Because we love you guys, here’s a little pick me up to get you through the humpiest of days. We’ve brainstormed ten things to do — some useful, some weird — on your final summer Friday which is juuust on the horizon.
So whether you have the day off, a half day, or a full twelve hour stretch of sitting in the office and trying to imagine sunlight, we want you have the best last summer Friday ever. Here’s how:
1) Use your outdoor voice indoors. This is fun in a variety of situations.
– If you’re in a share house, it will wake everyone up and force someone to get coffee and bagels with you. Blame it on a blocked eardrum so no one gets mad.
– If you’re in an office, talking loudly will incur excitement and a sense of weekend in others. If you’re really good at outdoor voice, it might even encourage your boss to let you go home early so that she doesn’t have to hear you anymore. Blame it on a blocked eardrum so no one gets mad.
– If you’re completely alone, it just feels good to talk really REALLY LOUDLY to yourself. Give a soliloquy! You’ll feel very accomplished afterwards.
2) Finally learn the “Cups” routine.
You said you were going to do this ALL summer! Learn it now so you can stop a game of beer pong this weekend to show everyone your new skill. They’ll be a little annoyed at first because, you know, they were in the middle of something, but then they’ll be impressed. WARNING: white jeans are now okay after Labor Day, but performing “Cups” will not be. Everyone will be over it. This weekend is your only chance.
3) Loiter around the Big Gay Ice Cream Shop and should “GIVE ME A SALTY PIMP!”
This will confuse and entertain the tourists outside. It’s also a name of one of the Big Gay Ice Cream flavors.
4) Donald Duck the shit out of your afternoon walk.
For the uninitiated, this means walk around sans-pants. This works best if you are not in the office.
4a) Wear a bikini on your morning run – why? Because you can. That will, however, be near impossible once the temperatures drop, though. Seize the city by it’s heated grids!
4b) Take a morning run
5) Talk to strangers
You might make some new friends. Look for strangers already using smartphones as this is a good sign they won’t try to steal yours. They are strangers, after all.
6) Hail cabs just for the hell of it because they’ll be around.
It’s like collecting fireflies in a jar for the urban set!
7) Go to the movies and use the theater as your living room.
Theaters will be empty so take advantage of prime seats and no lines. Prop your feet up. Wear a bathrobe. And sneak in all the outside food and drink you want. YOLO.
8) And use your actual living room as the beach.
Sand can be hard to find in urban areas, so we suggest buying packages of kitty litter and dumping them on the floor. Inflate a kiddy pool on top of the scented blue sand and fill with water. Now you have an ocean and all you need are some fish. Pet stores sell feeder fish for like, 5 cents, which is great if you want to be economical about this whole thing. Hire a lifeguard if you’re worried about safety. Don your bathing suit and let the hot-dog-leg selfies commence.
9) Start happy hour at breakfast
This one is NSFW, but if you’re on vacation there’s no reason why you can’t start your morning with a Bloody Mary or five.
10) TURN. OFF. THE INTERNET.
Except for Man Repeller. We’re your family, not the internet!
– Team MR