I get really pressured into buying stuff I don’t need at all — not by any stretch of the imagination — when I’m a. at sample sales, b. sitting at my computer on Cyber Monday talking about how stupid Cyber Monday is.
Why? I’m not sure, but I have come up with a few conjectures. On the one hand, I think I get so caught up in striking gold so to speak that sometimes that gold comes at the expense of my actual taste. Haven’t you ever walked into a room to find women running around, hangers upon hangers slung over their shoulders, frantically grabbing at whatever their claws can draw? Haven’t you ever felt like you were missing something if you weren’t engaged in the same exact exercise?
Fine. Well, I have. And what has transpired has historically been a purchase that seemed spectacular while in the confines of a brand’s sample sale quarters, but the minute I walk out and have been re-immersed in society I realize the thing I bought is just that: a stupid fucking thing.
Sometimes this happens during layman sales too. No insane slashes or uncivil women running like a headless flock of near-dead chicken necessary. I’ll just see a pair of boots that kind of caught my eye for a mere moment when they were still full price, at which point I decided they were simply too expensive, but then lo and behold, there they are, languishing at 50% off. So I buy them. Because I recognize them. And then when I get home I think to myself, There’s a reason I only gave these a glance when they were still full price.
What has to have been my worst purchase of all time, hands down, was this black Isabel Marant shirt that featured black beading and shredded fabric cascading down the front. When I put it on (which I have done upward of 75 times) I look like the love child of a flamboyant lawyer who took the firm’s casual Friday way too seriously and a breast feeding gorilla. But how many times have I actually worn it? Zero. There’s a very big difference between putting something on and wearing it, and I’m calling that distinction now.
I know what you’re thinking: the top sounds magical. But frankly, it’s not.
I think I’m most annoyed because I used a fairly sizable Net-A-Porter credit to purchase that top back when I did. It was 70% off and therefore heavily reduced from its initial $2,000 price tag to something much closer to $600 which is still so, so much. And to have used a gift card, a get-out-of-jail free-and-look-fucking-great-while-doing-it card in order to facilitate the dust collector, still breaks my heart.
You know what? I’m going to make that shirt work. I’ll report back in t-minus 20 (hours? Days? Months? TBD). Until then, you tell me, what is the worst thing that you have ever purchased?