Holiday Gifitng: The MR Wishlist

Reading Milk & Mode’s gifting guide last week, I remembered something my father taught me when I was but a baby fetus buying my best friend the yellow Power Ranger action figure for her birthday because there was only one pink left at Toys R Us, and that pink was mine. “Man Repeller,” he said, “Don’t give gifts that you yourself wouldn’t want to receive.” It was like a less-biblical inspired proverb driven straight from the Five Books of Moses, or shall I say: Marni.

In any case, because today is my barfday, I figured this week’s installment of Holiday Gifting would take a cue from Narcissus. Behold: an extensive list of things every Man Repeller should ask for this holiday season.

Narcissus comes in here: because I am the model Man Repeller, the transitive property of geometry suggests that this list is in fact a list of things I will ask for, right here and now.

And so, fellow repellows, things that look like vaginas, right this way!
Just kidding.
A little.

1. Hermes Collier de Chien

The mother of all jewels that resemble violent weapons, I give you the Hermes Collier de Chien. Think of it as a chastity bracelet. $1,050 at Hermes.

2. Skeletal X-Ray Thigh Highs

Because when I tell you that I love your bones, I want to mean it. $24.00 at Shop Nasty Gal

…And on an unrelated but equally Bone-y note:
3. Rag & Bone Camouflage Harem Trousers

 We Rag, therefore we don’t Bone. Here’s to fatigue harem pants. $290 at Shopbop.

4. Thakoon Shearling Wedges

Mary had a little lamb, and that lamb fell into the wrong hands. Things that look like unkempt lady bits, rejoice! $788 at La Garconne.

5. Unicorn On A Stick

To evoke the feeling that perhaps some magic happens in the crevices of our thighs, eh?

6. NuvaRing

 Sue me, okay? I’d like to know what it feels like to own a contraceptive not by Alexander Wang. 

7. Fur Throw Pillow

While you can opt for any type of fur, I suggest you go with leopard print. You know, to match your insides. Adrienne Landau throw pillows, at Barneys.

8. Proenza Schouler PS1

I thought about a good way to combine my inherent love for Mexicans and Play Station 1. Proenza Schouler’s PS1 in Mochilla weaving did the trickidy tricktrack. $1825 at Barneys.

9. Tickets to the upcoming Prince concert

It’s the only time it is ever socially acceptable to wear sunglasses in doors, proudly let your face-lift and freak flag fly. 

10. Pencey Cut-out Mini Dress

Because even the most chronic offender needs a little party dress. $436 at Shopbop.
…You can pair it with shoes that look like hamsters, I promise.

And one for good luck:
#11. It’s Time to Invest in a Flannel Blanket
Because that blanket will function as:
A. A Scarf

B. A Poncho

image via Chuck Grant  
Jacket: Veda, Dress: Kimberly Taylor, Shoes: Pierre Hardy for Gap

C. A Skirt

image via Naomi Shon
Jacket: Veda, shoes: YSL
And finally, D. The blanket will most notably function as a Man Repeller, Hipster Propeller.

Happy holidays, ya crazy clogs.
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  • My girlfriend just got the cuff and is obsessed with it. Happy Happy Birthday. I hope all of these gifts come your way!

  • My closet wants to devour the Thankoon wedges and the Pencey dress. Style yums.

  • happy birthday, you beast!

    p.s. i think alex wang might work a little better than the nuvaring.

  • Bizarrely enough, my favorite looks were the blanket inspired ones. I think you are really onto something!

    Happy birthday!

  • I'm so glad you posted a gift guide that had a personal touch. As usual your blog offers a hilarious (and devilish!) break from the others.

    And Happy Birthday!
    I hope it's a good one – Are you done with your finals? Can you celebrate properly??

  • LOL I don't think that 1st one would work as a chastity bracelet because if someone shells out over $1000 on a bracelet for your ass you better be putting out. I would think of it more as a bondage device really. Come on now get a little kinky it's okay.

