Millionaires & Spectacles

Patti, I think it’s time we have a talk.


Illustration by Charlotte Fassler, written by Mattie Kahn

It’s 9pm on a Saturday night and Patti Stanger would like me to change. I know this to be true not because the Millionaire Matchmaker herself stands before me (if only!), but rather because as a committed viewer of her Bravo TV show, I can say with some conviction that she would be displeased with my choice of outfit. Patti does not favor ironic sweatshirts. And she does not like brogues.

For the uninitiated: Patti Stanger is a third-generation matchmaker. Unlike her no-doubt Delancy-Street-dwelling forbearers, she lives in sunny Los Angeles. Capitalizing on the town’s singular combination of wealth and insecurity, Stanger founded the Millionaire’s Club, a dating service for—le duh—millionaires.

The Millionaire Matchmaker debuted in 2008. In each episode, viewers are introduced to two largely insufferable millionaires, who are, in turn, presented at a cocktail party with a host of pre-screened, purportedly companionable women. Each client picks one such lady to take out for a date, and we get to watch. A highlight of the hour-long program comes at its conclusion when we find out whether either of the installment’s two couples is still dating. The fact that I’m genuinely invested in the happiness of two morally questionable strangers is a topic we can all explore together at a later date.

But The Millionaire Matchmaker isn’t all fun and games. No sooner did it premiere than I was made to understand that I was handling this courtship business all wrong. According to Patti, a successful relationship is predicated on a few vital components. Among them are straight hair, cleavage, and general obedience. Other Patti edicts: A predisposition for jewel tones is good. Midi skirts and neon are bad. On one memorable occasion, Patti informed New York women that they should “dumb it down a little” if they want to find a date. She once called someone “a poodle” and has been known to shout, “Where’s the body!” to women in maxi dresses. To think of the true love I could be enjoying if I weren’t so fixated on ordering my own meals at restaurants. Or wearing chunky-knit sweaters.

Okay. Fine. You’re disgusted. I know. I know!

What about feminism? And Beyoncé? What about mutual friends? And meet-cutes? And the vague, icky feeling that the Millionaire’s Club might be punishable by law?

Theoretically, I’m with you. And yet I’m mesmerized.

I love the show in spite of myself and my mother and Betty Friedan. (Ed. note: Who just posthumously celebrated the 50 year anniversary of The Feminine Mystique).  Maybe it’s because there’s something to be said for Patti’s old-school advice. Her assertion that nothing good ever happens after 11pm might just merit an amendment to the texting constitution. And maybe—though I’d like to deny it—some small, Neolithic part of me is hopelessly swayed by her antiquated claims.

That unsavory possibility explains why I went momentarily numb a few weeks ago when my eye doctor informed that I shouldn’t be wearing contacts for more than twelve hours per day.

“But how am I supposed to see?” I asked him stupidly.

“Are glasses too radical a suggestion?” he replied.

Um, yes.

I’ve hated glasses since my first pair in the fourth grade. They were crimson red and wire-rimmed and I was blind without them. But I cried all the same when I came home from school after debuting them because a nine-year-old asshole told me I looked like Arthur the Aardvark. I begged my parents for contacts immediately, and once I secured them three years later, I vowed never to sport frames again.

I told Dr. S as much, but he remained unmoved.

“Do I really need them? Like, really, really?”

“Really,” he said, writing me a prescription.

Deferring to medical authority, I brought a great friend to Oliver Peoples to face my fear of four eyes. If I was going down, I was doing it in style.

“I want them to be invisible,” I commanded the helpful saleswoman. Nodding, she began her search, and I tried on roughly thirty versions of the same nearly imperceptible model.

“I look like an accountant!” I wailed. And, really, could there be a grimmer resemblance?

Finally, the saint helping me whipped out a pair she called “the Deacon.” They were thick-framed and heavy and reminded me of Jenna Lyons. They were not invisible. In fact, they seemed downright powerful.

Patti would have hated them.

“They’re perfect,” I said, instantly intoxicated by my reflection. I thought of Teddy Bromberg and his childhood insult. Then I thought, screw you, Teddy.

