean 150 different mutations of 150 different colors worn across as many garments as there are cows in Ohio.

For me, it means contradictions. And lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how to apply the basic tenets of these contradictions (e.g. satin shoes with ripped jeans; red lipstick with fitness wear; unwashed, unbrushed hair with a black-tie gown) to baggy jeans, which in the last three months I have pledged allegiance to in a capacity so definitive, I’m concerned about the future for the arsenal of culottes I have built in the past two years. Cause of shift? Likely the intersection at which the 70s and 90s met and mated to create a new progeny of style called 2015.

A good place to start styling your baggy pants (which, by the way could totally come from the leftover pile your brother didn’t take when he moved out of your parents home) is by the foot with a shoe that is as dainty as the pants are clumsy.

Cue the shown pair of elastic ballet shoes, like the ones Céline popularized but Maryam Nassir Zadeh pioneered, as worn by Esther. In wearing a similar pair, you offset the innate bagginess of the pants with a proposition that posits you may have danced ballet in the life you lived before you became Missy Elliott’s protégé.

And showing the world that you’re the protégé of the only woman who has heretofore been able to literally make it rain can be cumbersome, so you will want to approximate the same experience across your chest, where instead of attempting shielding, you might want to consider…reveal-d-ing. Keep it light — lighter than those aspartame-filled Dannon yogurts. Then declare yourself ready to unfold at the hand of the world. The people will criticize you but remain confident in your knowing that it’s just because they don’t get it yet. They probably haven’t been ordained.

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