The Thought Process of Waking Up and Going to Work

Did I or did I not take my birth control last night?



I can sleep for at least 50 more minutes.

I’m going to sleep for 52 just to prove a point.


Okay, I’m up. My convictions never steer me in the direction I think they will. Last night’s dream was weird. A building on 18th Street that had a ground level Isabel Marant shop was blown up. I couldn’t get in touch with my mom. I should call my mom, she just got back from Florida. Did I take a probiotic last night? I am so gassy. Why is my mouth so dry?

Electric toothbrushes are so cool, this makes oral hygiene so much easier. What’s going up at 9AM this morning? Oh, Amelia’s Mindy Project review. That means I have the 11AM, which, by no coincidence at all, will catalogue precisely what I’m thinking right now. Is this considered performative art? I should probably get into the office by 9:30. What did I have for breakfast yesterday? I’m going to soak some chia seeds and put them in yogurt and call it pudding. Oh gosh, I hate myself.

I don’t feel like making the bed. Just once, I’d like to leave for work before Abie does so that he can be on pillow fluffing patrol. Let it be known: I do not like fluffing pillows.

It looks hot outside. I’m going to wear a skirt. I have been so amused by a-line skirts with socks and sneakers this month. Should I shoot this look for Office Apropos? Eh.

I think I’ll wear a tank top too. Should I work out? Nah. My hair is already oily, sweat will make shit so much harder on my scalp. Oh! I wonder if I have any Klorane dry shampoo left. Let me get the hot water running.

I wonder what will happen if I throw ginger and carrots into a blender. This skirt would look much cooler with my leopard print sneakers. Should I take heels for that event tonight? Yeah, I’ll put them in my backpack.

8:57AM: Chia seed coconut yogurt was a much better idea in theory than it was in practice. I think this needs cinnamon or something. I will tell everyone it was delicious regardless.

How soon is too soon to start thinking about imbibing? I should have gone to that dance cardio class this morning. Did I e-mail Hannah about being featured on the site? Shit, I have to fill that prescription before Friday.

The new issue of NY Mag has been staring at me since it landed at my doorstep a week ago. Do I have to leave the office at any point today? Should I take it to read on the subway? Am I the only human who finds reading on the subway difficult? So much more fun to peek over the shoulders of co-riders and see what they’re reading. Except that one guy, clearly on his way to his bank job at J.P. Morgan reading about sports. That is no fun at all.

9:23AM: Where the f-bomb are my Isabel Marant sneakers? Should I just wear boots? It’s going to rain today. I kind of feel like eggs now. Should I grab eggs before going to work?

9:32AM: FYI, my sneakers were in a backpack I have not used in two weeks. Securely fastened to my feet, they’re ready to take me places. Wallet? Check. Keys? Check. Cell phone?

Where is my phone?


9:41AM: FYI pt. 11: It was INSIDE the freezer. I must have left it there when I pulled out a Medjool date this morning. Do you freeze your dates? I wonder if anyone else freezes their dates. Does anyone else eat dates? Okay, I should go.

Where should I get my coffee? I feel like this shouldn’t be such a struggle every morning considering the guide we put together last August. I don’t like Gasoline Alley so much anymore. Organic Avenue? It’s not strong enough. I love the dirty hazelnut brew from Han’s deli but they don’t have any form of non-dairy — what’s the worst that can happen from a tiny serving of skim milk? I’m going to Han’s. YOLO.

Shit, it is hot. I did not need this blazer. Is it going to rain? I didn’t bring an umbrella. I hope there’s one at the office.

9:52AM: This coffee is so good.

9:54AM: Uh, where are my keys?

FUCK, I forgot to get a photocopy of my passport for my Australian visa. When will I have time to do that later?

Oh, thank goodness this guy is here to open the door. Okay, cool. I have an hour to get this story together. I think I can do it. Let me just see what’s up on Net-a-Porter first. They refresh their product selection on Wednesdays and I have a gift card and oh, that’s a cool cape! NINE THOUSAND DOLLARS?

What about Matches? What’s up on Matches?

Leandra, you need to buckle down. This story is going up in 49 minutes. Start writing. 84 e-mails? That’s dramatic. Let me see how Amelia is feeling. She looks a little stabby.

Via G-chat: “I had a clothing and body breakdown this morning.”

Okay, I’ll catch her later.

“It is 7:03AM.” — No, that’s not right. I feel like these thought process stories always start first thing in the morning. They shouldn’t be mistaken for morning meditations.

Why hasn’t my mom texted me back yet? Let me just take a quick glance at my phone to see if she’s read it.

That picture got 4,585 likes on my personal Instagram account? Why? I’m hungry again. I’m gonna go get eggs once I finish with this story. How are people liking Amelia’s Mindy Project recap?

2 comments. That’s it? WTF.

Okay, I need to buckle down. BUCKLE DOWN, LEANDRA. Buck. Le.

Oh, there’s my mom calling, I have to take this. Brb.

Get more Brain Massage ?