And here’s the thing: Since debuting them on campus, I have never gotten more brazen compliments from individuals of the opposite sex. An ex something-or-other called them sexy. A friend diagnosed them as “50% scholar, 50% bombshell.” Even my brother likes them.

I want to tell Patti that she’s too entertaining to be such a goddamn misogynist. I want to explain that there is a breed of men outside Los Angeles who will tolerate overalls and ambitious careers and advanced degrees for the women they love. I want to explain that the only boys who have ever mattered really liked my untamed hair.

But I already know I won’t convince her. How could I? Patti Stanger definitely does not read the Man Repeller.

Get more Pop Culture ?
  • Heidi

    This may be my favorite post ever! Well done.

  • Kelley Mullarkey

    This is how fashion blogs should be written! Intelligent, cultural and still fashionable. Enough with the same old “Look at me in my favorite outfit in 10 of the same photos in the street.” We need to rise the bar of fashion blogging and show others it demands respect. Love this piece. Humorous, thought-provoking and enjoyable.

    • pixiedust8

      I agree. I love the MR because it tackles interesting topics and isn’t like “Here I am, posing coyly so people can tell me how pretty I am and I can get a makeup contract.”

      • Laura

        I agree. That’s why I’ve stopped reading other fashion blogs since I discovered this one. Pretty pictures make us tired and MR makes us THINK.

        • Shawnee Rajala


      • Will Code For Clothes

        So the contraceptive glasses are no longer contraceptive?!

      • caramba

        Mattie Kahn wrote this article

        • pixiedust8

          I know, which is why I talked about the MR and specifically didn’t reference Leandra writing this. I liked this blog post and I also liked that Leandra tackled prostitution in another blog post.


      Tots agreed.

    • E_LA

      Amen! Well said!

  • Elisa

    This sounds like a fascinating show, could we have it in the UK please, channel 4 would definitely be interesting in something as dumb as wonderful as this. I’m totally with you with Olivers People glasses, I’m sorry but these things can be SEXY.

    Elisa – Wandering Minds fashion

  • AvraG

    So BIZARRE but true. I met another well known New York matchmaker a few years ago. The first thing she said to me…was get rid of your glasses or you’ll never meet a man! I wrote about it on MORE magazine’s website. It was a hilarious experience. Have a read at Matchmaker, make me a match – Meet the matchmaker – More magazine

  • brie

    I’ve always said glasses are an extension of your style. I’ve always choose stylish glasses. Eyewear is an accessory like anything else. Love your blog and the witty prose.

  • Glasses are totally sexy when worn with great confidence and a sense of adventure. And to quote yet another misogynistic cliche, the sexy librarian thing totally works sometimes. I used to hate wearing my glasses as well, but I got a few frames that I love and now sometimes I will take out my contacts and put on my glasses before i go out because I feel like it adds something to the overall look. My optometrist actually told me you should think of contacts as high heels, wear them out, but when you get home, kick them off. And since I never ever wear heels around the house, that sort of made sense to me. As for your attraction to trashy shows, I feel you on that one too. Shahs of Sunset anyone?

  • Wendy

    So true! I’m a bit addicted to the show as well, but I hate how the girls all look trashy! It’s not style it’s just displaying them as a piece of meat. I think great style is much sexier than tight, short dresses & 5 inch heels!

  • this is wonderful. eyewear, reality tv, and the search for everlasting love.

  • Jade Unser

    Amazing post- intelligent, witty, humorous, and more importantly…true. Thank you from all the untamed brunette-headed, college grads, wearing extra large chunky knit sweaters. Amen!

  • I am still looking for a pair of glasses I love. as of now, I hate wearing it cause it makes my head hurts.

    • gatosgatos

      But they shouldn’t make your head hurt! There might be a mistake in your prescription.

  • Ha! This is great. She definitely does not read you MR, but she’s missing out.

