Where Will You Take Your Palcohol?
Guess what? A new form of alcoholic substance has been approved by whoever approves judgement-impairing consumables and it is called Palcohol — ostensibly to enmesh the title of the substance used (powder) and the word alcohol.
The powder was created by a man named Mark Phillips who seemingly refers to himself in the third person as “An active guy…hiking, biking, camping, kayaking, etc. After hours of an activity, he sometimes wanted to relax and enjoy a refreshing adult beverage. But those activities, and many others, don’t lend themselves to lugging heavy bottles of wine, beer or spirits. The only liquid he wanted to carry was water.”
It seems vaguely antithetical that the dry alcohol might appeal exclusively to sports enthusiasts so the website points out as well that “[Palcohol is] not just for the sportsperson. Palcohol can be transported in your luggage without the fear of bottles breaking. In any situation where weight and breakage is an issue, Palcohol provides the answer. That’s why we say, ‘Take your Pal wherever you go!’”
There are a couple additional benefits (or impairments, depending on your viewpoint) to consider regarding the powder form of alcohol. As Amelia pointed out, now astronauts can get loose in space. Alternatively and depending on color (which has not yet been released) it can also be confused for either an Airborne powder stick (good!) or cocaine (bad!).
A single packet of the powder contains the equivalent of one, 80-calorie shot of alcohol and is currently set to release in four flavors called “Powderita” (which is supposed to taste like a margherita), “Mojito” (muy original), “Lemon Drop” (TBDetailed), and “Cosmopolitan” (or as I like to call it, The Artist Previously Known as Sex and The City).
Of course, the inevitable question remains, and it is not, “but will you snort it?” Rather, where will you take your Palcohol?
Charlotte would take it on baby-sitting jobs (not sure for who, scared to ask), Amelia would mix it with glitter and then blow it at people to settle once and for all that she is The Inebriation Fairy as opposed to The Drink Bully, while I’m thinking of lining all my furniture with it as soon as it becomes available just so when people sit down in my apartment I can remark with conviction, in spite of the nonsensical grammatical cues, that my guests are “drunk off their asses.”