Though it’s over, it was notable and in an effort not to inundate your mind with “whimsical” captions that effectively amount to nothing more than the newest of broken recordings, “don’t wear pants!” I reckoned treating London Fashion Week as though it were a student body, perpetually drinking tea and ready to graduate would render more engaging. I was likely wrong but I did learn that reviewing collections remotely with the mere use of a “most likely to [insert action here]” is rather sufficient. Starting with Meadham Kirchoff I give you:
Not only Mickey Mouse’s more beautiful counterpart marveling in her own fame across the pond, but The Best Use of Accoutrements. Look at that hat, those earrings, that necklace, that Shrek-sized peplum over brocade pants. Lest I forget a ribbon crown and the secret bows riding up Figure 2’s legs.
If the former images are not convincing enough, however, this one should accurately identify why the collection wins best use accoutrements, paying attention–also–to the puppy gnome, cupcakes and dinner wear in rear vision.
Meanwhile, at Louise Gray, while clashing prints are an ongoing motif worth mentioning, the award in this collection’s honor goes out to the makeup. Yes, Louise Gray wins Most Authentic Homage to Madonna. Papa don’t preach, okay? I’m keeping my fucking baby.
At Ashish, where kitschy irony rules and Reebok sneakers join the neo-roster of fashion applicable, a single shoulder overall half jumpsuit that ministers numeric wonders and one sequined denim hybrid…thing grands this collection Most Mathematically Apt. As far as I’m concerned, fashion week only exists in the UK.
It would be cruel to disregard this fairy though and so Ashish also wins Best Interpretation of Chanel’s 2009 Yeti at The Discotheque.
In other collections that win two superlatives: Acne, with, primarily, Most Likely to Become “It” Graphic of the season. Collages are very hip right now, after all. I speculate layering hats will be hip too. And on just a wearability note, khaki drop crotch skinny trousers with ankle slits are precisely what will instigate my rescinding of the previous, destruction of the pant.
The second superlative is awarded in celebration of Tiniest Sunglasses Residing on an Adult Temple Ever.
Markus Lupfer takes the Most Likely to Give Good Advice Without Even Uttering a Word award.
Burberry Prorsum wins Most Interesting Diversion from Fall. It’s refreshing to see a fairly serious collection take a turn for the fanciful. Metallic shirts, metallic bathing suits, white spring capes? It’s a nice parlay from dark pencil skirts and pom-pom hats.
I wanted to give Mulberry, Most Committed Salute to Monochrome if only because a green tweed oversized motorcycle jacket is unanimously wearable but still novel with lightweight cuffed trousers. Then I remembered what Mulberry really deserves which tends to happen through the seasons.
And thus: Best Use of Livestock with a Mullet Bearing Poodle, duh.
Finally, Peter Pilotto. Initially, I’d had him down for Best Footwear of London Fashion Week–which would make sense, Nicholas Kirkwood can effectively do no wrong but as I moseyed through the collection, admiring the cascading ruffles, unapologetic use of color and print and the below cropped peplum, I reassessed my power to knight.
You see, just when I’d grown certain that the peplum must die, Peter Pilotto resuscitated the pervasive silhouette. Key items to note include: a. an affirmation to nipple baring, b. multi-colored knit work, c. layers of ruffle at the peplum’s hem that are unlike a vagina but parlay into a fupa and d. scotch tape. Kidding about D. Yes, this wins Best Collection of LFW, period.
Now, let’s go look at Prada.