  • Very well written, I love this post. I feel like your are talking to me, I live in South Florida and I’m no South Beach babe. And you know what? the guys that Patti are prepping women to please, I don’t want them anyways. I’m opinionated and I believe that there’s men out there that would find that charater trait attractive.


  • Floor |

    Great article. Laughed out loud! Something that Patti would probably not approve of either..

  • Mie

    She should though….MR (you!) is damn entertaining!!! So is she (Patti) but in a whoooole different way!

  • Felicia Cooper

    this is such a great article. i love how she shamelessly watches trashy tv but then thoughtfully analyzes it in such an astute and feminist (?) way. so well written and relatable!!!

  • Cate

    I don’t know what you’re talking about; Arthur was sexy as hell.

  • I loved this post! It was my favorite read in a long time!!!

  • Skittles

    Weren’t you just bitching about people thinking your posts were sponsored? You wrote a post like this last year that must’ve been sponsored by cheapy hipster glasses company Warby Parker. Guess you’re over those frames now since you’ve purchased some from a place you’re much more likely to shop from! Oliver Peoples.

    • Leandra Medine

      Hey–I didn’t write this (as clearly indicated at top) and Warby Parker has never sponsored me. They just make really, really good eyeglasses.

      • =^..^=

        Isnt it funny/annoying/disconcerting/etc to see so many commenters automatically assume that every single post is written by Leandra — even those that are Very Clearly Marked to the contrary ?

        Hm, maybe they need eyeglasses ….

  • MR is definitely the best fashion blog! After reading this, I kinda feel ridiculous calling myself a blogger. I love this article!

  • Dorie {Brooklyn Salt}

    I can’t get through the day without uttering a Patti-ism.

  • I love her show and find myself mesmerized, asking the same questions explored here. Should I show my top breasts? I love oversized shirts, tennis shoes with skinny pants and not tanned skin, so what would Patty say? I am sure we are all sitting at home wondering, what would Patty say?! Should I straighten my damn hair?!! TELL ME!!! After 7 years in LA, the habitats insecurity driven definition of sexy has infiltrated *just enough* to have me questioning boob jobs, lip gloss and stilettos (and their equivalence to wealth). Once, I had lunch at Boa with a multi millionaire, right next to Patty and she didn’t notice my Nikes! The fuck?! Sad face extreme. :**( Mother fucking Nikes on a date… he fell in love Patty. He fell in love. Just like everyone does with you, Miss Kahn. Love your writing and blog. Rock your glasses girrrl.

  • renee gillespy

    Best Post Ever! SO happy to be a feminist 🙂

  • This morning on my way to work I was listening to Diane Rehm and friends discuss the Feminine Mystique and its lasting effect, and how our generation does not understand what battles were fought for us not all that long ago. Thanks for proving that wrong…

    On the other hand, I think Patti is dealing with super basic ideals for people that are very hard to match. I think she deals in caveman basics, and the people who she finds matches for, for better or worse, subscribe to exactly what is coming out of her face. I am constantly thinking about the whole “But if I am too masculine (with my career and opinions) will men NOT want to date me??” And that is immediately met with “Fuck that, I just want to be MYSELF” its a constant conversation inside my head….
    thanks for writing this, its fucking perfect for today…

  • Amy R

    I am in a constant battle with liking things that seem to go against the feminist view point (as I am a feminist). My main problem at the moment is misogynistic rap…

  • Great article!

    I stopped watching this show a long time ago. She objectifies women, and the desperate and insecure men who hire her services are only after “trophy” wives. I haven’t met one single man who’s happily married (or has had a long-lasting marriage) with the type of women she refers. Plus, I find her a little obnoxious. What was it she said about engagement rings? That we should get a carat per year?

    I much rather be my stubborn, opinionated, flawed and intellectual self- Thank you!

  • Jacqueline

    As much as I love fashion week, I kind of cant wait for it to be over. Ive noticed you don’t post everyday like you normally do. And i know, i get it, your very busy handling your man repelling…duties? I don’t know, maybe it’s just me but I miss you. If that makes sense. I feel as if I’ve lost a best friend :/

    • Leandra Medine

      I’ve been hyper posting, twice a day! Yesterdays only came a bit late because I was traveling. I’m back, though, baby and ready to reacquaint myself with bestfriendmanship.

