It’s been a while since I last deliberately chronicled my journey from Man Getter to Man Repeller but, here I am, ready to rock and show you how what is perhaps the sexiest dress to have fallen into my lap can take a cue from the chameleon and transform it. Just kidding, it can’t transform itself. It’s just a garment, it has no heart, or soul, or brain and while it may have arms, they are immobile. I’m the one doing the transforming. Duh! But wait, there’s more. At the end of the transformation, all you freaking flamingos are going to have a chance to win the sexy dress in question so long as your solemnly vow to never wear it without at least five layers over. Let’s begin.
Man Repeller, I don’t even recognize the girl on this computer screen, in Blogger’s manager, staring me in the eye like a crazy person, mouth open, eyebrows up.
sleeveless blouse: Kimberly Taylor
That’s a little better. Cover up those curves with a loose fit blouse unbuttoned. I can get down with that.
chambray blouse: Madewell
And I’m starting to look like myself again. A little chambray is most usually always the perfect remedy to overt sexiness. Cool red toe nails, too. Yeah hell yeah I’m hitting on myself. Someone’s got to do it.
utility vest: Club Monaco
Kissy, kissy. As in, yes sure you can see my legs but it’s 100 degrees and I’m wearing a denim shirt and utility vest. Want to date? Wait a minute, let me ask you again in a moment.
In the final and perhaps most crucial step in this entire transformation, I think I come to reteach an age old saying that states: it’s all in the details. A pearl bib preaches my newest favorite motto: “bibs, not just for babies,” in a way no chunky chain necklace likely could. Aside from that even, every girl needs a pearl necklace, if you know what I’m saying. Raunch city. As for the shoes, sure I could have opted for another unusual shoe but hi, hello, these are snakeskin open toe boots with an unusually large ankle entry. Finally, turban not optional.
Just do it.
Now, for the giveaway portion of this blog post, in cahoots with Canadian boutique Jay et Elle, we’d love to grant all of you flamingos, felines, penguins and sea critters an opportunity to win the black dress pictured at top and have your own fun turning it into a man repeller. The rules are pretty standard:
1b. Likey like them on Facebook
2. Hop on to the Jay et Elle website and choose an additional item to style the dress with. Tell me how many penises you intend to deflate right here in the comments. Leave your e-mail address and twitter handle.
3. Follow me on twitter, too, where I will announce the winner in one week’s time, ergo, next Thursday at 4PM.
4. Lick your own face.
Ready, set, repel that shit.