Ode to Fall Leggings

Fall is coming. Under regular circumstances, this would undoubtedly depress the shoulder pads out of me but because fall means cold weather and cold weather means layers and layers include tights, I say heck yea chunky knits, come to mama. Before the chunky knits come to mama though, I’d like to pay tribute to some Krazy with a K tights that will look so fantastic under my high waisted denim cut offs, you won’t know whether to call me a Man Repeller or fancy flamingo, lady of the night. I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again: who needs companionship when you can have…CUT-OFFS!

Exhibit A is a selection of tights by Blue Tree. They have a store on Madison Avenue. Rent is high, but that doesn’t matter because…

THESE BABIES ARE SELLING LIKE HOT CAKES! Use your brain, who wouldn’t pay Wolford prices to prance around in multi-colored tights that include little embellishments–some that resemble little insects, other that resemble eyeballs. And if that’s not enough, consider their tag line:

Ants. Gun. Cyclops. Veins.

Feeling down on yourself? Let your shins express it for you.

Stepping away from the cyclops and veins for a moment, Exhibit B is a pair of knit leggings best described as Silent Tree Knit Pants, available at Shopbop.

The zebra can try and try and try (and try) to change her stripes, but she will always be a Zeebs. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? She must be wearing camelflage, to conceal her FUPA’s identity.

And finally, Exhibit C:

This could have been Michael Jackson, but instead it was Balenciaga S/S 2007. You may say metal pant, but I say serious cock block. And you know what that means, here comes the MANtra: cock blockers don’t become cock rockers.

Contact: ManRepeller@gmail.com, Tweetertwatter: @ManRepeller

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