      • Hawa254

        Houston, I think we have a problem: With posts this good I can see where Jacqueline is coming from. I am 8hrs ahead of NY time and I still keep refreshing TMR in hope of new posts. Even when it is obviously night time there.

  • Steph

    Hi Leandra! I am a huge fan of your blog and read it all the time. Love the above post (definitely watched Millionaire Matchmaker last night) – and I do hope there are some guys out there looking for MORE than a bright blonde LA girl! Because I am definitely not one of them.

  • Karen

    Sigh, beautiful (and sexy) is in the eye of the beholder. The beholders on Millionaire Matchmaker are assholes, thus their vision is obscured. Wear the glasses and be your smart, hot damn self. Screw Patty, she panders to idiocy.

  • Johanna Moroch

    Let’s make our own millions!

  • Freakin. Brillant. I’m a Warby-Parker lady myself and consistently get more compliments whilst wearing my goggles out vs times when I cannot see (aka without). Kudos my four eyed sister! (Pound it emoji).

  • I watch the show too, despite my glasses and curly hair. She would never accept me.

  • you must, must, must go see “how to marry a millionaire,” immediately. lauren bacall and marilyn monroe (which should be enough said), in a fantastic pairing, with monroe giving a wonderfully hilarious display of physical comedy (in spectacles!).

    for a film produced in the 1950s, and in the states, it is surprisingly progressive in a sort of “free to be me, as i am, and still get the man i want”; obviously, still a bit tinged in 1950s stereotype and suppression.

    i would recommend madame stanger see this at her earliest convenience as well….

    • pixiedust8

      I love this movie. It is very hard to find without getting an actual DVD (although it is worth it). I wish Netflix or Amazon or someplace would stream it.

  • Such a stupid show but I love it too! It’s my one guilty/trashy pleasure TV show. Even though Patti would hate me, since she HATES ALL REDHEADS for no reason! And makes them dye their hair, even if they’re natural redheads! It’s insanity!

  • B.

    I just posted about women and those that inspire me. And its because they are doin the damn thing on their own terms (see: Beyoncé: Leandra). And no offense to Patty (I intentionally spelled her name wrong) but girl, BYE! Although I cant help but regrettably think when my hair is bone straight and I’m showing my (barely there) cleavage I may or may not be approached by a millionaire, lol.

  • Nammourette

    Totally love 🙂

  • Albatross

    What glasses are you talking about and do they still exist? I am referring to ‘the Deacons’.

  • Carol Burgo

    I’m from Brazil and I really don’t know Patti’s show BUT, guess what? that’s an article that can be aplied to almost every kind of tv shows about “finding a match”. Here, in Brazil, things are a little bit worse when you see that most of the women THINK, JUGDE AND ACT like Patti all the time. In a country with so many different cultures and religions, where nudity is almost natural, it’s quite ironic to see how hypocrit and conservative are women here in about any matter. For exemple: I too have a fashion blog (not so brilliant as MR) and everyday people comment about things I MUST NOT wear, or risks I MUST NOT take, or tattoos I MUST NOT do! Can you belive this? I wonder what they would think/comment about your absolutely creative style and personality. It’s quite (not to say totaly) sad to see that we have millions of Patties among us, all around the world, that think we should all fit into a formula of (butts, lips, hair, breasts) behaviour and taste. On the other side, is also very sad to see that this “formula” exists because most men can not deal with their own (dicks) insecurities and, therefore, can not “accept” a brilliant/intelligente/amazing woman with cool outfits and lots of personality besides them. It’s just too much, you know? But guess what again? We are not therapysts and fortunately some men are not afraid. LOL. Patti is just another woman that puts other women like her on a comon (and comfortable) place called BARBIE LAND. And personally, I wouldn’t like to have a ridiculous KEN as a husband! 😀

    (ps: sorry for my possible grammar mistakes. I didn’t use google translator because I’m training my english. LOL)

    love so much you blog, your writing and, obviously, your AMAZING style!

