Leg Elongation PSA: Invisible Heels Will Change Your Life

Leg surgery be damned.

01.14.15

You may be looking at the above photos and saying to yourself, self, this is boring. How much more time will Leandra spend subjecting me to the scrutiny of her poorly planned outfits, specifically when they manifest as brown plaid suits that could have easily belonged to Napoleon Dynamite’s brother when he un-ironically ushered the 70s back in during the 2004 cinematic rush.

I will, of course, defend myself, citing a historical proclivity for cropped flare pants, for suits and for an intention no more convicted, no less meditated than to look like a member of the Gainsbourg family.

But to have that conversation would mean that you’re missing the point.

While you may not see it, I am actually standing two inches taller than my regular height, which is exactly the point.

On the week before Christmas, like some version of an agnostic Santa Claus, an anonymous gift giver dropped off four bright pink cylindrical containers at the Man Repeller doorstep. On them read five words — “Say Hello to Longer Legs.” It was assumed that the phrase doubled as the product’s tagline, which really makes you wonder but for only as much time as it takes to open said containers, appraise the interior “lifts” and place them inside your shoes as though you are flat footed and these are your Scholl’s.

And that’s it! That’s the whole thing. Once you insert your feet into the lift-boasting shoes, you are, just like that, two inches taller. No leg reconstructive surgery required, no expensive trend-beaten sneakers fouled (they are excellent inside Stan Smiths and practically invisible in an array of flat boots).

No one knows, no one cares and arguably best of all, now there are only sixteen inches separating you from Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. So cool.

Creatures of Comfort suit, Vince sweater, J.Crew turtleneck, Golden Goose sneakers. Get Invisible Heels here. 

Update: the lifts are actually called “Invisible Heels” — but of course.

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