What’s Your Freakum Dress?
People love cute things. BuzzFeed wouldn’t exist without cute. But as a woman in my early twenties I’d prefer, for once, to be labelled with an adjective other than the one which is most commonly tethered to babies and sloths.
I get carded at the ticket booth of R-rated movies. At the grocery store, while buying a bottle of wine, I’ve received the same response at every register that checks my ID: “I thought you were 12!” While leaving my apartment the other day, a construction worker asked if my mom was home because he needed access to the building. I told him I don’t live with my parents.
This doesn’t even broach sartorial troubles.
When Kendall Jenner wore that pelvic-slit dress back in June, it ignited a thought process of both “DAMN” and “I could never pull that off.” I know I’m a grown woman who can wear what she wants. But when people are still squeezing your cheeks into your early twenties, wearing a dress with any kind of sex appeal makes you look like a toddler in a tiara after one helluva night.
I don’t have a personal desire to wear anything bandage or bodycon. I enjoy food too much and have a phobia of Spanx. But a certain icon once told me that every woman has a freakum dress, and I’m just trying to find mine.
What Beyoncé failed to divulge was that not every woman’s freakum dress looks the same. Maybe it’s not even a dress. Maybe it’s a pantsuit. Or a swimsuit. Or your birthday suit! Or sweatpants.
It doesn’t really matter because, ultimately, you look sexiest in what makes you feel sexy. I think Barney said that. Or he would if he worked in fashion and not as a singing dinosaur.
I cannot imagine myself wearing what society has deemed sexy. On any given day, I am more of a kitten than a Megan Fox. But perhaps it’s okay that I don’t have that same sex appeal. The difference is that for me, I feel confident in my favorite pair of jeans with a slouchy T-shirt, mules and a red lip instead of going commando with a pelvic high slit à la Kendall Jenner.
But to each their own.
And to each their sloth.
Now show us your freakum dress. (Or at least tell us about it.)