  • LKJ

    Well I just love you. Divine. Just what I needed.

  • amara howe

    kelley makes the best point, i’m sick of credited fashion bloggers even being labeled as bloggers when the vast majority just post photos of an outfit of the day. leandra writes with intelligence, humour, wit and with such a knowledge of fashion, my role model. leandra for president.
    check out my blog:

    • Kelley Mullarkey

      Thank you!!!

    • hello

      FYI…this piece was written by Mattie Kahn and yes, she did do a great job!

  • Guest

    This is a beautifully written piece that is entertaining and thoughtful! Well done. This is how blogging should be done and I hope that one day I can write as eloquently as

  • Demelza Duder

    This is a beautifully written and thoughtful piece. The writing on this blog is one of the many reasons that I keep coming back to TMR again and again. I just hope that one day I can write as wonderfully as this. xx 🙂

  • Ditra

    “I want to explain that the only boys who have ever mattered really liked my untamed hair.”

    …Or that: the only boys who have ever mattered really liked that I am not a stick, that I don’t always wear makeup, that I like to choose what I eat and I definitely love dessert…

    That line is perfect, and sotrue. The only ones who matter are the ones who are around for you.

  • lavieenliz

    you have such a talent in writing. this post is amazing!

  • Now, I want a picture of your glasses 😉 looking for a new pair too! We can always have lasic one day…

  • Catita G.K.

    totally loved this post and for once, the writing as well, no offense but the whole thing with inventing words and going over the point with 20 millions metaphores exhausts me! lol!
    We all love your untamed hair, and you ARE our generation’s voice!

  • Patti Stanger is a moron who sets women back at least… calculating … 60 years. The same way I wouldn’t buy an outfit from a designer that can’t sew, I don’t take relationship advice from someone that not only doesn’t follow her own advice, but can’t keep a relationship

  • i would watch a reality show that pitted leandra’s man repelling approach to patti’s man getting approach. the results would be wacky and hilarity would definitely ensue.


  • Love this! Patti also hates red heads and isn’t afraid to say it. Makes me sad. Why do I watch again?

  • Casey Williams

    Patti is [apparently] good at her job – matchmaking somewhat shallow, potentially not-attractive millionaires with beautiful counterparts who may or may not be shallow, but want to be in a relationship with someone with money. So I suppose they’re shallow too. She’s the millionaires’ matchmaker, not matchmaker to the millions, the group of which most of us are members. Her advice just isn’t applicable to us 99%ers!

  • Opposite Lipstick
  • Very good piece Ms. K – I feel almost as If I was there.

  • Marley

    You are probably the greatest fashion blogger ever… Why? Because you are smart, and intelligence turns me on (as a picture you uploaded to instagram said once). Not, but really, it’s always nice seeing that there’s more than beautiful clothes and cool style behind bloggers, and that, too, I think it’s one of the biggest problems in the blogosphere nowadays. There are too many people showing 5409874 pictures of the same outfit but writing nothing interesting in their posts. So thank you for being you 🙂 (although sometimes you write so well -“literarily” speaking- that it’s a heavy read for non english speakers, like me).
    Anyway, about glasses, I wear them too. They are also like yours, the total opposite to invisible, and because I am really really shortsighted I don’t like wearing them in public because I know that I don’t look good in them, but anyway I’m in love with them and I wouldn’t change them for a normal -not geeky- model.

  • Oh Mattie, I think you just inspired me to follow my own eye doctors instructions.

  • Great post! Brilliantly written and executed. You can almost say though, that our secret guilty pleasures (mine is Vampire Diaries and X factor) makes us that much more Man Repeller approved wouldn’t you say? xoxo

  • WrySmile Fiske

    I’m with you about the show, it’s awful. However, like the homeless that I used to watch when I worked at the PABT, I’m repulsed but also too facinated to rip my eyes away.

  • rosy_hues

    oh how i love you MR 😉

  • Laura

    I wish Teddy Bromberg is reading this!

