LinkedIn is for Lovers

Better update your resumé.


A high school dalliance who lived in a different state recently texted me a picture of letter that I wrote to him in a variety of colored pens. At the time, he had been in the process of phasing me out, and I was in denial/not having any part of it. In the middle of my on-paper live-blogging (“My mom just came in the room and asked what I wanted for dinner. My phone just rang but it was a prank call so I hung up”), I casually threw in the following line:

“I don’t know why we’re really not talking as often as we used to but when I come back to visit everything will go back to normal…or else I’ll kill you :)”

And then I signed off the letter as though I hadn’t just punctuated a death threat with a smiley face. (I also drew a few horses in the margins and included a tan photo of me from a family cruise.) Signed, sealed, delivered, boom.

Letters were the “Remember me?” of a simpler time.

Then came the Facebook Poke, where the use of a digital index finger signified Remember Me? flirting — RMF. “Likes” on Instagram later replaced the poke. (Swipes on Tinder and similar apps don’t count in this case, because RMF hinges on the notion, “We used to have or be something.” To further reduce headaches, let’s leave in-person flirting and holiday texting out of this entirely.)

But recently, it seems ex-romantic partners are winking via double-taps on Instagram less. They’re taking their “Rememer Me” pokes instead to the social utility that, until now, remained unscathed by the plague of twenty-something romantic complications: LinkedIn.

Hey baby, your resumé has never looked so good. 

According to an unofficial sampling of people — my friends, strangers at bars, dinner party seatmates and the conversations I eavesdropped on — the website is now being used for meaningful reunions with the intent of dating as opposed to work relations. Getting a request on LinkedIn from a guy or girl you used to more-than-just-know is the grown up, white collar Facebook poke.

It’s also about more than just sex. Everyone I spoke to who claimed to have been the recipient or sender of these loaded “adds” said that LinkedIn was an adult way to act on nostalgia and reconnect. A few people also noted that it’s a very “immediate” way to impress the person of your affection: Here’s what I’ve been up to. Here’s my intended career trajectory. Here is also what I look like in a tie.  

However, all interviewed parties cautioned that no one should read into a LinkedIn request until there’s follow-up that proves your requester is flirting, i.e. “Drinks?” Remember that all too often, LinkedIn requests are sent in bundles. Let us also not forget that some (most?) people on LinkedIn really do just want to expand their professional networks.

It seems strange that one should try to turn a site for professional connecting into one for “love.” Isn’t the main rule of corporate life to not shit where you spreadsheet?

Incidentally, all is becoming fair in love, war and social media.

Get more Postmodern Love ?
  • Rebecca

    So what you’re saying is I should change that “job” I have as a professional moon walker to something more date worthy?

    • Amelia Diamond

      Yea actually, or at least your normal job SLASH professional moon walker.

  • Allie Fasanella

    Thank you for making me awkwardly laugh out loud in class and have everyone stare at me like I’m an asshole. Your letter reminds me of when Isla Fisher in Wedding Crashers creepily tells Vince Vaughn’s character, “you better never leave me. But if you do, I’ll fiiind you.” I think the horses in the margins probably softened the blow of the death threat though.

    • Amelia Diamond

      Or did it at a Godfather element?

      • Allie Fasanella

        Too true boo. You’re a little nutty. I think it’s a redhead thing

  • insane timing because one of my best friends got asked on a date on linked in and i immediately got anxiety reminding me of that scene in “hes just not that into you” about all the ways to get rejected these days.

    i cannot add linked in to the list.

    • Amelia Diamond

      Just had breakfast this morning with a girl who said the same exact thing

  • Autumn

    “Don’t shit where you spreadsheet” – can I get that on a t-shirt?

    • Charlotte Fassler

      me too.

  • Stellar piece Amelia.

  • andrea raymer

    But… I intentionally use linked as little as possible, I want to make sure I am logged out for when I go Internet stalking. Telling some pervy guy on tinder what their last name is is a surefire way to creep them out and get them to leave you alone.

  • J. Otwell

    this is what I look like in a tie, dying.

  • parkzark

    I miss the days of facebook poking. Still have a poke war that’s about 9 years old going on with my best friend though.

