The Rat in the Hat

Zealous advice to New New Yorkers on a quest to call the concrete jungle, home.


You’re likely familiar with The Cat in The Hat, yes? And Dr. Seuss’s infamous children’s book-cum-graduation gift-cum-light at the end of insert tragic tunnel here-cum best life advice since stay away from those green eggs–yes? Well, today team Man Repeller wants to share our newest parody–the Rat in The Hat–bequeathing each and every New-New Yorker a sliver of good advice from three old-gate denizens to consider the next time he or she might find him/herself on the brink of, say, entering Times Square. Or getting drunk in Murray Hill.

It is also our first story book, albeit a digital one–which officially makes us absolute products of 2013, so we’re eager to hear what you think. Per usual, the illustrations are by Charlotte Fassler (see also: the artist formerly known as The Talented Mr. Ripley).

Now, to the old New Yorkers–did we leave anything off? Please do take this opportunity share the best advice you, too, have learned. And, of course, hear, hear to being the lucky ones.

Get more Humor ?
  • JuneBug

    Why does the Rat have to originate from the Brooklyn boro though? I detect major shade, Manrepeller.

    • Leandra Medine

      He’s not from Brooklyn (he actually lives under the 6 train platform at 77th street) he’s just also a huge Jay-Z fan (cue: hat)

      • Zoe

        He’s a huge Jay-Z fan or a huge Jay-Z fan when he collaborates with Kanye and only then? Not implying that that is my opinion…north…

  • Trendsurvivor

    Cool story .. I am loving the illustrations … I want more….



  • Bird

    i am printing this.

  • NewCity

    As a New New Yorker (just reached the one month mark), I think this is quite helpful. I found the bit on the city as a toilet particularly spot on. The idea of sandals on these streets makes my skin crawl.
    I have found myself at war with the weekend/ late night train schedules, New New Yorkers need to learn to check MTA weekender before planning an excursion. Or when trying to get to work on time.

    • andrea

      You should have been here in the old days, when there was no MTA weekender or, or no internet to look stuff up (i.e., the 60s, 70s, 80s, or earlier). You were on your own baby! But that’s what made us tough.

  • Nico
  • Natalie

    I cannot tell you how much I love this!!!! Just moved to the city and I will have this binded for my bookshelf collection <333

  • Love this. I’ve never been to NYC before, but when I do, I feel that now I’m a tiny bit more prepared for the subtle nuances of the city. 🙂

  • Jessica

    Very clever! I will definitely have to keep this in mind when I move to New York-my dream city to live in!

  • sazzly glimmer
  • and here comes his friend on wing and wing two
    a cute little pigeon who does nothing but coo.
    you’ll want to feed him but i urge you to eschew
    because he’ll share with the rat just causing more poo.


  • Guest

    He’s a huge Jay-Z fan or a huge Jay-Z fan when he collaborates with Kanye and only then? Not implying that that is my opinion (which it is [and ya Kanye on his daughter, North!])

  • nics

    used to live in NYC and absolutely love the story brought back amazing memories of the best city in the world!!

  • chatNoir

    Hooray! FINALLY a rodent story that doesnt involve slandering the cute little fuzzy-wuzzies. And features a fashionable beret-wearing rat, too!

    *Standing Ovation*

  • CarlotaLMorais

    I’m portuguese and I’ve been to new york last december 2011 to meet my new york friends. I came with another friend, she was polish and easily impressed. So our new york friends said ‘Girls the only thing you should not do IS STARE. Don’t STARE at anyone!!

  • I am not a New Yorker and i haven’t been to New York. And the fact that i come from Indonesia doesn’t help much either. But anyway, i lern many from this illustration. Regardless of the objective, i think wit has become the new education guide. Nice one!

  • zoe_whip

    Cute and funny –> I want more from the rat!

  • Sharon

    This is the cutest/most informative thing I’ve ever read in a long time. Definitely brightened up my day.

    Although (since I’ve never been to NY) … i don’t get that poo slide … are you saying there’s poo on the streets and I must wear closed toe shoes? O.o

    • Kate Barnett

      it’s the rat in the hat’s poo! as for close-toed shoes, i’d avoid spending a day in flip flops. by the end your feet will be visibly encased in grime. it’s particularly unsettling if it starts to rain, you’re feet are just bathing in filth. that’s not to say i don’t venture out in open-toed heels, though.

  • Jen

    So cute! Everything still rings true after living here for 10 years. I especially love the Magnolia part. Every new yorker must have a go-to potty spot in every neighborhood. Why not make it a good one?

    • Guest

      Magnolia had a rat-poo incident and was shut down for a while–ick! But, that’s what that slide refers to. 🙂

  • Nina V

    Yeah yeah I get it…I have to move there…soon! 🙂

    Great job !!

  • Belén Cavas Hernández

    Great post!!!

    New post in the blog ☀100% SUMMER☀

  • c.

    taking notes. #futurenewyorker

  • Kelly

    This is excellent.

  • Omar Abreu

    It’s funny cause it’s true. The accuracy is quite frightening.


    This is so cute. The one about subway turnstiles is especially true.
    Can’t wait for more!

  • tdubz

    You left out one of the most critical pieces of advice for entering/exiting subways with escalators: Left lane is for Walking ONLY while right lane is for standing. Every quintessential NYer knows that.

    • Leandra Medine

      GOOD. POINT.

      • whateverwhatever

        but srsly only stand if you’re pregnant/elderly/disabled. it’s a means to exit swiftly, not a fucking ride at disneyland. #nyhatesthelazy

        also, don’t give money to the homeless. positive reinforcement. tipping “show time, show time, omg time” is perfectly acceptable though.

        also, there’s a map for that. google map, mta map, figure. it. out.

  • Kathy Jacobsma

    omg Thank You FOr This. Moving There In A Month. Have Any More Tips?

  • QueenOfTheFlippyLittleBoys

    I’m a New Yorker born and raised and I’ll admit, sometimes I forget about Staten Island until one of my friends says they’re from there. The story reminds me of the one time my friend thought she saw a squirrel on 41st street at 8pm when we were 16. There are no squirrels on 41st. Needless to say, she ran and left me 😀

    This is the first time I’ll be back in NYC long term since transferring over into adulthood, so it’ll be fun to experience the crazy from that end of the spectrum.


  • Nicole Pedrozagg

    Omg Man repeller, THAT IS FUNNY!

  • Mari Dias

    Note to self: no open toe shoes around the city anymore. But they are oh so pretty. Modern Life dilemmas…

  • andrea raymer

    I love the part about not wearing flip flops. Last week my friend and I went outside barefoot and we immediately realized how obvious it is that we haven’t lived here long, totally embodying the southern hick stereotype. Naturally, I immediately washed my feet as soon as i got back inside. I felt like I stood in vomit.