    • Laura

      And Patti! I forgot!

  • Gretchen

    Oh Leandra. I think we’re long lost sisters! Oliver Peoples, Beyonce and all that. Your writing is outta control in the best way possible. Funny, inspiring and true…so so true. Love from your long lost Australian sister, Gretchen xx

  • Danielle Davi

    This post needs a round of applause! So great, so true. I can’t not watch the Milli Matchmaker, but hate how she approaches peeps’ physical appearances. Ah, Bravo/Andy Cohen, you did it again.

  • @Jem1937 (Instagram)

    So I just got done watching a millionaire matchmaker episode… A tiny bit about me: I am in a 10 year relationship with my great boyfriend and it must be said I am a lover and wearer of the unconventional. I just got told today by my lovely mother- well I wish you wouldn’t wear leg warmers bc I always have to pretend to be foreign and for gods sakes we live in fl!– I too echo your sentiment and fully enjoyed this post..also saw you on project runway tonight and my mom goes -who is that??–she was then schooled in all things repeller. Love your blog lady! Xo

  • Rachel

    The writer seems to be missing the entire premise of the show. Yeah, Patti’s certainly misogynistic at times and her concept of a woman’s appearance is definitely outdated. But she’s catering to her clients! Her millionaires almost always request Victoria’s-Secret-model looking girls and even when Patti instructs them to look with their heads and not their “pickers,” they end up picking the Adriana Lima’s of the group anyway. Not to mention, the ladies who make appearances at Patti’s casting calls are most certainly agreeing to Patti’s criticism’s by showing up and let’s be real for a moment… They must not be that interested in finding someone who will generally love them for themselves if they are showing up at an audition to be a millionaire’s trophy wife. While there are several women who are educated, dedicated to their career, and truly genuine-seeming on the show, this doesn’t change the fact that the show’s success is largely due to the viewer’s enjoyment in judging these characters regardless. The show is supposed to be misogynistic and maybe that’s the point — to point out to us show materialistic and shallow these people seem and to implicitly instruct us by doing so to be better.

  • Guest

    Lovely article.
    I also am addicted to Millionare Matchmaker.. and show blatant disregard for a majoraty of Pattis rules.. (yes… I’m guilty of texting after 11 pm an wearing maxi dresses and ignoring the 2 drink maximum).. I think in general.. she does have good advice.. but if I were any other way it would be false advertizing.. and that my friends should be a crime.

  • Jowhara Mahomed

    I love this piece, its like a breath of fresh air honestly. Do hope to see many more

  • Joey

    Leandra you should have your own Bravo show! You could MR out girls and maybe guys in need of repelling! Like maybe for people who are a victim of getting too many dates? I would be all over that!

  • I will not dumb myself down just so I can be more ‘attractive’! That is not the right kind of ‘attractive’! I’d rather be by myself (yes I mean it) if I have to compromise my intelligence and personality just to land a guy. Only real men will appreciate the beauty of strong, intelligent and mature women who can do things for themselves.

  • joice oliveira

    I’m from a family of millionaires, and I think all too fanciful, usually when it acquired a fortune already has a desired preparation, cradle, which lead us to measure more the consequences.

  • Sketch42

    When I was a nerdy little kid with glasses, braces and frizzy hair and my nose in a book- I had an aunt tell me “DONT BE TOO SMART, YOU’LL NEVER GET MARRIED. What do you think, you are going to have a CAREER????” (I hope you read that with a Brooklyn accent.) That one statement has literally informed my entire life. It’s seared into my brain. Dress as man-getting as you want, but NEVER, EVER dumb down.

    Great article!

    (Oh, and I wore glasses out to dinner a few times, and I can confirm- glasses are sexy and guys definitely like them.)

    • pixiedust8

      Ha! I was told that I was too funny to hook a man. Apparently, men don’t like humor?

  • It’s POSSIBLE that I’m missing your main point here, but show us a picture of you in your new glasses!!

  • Lauren

    Right on lady!