    • Amelia Diamond

      i poke everyone

    • For some reason Facebook poking always reminds me of Herbert the Pervert from Family Guy. It’s a connection I unfortunately cannot shake.

      • Oh God, I totally know what you mean. Who likes pokes anyway?!

      • parkzark

        He almost ruined popsicles for me, but no one could ever do that.

      • Amelia Diamond

        i do not watch this show but family guy seems to ruin a lot of things?

        • I don’t watch it anymore (seems like the quality has really declined), but it’s actually was incredibly clever and funny. Many of the jokes are very, very loaded and reflect almost perfectly the current news/political/social topics of a given time. So ruin, maybe, but mostly (unfortunately?) just offensively accurate.

  • I may be the only one with a Tinder story that’s basically an “RMF.” While swiping through my friend’s Tinder, I ran into my biggest crush from the fifth-grade. Of course, I had to snatch that piece up right away to see if he remembered certain middle school teachers who scared us to death. I guess now I’ll have to see if he’s on LinkedIn…

    • Amelia Diamond

      what happened!

      • long story, short– after that bizarre tinder intro, I ended up being the one “chatting” with him over text. A few days later, I actually ran into him while christmas shopping. As of now, all quiet on the western front.

        • Amelia Diamond


  • I knew some ex boyfriends were snooping on my profile. Gotta add some good stuff in there. I miss the days of old handwritten love letters. I think some ex read me one of my old ones where I claimed I was so hot I was “roasting.” Sexy!

  • Lizlizo

    Haha I’m still dying, “Isn’t the main rule of corporate life to not shit where you spreadsheet?”

    Liz Lizo
    Vogued Out

  • Interesting. I guess it makes sense to use LinkedIn to connect with someone in a more conservative way. It’s like saying “Yes, I’m grown up now” Whatever works.

    I’ll stick to using it for professional networking.

  • jellymo

    OK I have been asked out on LinkedIn TWICE already

  • Abigail

    Remember me flirting is the most classic move in the book. I’m not sure if this counts, but I sat by a man on an Amtrak who offered me an earbud so I could watch his movie with him. I declined, (ear germs, obviously), but we ended up talking and he told me that he was the CEO of a private jet company. I wasn’t very impressed by this because a) I thought it seemed like a pompous thing to share and b) I didn’t believe him. Like, why are you taking an Amtrak then? I fell asleep until I arrived and when I got home I looked him up on LinkedIn. Turns out he wasn’t lying but that didn’t change the fact that his personality was slightly repulsive. The next day, I received an invitation from him to Join His Professional Network. I had forgotten that profile views are public. He sent me a weird message about how cute it is when girls drool in their sleep and asked me to get drinks with him. He literally used the words “Remember me?” I think I would rather be poked.

    • Amelia Diamond

      oh wow. also “Like, why are you taking an Amtrak then?”

      • Joy2b

        That industry isn’t doing well right now, and many of the companies in it are small.
        If he’s a part owner, he may be pumping his money into the company during rough spots, instead of taking a salary.

  • I recently received an email telling me that the guy I lost my virginity to had viewed my LinkedIn profile. What precisely I’m supposed to do with that information, I have no idea. What are you doing on LINKEDIN that makes you wonder how I am?

    • andrea

      I’ll feel the same way about that. Just plain weird.

  • Eeeeep OMG THIS!!


  • popbijoux

    I heard from a well-placed tech source that there is an app in beta stage that links to LinkedIn instead of facebook (like Tinder does). At least you can easily verify…it will go public at some point I guess.

  • DavidJennifer

    On the whole, it goes true with ‘In love and war, don’t seek counsel,’ be it Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn. But it’s really embarrassing to read love letters and ‘love testimonials’ on LinkedIn. It is rather funny.

    I believe people go with the name ‘Linked-In’; a link up platform (a little weird though :D).


  • Joy2b

    I use linkedin and facebook totally differently most of the time, and I use them with different people, but I admit that sometimes, linkedin is great for just being curious about a person. Most social media sites have nearly unlimited options for obfuscation.

    Good business networking requires a decent picture, an honest self assessment, and good behavior in front of a big audience.