Save The Date

The following are a list of dates I will be unavailable in the coming months…


Dear Friends, Family and Loved Ones,

I am thrilled and excited to announce the following dates that I will be unable to attend whatever event it is that you’re planning to blindside me with in the form of expensive cardstock and cheeky font.

The weekend of June 6 is not looking great for your bridal shower. I know I wasn’t technically invited to it yet, but I heard you speaking about it to Tammy and you’ve been commenting on a lot of my photos lately, so consider this my polite preemptive strike before you ask. The thing is, I have a lot of errands I’ll be needing to run — dry cleaning, making a grocery list I’ll never abide by, learning how to floss, wandering around the street aimlessly — and I’m just worried the timing on this one isn’t what’s best for me.

The weekend of June 27th doesn’t quite work either as far as your actual wedding goes, and I cordially invite you to reconsider. It’s not that I don’t want to attend the celebration between you and your soulmate. I totally do. Your soulmate has hot friends and I’m not one to turn down a dance floor with an open bar. That said, June 27th falls on the weekend prior to July 4th, and I was kind of hoping to have a few days in my apartment to just hang out with my cat before leaving on vacation.

The weekend of July 4th …Speaking of vacation: I am happy to announce that July 4th is the same day, every year, so going forward, in general, whatever it is you’re creating a Paperless Post for, I can’t come. Yes, yes, I understand venues are cheaper. But flights are not. You don’t mind moving your monumental birthday to the following weekend, right?

The weekend of July 26 It’s an honor and a privilege to inform you that I am busy from Friday evening until Sunday around bedtime. Actually, perhaps a better phrase to use is that I’ll be “indisposed,” as I plan on taking a bath here or there and sending a few text messages. But really, I’m free as a bird. I just don’t feel like packing or taking a bus.

The month of August in general Eee…yeah…the whole month is just…I have a wax appointment and…hey look over there! Tea lights!

Labor Day Weekend It with great pride and joy that I invite you leave me alone on the last weekend of summer. If you could refrain from celebrating any and all nuptials, vow renewals, bachelorettes, themed “girl nights,” bat mitzvahs, bar mitzvahs, quinceañeras, “big three-ohs” and super sweet 16s, that would be fantastic. Maybe just save those for that boring span between New Years and April. I’m wide open then. For now. I’ll have to check my datebook and get back to you.

Kindly consider this my RSVP.

Get more Humor ?
  • Amelia, you’re a genius. I love you. On. Point.

  • I will be sending this to everyone everywhere.

  • Teresa

    Sounds like you’re going for the “summer of you”…DO IT!!! And just think, about 50% of the weddings you missed, you might get a mulligan on down the road. Oops, did I say that out loud?!?

  • Rebeka Osborne

    TRUTH! January – April, invite me to all your stuff. Summer on the other hand, I’m busy too!

  • Jhake

    LMAO, Gotta do this….

  • hahaha you rock. the only weekends i have available this summer fo rill are the first two in august. starting this coming weekend. SUCKS being so populah.

    • Wow! What does it feel like to have *actual* reasons for having booked weekends. The only reasons I know consist of cuddling with my dog and watching bad 70s movies.

      My friend and I are putting on a dinner party tonight though for a bunch of friends. We hate high school parties and wanted an excuse to drink champagne and cook good food and dress up.

      • It feels very, very expensive. AND FUN! mostly fun. Dinner party sounds lovely and so so classy.

  • Ablo


  • ee_by_cc

    Hilarious! Had an eerily similar conversation with a good friend of mine yesterday, it’s like you’re in my brain. Hope the accommodations are nice in there.

  • Will deFries

    I’d say that there’s a 100% chance that “Tammy” is Tammy Taylor, but she weirdly spells her name “Tami.”

    • Amelia Diamond

      You get me Will deChillin

    • Tamara

      another “Tami” here who never got a choice on the “weird spelling” of my weird name…my parents decided that for me and i have always hated it. hence my own children got normal names!!

  • lavieenliz

    this is amazing

  • Androbel

    hahhaahha you are awesome!

    Xo, Belen

    Androbel (visit for giveaway and new coffee shop!)

  • HerNameIs_Rio

    oh sweet baby J. this is prime. #PreachIt

  • Hahaha yessss. This post is my spirit animal.

  • Quinn Halman

    Amelia, I think that even Kanye himself would have no issue saying that you are an absolute genius with the written word!

  • gina
  • this is everything. Best of MR!

  • Hudson Berry


  • Run With Fashion

    oh my god, I totally enjoyed reading this, was so funny it made me laugh, love the attitude! 😀 lol

    Run With Fashion

  • theseventhsphinx

    I’ve got to eat these brownies…

  • Tamara

    i think it is very considerate of you that you left the world a couple of openings early on…

  • hahaha this is awesome!

  • Zoey Braun

    This was hilarious Amelia!

  • MargaretInArabia

    Also, although I may, in some instances, be technically “home,” i.e not leaving town, I will be completely unavailable to take care of your dog/!cat/bird/baby/stepchild. Nor will I care to water your plants, collect your mail, buzz in the plumber who is only available THAT PARTICULAR Friday, etc., etc, etc.

  • Kristy

    haha this is my life this summer!
    Super petty of me, but I just want to be a bitter single person!

  • hi_itsgabby

    Can I RSVP yes to be your best friend?