  • Heather Patton

    I guess that’s the key – find someone who will like YOU, not some old-school Stepford wife version of you. Trust me, I struggle sometimes with being married – there are people out there (some very close to me) that think it’s stupid of me to keep having a career…or at least trying to have one. I can’t believe we still live in an age where some people think that women are best left to child rearing and shopping away all their husband’s money…but it’s still out there. The best we can do is value the men who value all that women have to offer, and tell the rest of the douchebags to suck it. They’d be better off with a doll. A doll won’t divorce you and take half. 🙂

  • Daaaaaaaaaang, you’re good! Enjoyed every word. Rock on with your sexy spectacles!

  • hello

    written by Mattie Kahn – you did a great job on writing this article for manrepeller blog and explaining your situation/idea/opinion in clear and understanding sentences. Bravo! (no pun intended)

  • hello


  • AG

    Ambitious career of instgramming photos of yourself in clothes paid for by your parents and rich husband! Bravo!!

  • Alexandria

    I love TMR, in theory, then I read stuff like this and remember than maybe I do not. I don’t think you get credit for wearing glasses or sweaters. If you can’t see and it is cold, these are objectively reasonable things to do. I don’t think it is novel to be comfortable in your own skin, in your own threads. I think it is apart of growing up and finding your own.

    Anyway, I am loathe to associate Leandre with “career-driven” or even “independence” because she’s never actually done anything “on her own.” She lived in her parent’s home, wearing expensive clothes purchased through familial wealth. This is the basis of her “career” which is just a blog of pictures/commentary on her (albiet, fantastic) ability to piece together these luxurious items. Fast-forward to her marriage and subsequent cohabitation with her financier husband, her new provider of sorts. At this point, I am sure TMR is making some dough, though I venture to guess her fashion acquisitions at this point are largely freebies. And, if she stopped blogging tomorrow, she would still go to fashion week, she would still wear labels we only hear about on SATC, and she would still occupy a fancy Manhattan apartment. She need not worry, not in this life or the next.

    Thus, I don’t think she can seriously look us, her readers, in the eye and espouse this “I’m my own woman” “feminist” rhetoric. In fact, I think she is amongst the likes of people like Stranger, who build “businesses” off of their preexisting wealth (and diligent marketing). This article is just splitting hairs between types of women who are already in a tiny subsection of the upper echelon of society’s most privileged.

    • Leandra Medine

      I didn’t write this, which is clearly stated above but even if I had, which I would have had it not been done better by Mattie, I quite frankly find it extremely hard to digest the notion of a woman telling another woman she can’t plausibly be dubbed feminist because of premeditated living conditions. I am lucky that I grew up in a privileged environment and I do not take that for granted. It is so easy to discard hard work based on the merit of hard work but isn’t there something to be said about my hunger to do something for myself? To separate myself from the traditional prototype: as my parents’ daughter or husband’s wife and become Leandra, period, case in point?

      • Leandra, the rest of us see and believe that you are a self-made woman. All the money in the world can’t make you an undeniably witty writer, nor possess the unintuitive yet mesmerizing style you do. People will hate on people from high means til the cows come home; at the end of the day, your financial status is quite irrelevant to your success.
        As far as feminist notions go, I see you as a forerunner, at least in the fashion sector. For years I’d wondered why, when women decide what’s fashionable, phrases like, “This is what men like,” are so commonly thrown around. What does that imply about our priorities, about the lens through which we see each other (and ourselves)? Then, TMR came along and blew that notion to the wayside. Maybe you didn’t start the revolution of dressing in what you like to wear regardless of sex appeal, but you are certainly one of the pioneers.

        So, thanks. And I love Millionaire Matchmaker, too.

      • Alexandria

        Thanks for the response, Leandra.

        I believe your original reply to me included language about deserving credit for your “hunger to do something for [yourself].” I think that is the baseline for most women, so the answer to that is no. In any event, I did not intend to convey that you can never be feminist because you aren’t prototypically self-made. The feelings I expressed stem from my longstanding attempts (as a fan or former fan of TMR at its core) to reconcile the conflict inherent in your blog. You are a funny, different person who most women (including myself) admire on some level. I appreciate you creating a space, or at least giving it a name, for unconventional style.

