All women (#yesallofthem) know that the single most important question a twenty-something will ask her friends is this: should I get bangs? Fewer people understand that bangs are not like white wine in that they aren’t always a good idea, and when you have a Middle Eastern forehead as compact as the one my parents gave me and a simultaneous complex fostered by your modern orthodox upbringing about looking like you’re wearing a wig even if you’re not, you are an even less likely candidate to look like a) Jane Birkin, b) Brigitte Bardot or c) Charlotte Gainsbourg.
Or are you?
I have been toying with the notion of bangs since my forehead and eyelids were first introduced to the concept during my senior year of high school. On a Saturday evening, after having watched The Devil Wears Prada not once but twice, I endeavored to cut my own. What came of it was a mullet that I have trained the visual receptors in my mind to erase, but as fate and my scalp follicles would have it, I have also, since that point, consistently wondered: if I were to do them right — as in, with the help of a PROFESSIONAL, could they work? Not one to seek aid when it comes to the affairs of my head, I did something fairly unbecoming: on Friday I went to Bumble and bumble where, with the help of the scissor-hands that belong to Roz Murray, I finally answered that pressing question.
No! Of course they don’t work! But who cares because I love them and think they look great and even though some semblance to the mullet is largely stricken, I am going to take them, run and literally (again, as in, not figuratively) pony up. Then I will laugh when my husband has to have sex with me because it looks like he’s doing a dude with a mushroom cut!
Here are five important rules for bang maintenance the easy, no maintenance way as told by Roz.
1) Top knots ALWAYS look cuter and “done” with bangs. (Leandra rec: Dryspun makes topknots both toppier and knottier.)
2) Easy on the shower curtain: Dry shampoo will be your best friend unless you are willing to wash only your bangs.
3) Don’t be scared to let them separate or part from within the middle — it helps you achieve that Bardot/Kate Moss flair.
5) When it’s cold, hats are practically made for bang-bearers in that they hold them in place and keep cowlicks at bay. This is supposing you are not interested in a cowlick. If you’re not, pray tell why.
Bonus note: Try different lipsticks and eyeliners because YOU HAVE A NEW FACE AND SHOULD TAKE IT FOR A TEST DRIVE.