  • Love the Hermes colliers and the X-Ray tights.
    Happy Birthday!

  • Anonymous

    happy birthday you crazy beee-otch! i wish you all of the above and more, and much success love and happiness in the coming year.

    p.s. where is the unicorn on a stick from? need one of these in my life

  • Loving the blanket as skirt, so cosy and chic! So happy I found you, I used to be a man repeller of note, if a boy said he didn't like an outfit I wore it all the more…Now I am married and take advise from the Mr, why? I am going back to my old ways and the outfit I just wore to a party he said "I don't really like it, it looks like something from a magazine". Yes! I am back and working it, thank you. Happy Birthday. ax

  • The prince photo made me laugh hysterically.

  • Wow, I need a scarf like that. Three birds, one stone. x

  • Happy birthday!!!

  • how coool all these things are! ahh i loved them since our first eye-contact 😀

  • i have been eyeing those skeleton socks for a while now. must buy if the man repeller says they're sure to keep the boys away

    ASOS Necklace Giveaway:

  • Fiona

    Happy clappy non-man-trappy birthday Man Repellaaaaaah!

  • happy birthday girrrrl!

  • pam

    LOL – happy birthday! thanks for being born so you can entertain the world with your man-repelling ways. LOVE THE BLANKET!

  • Anonymous

    you are my heroin

  • i'm loving the blog!

  • Just started reading your blog, and I wore an outfit which was inspired for you today. Your posts are entertaining and educating, keep it up!

  • Omg your blog is an absolute riot! I am now officially a repellow.

    love from NZ x

  • THIS IS SO GREAT!!!! Love the blog and happy berfday!

  • Jac

    Happy Birthday from a Mexican who loves PS1.

  • Am a new fan, and I absolutely adore your blog! <3 You are doing fab so thank you for always posting such great and funny stuff.

  • ray

    here here! raising a glass of bubbly to the #1 shunner!!!

    like how i did that?? yeah me too.

    But really – glad this is getting it's recognition – maybe we'll get less of:

    "that's what you're wearing??"

    and more of "yeah, i think it needs more leopard"


  • ray

    and blanket skirt is fuckin genius and actually looks cute as shit. not too repelly in that one gurrrrrrrl

  • Anonymous

    I just brought a picture of that dress to model a bridesmaid dress I need made….damn, won't get laid at that wedding, not even as the ultra-desperate, ultra-willing, drunk bridesmaid i will be

  • amazing girl! Read the article about you, and I must say: You are one talented lady! Love your blog!

    Love Iben

  • Ahah, the pillows are so cute!! And, btw, every time I see there's a new post on your blog I'm so excited to read it, you really make me laugh! I totally love your blog <3

  • Happy belated birthday! The nuva ring made me laugh so hard!! I would get that for you but unfortunately you need a prescription for that!

    <3 Sarah

  • "Sue me, okay? I'd like to know what it feels like to own a contraceptive not by Alexander Wang." God you're brilliant. I also love the Pencey dress and flannel blanket!

  • Anonymous

    Happy Belated BARF DAY! I can't afford to get you a Mexican PS1, so instead I'll steal an old french man's ancient book bag from the early 1300's (aka my lovely, lovely french teacher's "sacoche", which looks exactly like the PS1) and stick fajitas and tacos on it. I think that sounds Mexican enough, and plus you'll never go hungry AND it will repel like no other.

    Could you please post your address so I can send it? You know you want it…

  • Hayley

    Is this you?

    The mr. peanut pose and complete lack of lady bits is strikingly suspicious.

  • 'Man Repeller, Hipster Propeller'

    that's the best phrase i've heard all day!

  • and I'm proud to say i own a pair of red-soled, spikey-ass shoes that most DEFINITELY resemble violent weapons.

  • Great pictures, we like 🙂
    London Escort

  • So I do not like open-toed booties…but those are sooo cute. and from Gap?!?! Damn I wish I'd seen those before, I can't find them on Ebay in my size. 🙁 And I love those skeleton socks! Cute!