        Still, whether you or your agents (who as far as the blog-world is concerned are conveyors of your beliefs) believe it or not, you are quite apart from the everyday woman. I am not over simplifying “coming into your own” or “being comfortable in your own skin,” I just think most of had to do this as a matter of course. I don’t think the most important decisions of our day are deciding between contacts and designer glasses. So whether it is Singer saying “be a scantily-clad because it is sexy and you’ll get a man” or you saying “wear funky threads because it is sexy and maybe you won’t get a man (but if you do, he’s cool),” I think we are left to wonder what difference it really makes. You are still defining yourself vis-a-vis privilege and, in a sense, vis-a-vis men! To-may-toe….to-mah-toe.

    • pixiedust8

      Damn. This was cold. There’s making a point and then there’s making a point in a mean way.

    • Molly

      Critiquing other women we don’t know personally based on assumptions is one of the reasons the “feminism” movement, for lack of a better term, still has a ways to go. Your well-written comment certainly raised some good points, but couldn’t you have achieved that without personally attacking another thoughtful and eloquent woman? At the end of the day we’re all young, educated people trying to distract and entertain our minds on the internet in an insightful way. We’re all better than these antiquated “she can’t call herself a feminist because…” comments.

  • Shawnee Rajala

    I’ve watched one episode of MM in my entire life, and reading this made me remember why. Man Repeller forever!

  • I absolutely love this post! Couldn’t have summed up my own personal thoughts any better. Also, Mattie Kahn, I was called Arthur the Aardvark in elementary school too! Why is it that that particular insult stung so bad?!

  • cheapchicinchicago

    I “hate” watch this show. It’s incredibly entertaining, but I cringe at all the “advice” she gives. I remember the season she went to NY – it did not go well. Here advice was BS in NY.

  • KristianahF

    This is why I love the MR, I look forward to reading the blog as much and sometimes more than I look forward to seeing the pictures. The writing is quirky, irreverent and fun. There are few blogs that actually make me LOL and challenge my thought process. Not many blogs can marry style, intelligence and wit in this way. This is why the MR is unique, it brings so much more to the table than some posed photos.

  • Thank you. I loved this essay. I too totally find myself getting time sucked inot episode after episode of this show. I cheer for Patti and want the best for her but she is from a different era (late 90’s?) and I just want someone to send this to her. Show her the way Leandra!

  • Oh no – own goal for BC glasses!!! >:(

    <3 Paula Shoe Fiend

  • Sharon

    Such a clever post and Patti really ought to read the Man Repeller 😉

  • Alicia Knighton


    this is a coincidence because that was really the first word to came to mind when I finished reading!


    Patti has clearly never heard of the ever-popular fantasy of the sexy librarian. Glasses are hot!
    I too find this show entertaining, despite the fact that it airs on the same shitty network as the Housewives series. However, her physical beauty rules are ridiculous. Not all women are meant to straighten their hair… they’re just not.

  • JaneH.


  • Elizabeth

    It’s ironic… I, too, am addicted to Millionaire Matchmaker, yet I’d never make the cut. I have a huge mess of curls that I used to straighten to be like the girls “men wanted.” I loved your line “the only boys who have ever mattered really like my untamed hair.” As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned to use my hair as a male assessment tool – If a guy prefers my hair curly in it’s natural/wild state, it’s more likely that he’s a keeper.

  • Liv D

    Not ashamed to say Millionaire Matchmaker is one of my favorite shows… I feel Patti has, however, touches of the dreaded Gok Wan “put every woman in a wrap dress with a waist belt from Dorothy Perkins” in the style department. UK girls will know what I mean.

  • LOL I just discovered this post. Hysterical!!!!! 🙂

  • Whitney V

    Beautiful and inspiring! Empowering for women, thanks Leandra!!

  • Angel Andrina

    so, where are the glasses?? 🙂 great post.

  • April Sher Bhaika

    Love this post!! More power to you (and your eyes)

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