Know Your Onion

You peel and peel and peel and then what?

11.05.12

Global warming continues to rob us of transition seasons and November 4th leaves most tri-state dwellers with nothing but frozen finger tips to show for their arctic discontent. This means two things. Importantly, that donating warm weather wears to displaced refugees is particularly critical right now. Marginally, layering season is back in swing and therefore, so is the meat that this blog once promised to nourish you with.

If you give that some considerable thought though, swinging meat does not seem very enticing at all. Vegetarians unite.

Now I give you: Lesson in Layering, A Growing Onion.

Step 1: Pointy hair, sockless feet. Big jeans, small tank. Quiet limbs, empty ones. I feel like the less authentic version of myself. Who am I? Where am I going? That is a very long crotch stitch for such a short vagina. Ksubi jeans, Club Monaco tank.

 

Step 2: And thus I shall mask it. Other things I will mask: frozen fingertips. But not for long. This is a cotton blend. The balance of big shirt and big jeans make this easier to look at but we’re still so far from fundamental achievement. Club Monaco man shirt.

Step 3: Now it’s a lesson in layering and mixing prints. Pair small over big to maintain the subtle curves indigenous to your gender. Sleeve peeks are hip. So are hearts that can see. Commes des Garons long sleeve tee.

Step 4: A solution to stub-leg syndrome. Exist on tippy toes to detract from stubby nature of legs in big jeans. Feel free to seek comfort in your God given heels should your toes start to crunch. Black cashmere short sleeve sweater from Aritzia.

Step 5: Or wear ones that are not God given but still pretty neat. I’ve learned in recent months that cat ears and pumps medicate most situations. Posing does not but it is fun and that is a drug in its own right. Eugenia Kim hat, Isabel Marant heels.

My face needs something. Feel free to insert whatever comical remedy you may think it needs here before I come up with my own solution.

Eureka! Red lipstick. YSL lipstain times Bobbi Brown red. Here is the final step in which an over-sized motorcycle jacket silhouette slung over my shoulders will keep me vaguely warm while an under shirt, plaid shirt, striped shirt and cashmere tee do most of the arm work, pun intended. Consider how many outfits you can pull from this iteration, note the sausage making, bask in it and stroke your left eyebrow with your right index finger for good luck.

The end.

Also though, maybe keep your lips closed. This is my other brand of constipation face and I don’t wish it on my worst enemy. Thu Thu jacket.

Photos by Naomi Shon

On an unrelated note, if you’re still struggling to figure out how you can help relieve those e/a/ffected by the events of last week’s hurricane from a remote location, consider this “I Still Love NY” t-shirt from Grey Area. You don’t have to be a New Yorker to love New York and 100% proceeds are donated to relief efforts. Nothing is more engaging than a t-shirt so smart, blue dip dye can eloquently and successfully say it all. $40.

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