Road Mapping

Because Cyber Monday will get you lost


I found myself lost in the black hole of Yoox last night. It was a far less cerebral–albeit, hale–experience than that of the usual Wikipedia squandering. (I once diagnosed myself with three different brands of terminal malady in what started as an innocent search on how many cells the human eyelid hosts.) I was relieved that last night’s black hole left my organs feeling more or less okay. So what if my wallet was a little bit lighter (I bought kitten heels and a Stella McCartney jumpsuit that is so sheer I’m not sure there are any vaginal covering options as fruitful as full bush,) and brain a little bit quieter? This is Cyber Monday, after all.

I could have understood the motivation behind waking up early, waiting on lines, and allowing fellow consumers to defile my morale in the name of “winning” 40% off a flat screen TV from Target if Black Friday’s digital counterpart did not exist. But, at last, it does. And so I must ask: why risk broken bones (and the prospect of a bleeding heart should you forfeit the flat screen fight,) when we can spend all the same money, on all the same things from the comfort of our computers right now.

While the below has most nothing to do with very many digital conquests (though Man Repeller’s own Kate admits she will be “ballsing to the wallsing” in the name of tech-cessories,) it is a brief road map outlining that which Net-a-porter, Shopbop, SSense, Nasty Gal, Asos, The Outnet and–here’s the great connecter–Yoox will supply for you on this bright and sunny, discounted Monday morning.

It’s a shit-that-is-still-expensive-but-not-as-expensive-as-it-was-before tale as old as time. From top left: Giuseppe Zanotti gold booties.

Charlotte Olympia wooden heels adorned by big red flowers that look like a (insert the obvious organ here.)

Marni black and white open toe sandals equipped with gold heel and I strong suggest this purchase. White shoes are everything, even in a world when nothing is everything.

Maison Michel black fedora which is still quite expensive but I have a theory about ever lasting accessories, it goes: they’re good.

Pink Kenzo sweater (and get a load of those picket fence pants,) mint colored Proenza Schouler fall runway skirt (own a piece of history, people.) Pierre Hardy royal blue suede small handbag, Tom Binns skull adorned chandelearrings, Altuzarra black sweater equipped with white sleeve and Morrocan paraphernalia, Yves Saint Laurent green satin clutch, Rochas blue and brown clutch (the common denominator is small purse.)

And at right: burgundy Joseph leather jacket, Pucci embellished, sequined jacket and Burberry Prorsum teared pencil skirt. It looks a like a sea urchin. A sea urchin!

Meanwhile, elsewhere, more stuff. At top left: Marni earrings, an Aurelie Bidermann threaded bracelet that comes attached to a gold bangle. Diane von Furstenberg fuschia minaudiere, red and gold Balmain booties; not the ideal deal per se, but they are splendid.

Yellow sunglasses from Nasty Gal (retina shielding is a necessity that does not dissipate during colder months.)

Isabel Marant cow-girl shirt–yes, I said it. It’s so on.

The exact two-tone pseudo kitten heels I purchased from Yoox last night (this was followed by a tweet first on Truman Capote and his impact on New York and then in a perfectly nuanced segue: “I don’t hate kitten heels at all.”)

Alexander Wang foiled denim vest, why is this still not sold out? D by Dominic Jones black peck ring–perfect pour le pinky, D Squared jeans, a Thakoon utility dress that comes with a draw string therefore inferring multiple opportunities: a tent and a cinched waist? Stop. 10 Crosby by Derek Lam silk palazzo pants. Unfortunately, the cats pajamas are not yet on sale.

And, and, and, everything you buy on The Fancy today is 20% off so join me in this: If you hear any noise it’s just me and the boys bopping. Boom.

Maybe next week, we can devote an installment to Suze Orman-ing like it’s a verb and negate all that which we lost this week.

Get more Shopping ?