Living Pants Free

Pants: who needs ’em?

09.12.12

I distinctly remember receiving emails toward the end of high school and in college that would notify students which teachers planned to conduct their classes in paper-free environments. The phrase always resonated with me. “Paper-free,” it sounded so quirky and the implications/opportunity for good puns were vast. Does the paper in question include that of the seaweed variety? How about rolling? Looking back though, “paper-free” none but pales in comparison to the realities of this Fashion Week where age of the pants-free environment is coming at us and sparing no sympathy for chub rub.

It’s a sort of untapped, unspoken trend that we’re all watching and wondering what to resolve: the anti-disestablishment of outerwear? But what about pockets? Warmth? The masking of hairy thighs? It wouldn’t be fair to neglect the source: in 2011, I paid homage to the Europe-laden runway shows of 2010, see: Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Balenciaga and Dolce & Gabbana, where in a more formal capacity, legs were bared and normal sized women were confused. See the 2013 New York-centric interpretations below.

Hey! Let’s play the free association game: no pants, Beetlejuice, in red, foot straps, comb-overs, 1962. My opinion toward Marc Jacobs is a biased one–he’s one of the few New York designers (more precisely, in fact, as Ingrid Sischy put it on Monday night, “authentic New York kids”) that indefinitely bat for a team that celebrates an offbeat, perverse and often maniacally strong woman. When he says no pants, I say “Uni-K.”

At Theyskens’ Theory, the disregard for uterus covers is consumed differently, perhaps even somewhat more digestible. Sheer sheaths layered with sheer blouses will point to well groomed vaginas and it will not be abrasive. On another note that still circulates around hair: we (or at very least, the Into the Gloss team) will all wear wigs, like the models at this show, to match Olivier Theyskens and his new-do in the coming seasons.

At left, Marc by Marc Jacobs (where Jacobs seemingly took a cue from himself and catered it more keenly to either the Japanese market or a slew of tribal gatherings that point to doo-rag-etry,) knickers are more colorful and come with a scarf around your neck that will supply creative improvisation should your legs get cold. At Diesel Black Gold (right,) the bare midriff is exposed and exploited and a black caged skirt that is actually more of a sarong-with-belt implements a similar layering tactic to that of Theyskens’ and makes the inevitable a bit easier to absorb.

As for me, baby steps. I’ll start with this pair of thick satin shorts, complimented subtly by floral sneakers (the remedy to fashion week running even despite a disposable car, hey Absolut Tune, thanks) and see what happens…I don’t promise you won’t catch me streaking down Wooster again though. Image via NY Mag. Wearing Sally LaPointe shorts, an Altuzarra blouse, Adidas x Opening Ceremony sneakers, Celine purse and bracelets that run the gamut.

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