I’m not all that into astrology. I can barely remember my own sign let alone my rising moon or what have you, and any time someone says something like, “I broke up with him because he was a Gemini,” it makes me want to respond, “I left this conversation because you said Gemini.”
The fashion world, however, is obsessed with it. And as goes the tune of our brand-focused industry, there’s one name we trust as if she were the human version of a Kelly bag: Susan Miller.
Now, I’m not sure if you’ve looked at a calendar yet or have a dad who texts you what day of the week it is along with the current weather, but it’s November 1st and that means Susan Miller time. So along with our bagels and coffee and computers, team Man Repeller sat around and checked out our horoscopes. (I would just like to say I was forced to do so against my will.)
There were exclamations around the table of things like, “Jupiter’s moon is eclipsing my Sagittarius sun!” “Venus will be in Capricorn and is gonna amp up my charms.” “Merlin’s beard is blowing in my wind!”
I never know what these things mean. Even when Susan Miller tells me what they mean, I still don’t get it. For example, she wrote, “Saturn will be conjunct the eclipse of November 2,” and my brain fell out. She then quickly clarified, “Which only means you will be in a serious, thoughtful mode, and if you make a decision, you will stick to it – good!” My brain remained on the floor.
But I kept reading. I couldn’t stop. A few more moons and suns and eclipses in, I was fully entranced by Susan Miller’s loopy predictions. Now I think she’s my best friend.
“Alternatively,” wrote Susan, “I also feel that this full moon” — Uh oh, what moon?? SUSAN WHAT MOON? — “may bring a quick trip to a not-too-distant city thanks to the interplay of Mars and Jupiter on November 18, a red-letter day.” — Wait, I don’t know what a red-letter day is. No matter, carry on Suz. — “This aspect is a wonderful one and will be spreading pixie dust over the preceding weekend November 16-17 too as it comes to peak.” Pixie dust?? I love this lady.
Now I’ve gone back into the year’s archives and read everything she’s written about my sign. Basically nothing makes sense or fits in with my real life — or if it does it’s because I really stretched her words. But I don’t care. It’s too fun. I’m hooked, and so is my rising sun and my eclipsing moon.
But about you? Are you into astrology? Are you an Astrology Zone fanatic? Do you believe it or just have fun with it? Read yours here and tell me what your month looks like. Hopefully you’re about to get rich and fall in love or something good like that.
And not to brag, but on November 12, The Sun and Jupiter will collaborate and shower me in golden vibrations. Whatever that means.
Rabbit rabbit, mothafuckaz.
— Amelia Diamond