All White Everything

The proof that rules are made to be broken is in the one about white after labor day


Was it Kathleen Turner as Serial Mom or Puff Daddy prior to his public name amendment who first mused, “She who shall wear white post Labor Day will get her shit fucked up”?

I ask because never has it been so obvious that the rule on white and the sanction on when it can be worn is one so ridiculous, so nonsensical, so downright stupid, I have to wonder whether that which made Emily Post popular in the first place is just an enormous nucleus of silly, nonfactual hypotheses that her fervid adherents have assumed as universal truths.

It’s bad form to speak poorly of the dead, though, so instead I propose that we dive in to that which is very much alive: winter and the corresponding white we should definitely be wearing. It’s true that a wide selection of the runway images as plucked-by-Charlotte-for-your-viewing-pleasure and documented above come from the most recent deluge of Spring shows but as far as I’m concerned, that is just further fodder to take the summer season specific spoils you already own and make them appropriate for use under the soupy, breaking clouds that permeate this early November afternoon.

I, for one, did just that with one pair of discussed-ad-nauseam Maison Martin Margiela white jeans┬álast week, remember? And today, as a matter of fact, I’m wearing white-ass shoes.

More interesting to canvass is perhaps just why the white-after-labor-day embargo occurred in the first place. Well-reputed journals, like Time Magazine for example, might try to convince you that the stoppage burgeoned in the late 1800s as a tactic that would clearly ascertain the hard differences between seasons. Panama white linen signaled a call to warmer climates where darker, muted tones were a supposed foray into colder weather. The distinction also discerned the difference between she who could afford a new wardrobe seasonally versus she who could not which makes the sanction loosely biased, incredibly snobby and therefore null and void.

Frankly, I think the real genesis of this issue hearkens back to the Himalayas, where the abominable snowman is said to have been born. When it was warm, said snowman and his white fur would migrate, leaving room to wear the anomaly’s hue without being mistaken for his double. But when it got cold, he would come back, and the similarities between your person and the Yeti would become far too difficult to differentiate thus mandating an important and urgent ban on white. It was for the sake of survival.

The thing is, we don’t live in the damn Himalayas. So wear white and be merry, would you?

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