Where Will You Take Your Palcohol?

by Leandra Medine
April 22, 2014
READ NEXT

Screen Shot 2014-04-22 at 12.04.22 PM

Guess what? A new form of alcoholic substance has been approved by whoever approves judgement-impairing consumables and it is called Palcohol — ostensibly to enmesh the title of the substance used (powder) and the word alcohol.

The powder was created by a man named Mark Phillips who seemingly refers to himself in the third person as “An active guy…hiking, biking, camping, kayaking, etc. After hours of an activity, he sometimes wanted to relax and enjoy a refreshing adult beverage. But those activities, and many others, don’t lend themselves to lugging heavy bottles of wine, beer or spirits. The only liquid he wanted to carry was water.”

It seems vaguely antithetical that the dry alcohol might appeal exclusively to sports enthusiasts so the website points out as well that “[Palcohol is] not just for the sportsperson. Palcohol can be transported in your luggage without the fear of bottles breaking. In any situation where weight and breakage is an issue, Palcohol provides the answer. That’s why we say, ‘Take your Pal wherever you go!'”

There are a couple additional benefits (or impairments, depending on your viewpoint) to consider regarding the powder form of alcohol. As Amelia pointed out, now astronauts can get loose in space. Alternatively and depending on color (which has not yet been released) it can also be confused for either an Airborne powder stick (good!) or cocaine (bad!).

A single packet of the powder contains the equivalent of one, 80-calorie shot of alcohol and is currently set to release in four flavors called “Powderita” (which is supposed to taste like a margherita), “Mojito” (muy original), “Lemon Drop” (TBDetailed), and “Cosmopolitan” (or as I like to call it, The Artist Previously Known as Sex and The City).

Of course, the inevitable question remains, and it is not, “but will you snort it?” Rather, where will you take your Palcohol?

Charlotte would take it on baby-sitting jobs (not sure for who, scared to ask), Amelia would mix it with glitter and then blow it at people to settle once and for all that she is The Inebriation Fairy as opposed to The Drink Bully, while I’m thinking of lining all my furniture with it as soon as it becomes available just so when people sit down in my apartment I can remark with conviction, in spite of the nonsensical grammatical cues, that my guests are “drunk off their asses.”

You’re up.

-Leandra Medine

REPLIES
  • http://adeliberateimagination.wordpress.com/ CJKEYS2

    I would probably put it in my shampoo to give my hair more volume. I can be a pretty loud drunk, so maybe my hair will be too. See what I did there?

  • http://instagram.com/gabranimal Gabrielle

    if only it was DIET

  • tonikali

    I’d put in in between an open book and lick it whilst reading :3

  • http://thoughtsofglam.com/ ThoughtsofGlam

    Only a matter of time before people start snorting this.

    http://www.thoughtsofglam.com

  • Smith Dora

    Hello people on this forum or website , Am just an over exerting person today for what this great man call DR ONIHA of onihaspiritualtemple@yahoo.com has just done in my marital life .and i will like you on this forum to help me in thanking he because for the past two years my husband has been cheating on me with a lady and this has course the family a lot of problems and our baby Evonne where the one perpetual taking the pain because at this time my husband don’t normally come home to ask after the child or care to provide what the child needed so with all this problems i was not happy in my marriage and i started going for different kind of marriage cancelling and looking for solution every where not until this faithful day when i was browsing on the internet i saw a testimony shared by miss Lewis Cheney USA about this DR ONIHA and i as-lo contacted he for help and that was how he gave me some instructions and and i followed what ever he told me and i was surprise when he said to me go my child for all will be fine in 12 hours .and within the 12 hours i actually received a call from my husband who has not called me for some months now asking after the child and i . and that was how was the end of my marriage problems . so this is why i promise to testify to the whole world about this man DR ONIHA and if any is also depress with such problems contact he :onihaspiritualtemple@yahoo.com and you will also find success

    ..

  • Emma G

    I hate to be ‘that girl’ but it’s been disapproved, i read about it yesterday or the day before but this is the only article i could find
    http://www.alligator.org/news/local/article_e590d4e8-caa3-11e3-aff1-001a4bcf887a.html

  • Jmw

    All I could think of was the candy, Fun dip. So in my drunken world, I am dipping my fun stick into the powder. Halloween at my house, could be kind of awesome.