The realization that just two and half hours south of New York there is a beach, and on this beach there lay women in bikinis, is brutal. Particularly when north of the exposed-ass-cheek-capital of America, it is not just throbbing ear season but it is so cold that when a drop of water is accidentally spilled, there is a 0% chance that whomever’s poor soul is destined to climb over the spill is also destined to fall into it.
Bruises will ensue.
Pride will deflate.
The awareness that, again, just two hours south of the tundra, there is a beach, it is in use, and neither you nor the concrete on which you lie are on it will be overwhelming, and so shall begin the grand winter weather lament. With this lament comes only one saving grace, which is a pair of invasively high waist white jeans that will remind you, every time you look down and can catch a glimpse at their light, that behind the wool and leather and the houndstooth and the socks, there is the hope of warmer days.
You pile the layers on so that you can marvel in the freedom that comes with an eventual peel off. Use this as a guide:
Outfit #1: for a 35 degree (fahrenheit) afternoon, when you’re thinking about Katharine Hepburn if she’d been a friend of Inès de la Fressange’s, and frequently attended fashion week shows but just for fun. You’re wearing a double breasted blazer like it’s the topper of a three-piecer with a vest and a blouse and bow tie and, because you’re cold, you’re wearing a dress underneath it all. Except the white jeans. There are also platforms and socks, check and check.
Outfit #2: for a morning that hits about 29 degrees (fahrenheit), intended for recreational meandering provided you have been deeply inspired by a painter whose name is now escaping you. There is Victorian lace beneath your white chambray smock and your legs, covered in jeans, are the canvas on which your story is written. So too is your coat, which it is worth mentioning, is animal-cruelty-free.
Outfit #3 does not know the bounds of climatic volatility. It serves only to say this: I might not be on a boat, but that does not mean I cannot dress like I am on a boat. Viva maritime laws!
Now which one will you try first?