What’s The Last Thing You Googled?

by Leandra Medine
November 4, 2013
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It is always embarrassing when I am asked to look something up on Instagram. Why? Because the saved searches on my discover page are forced to collapse on hover. This comes much to the inquirer’s amusement. Hashtags like #refrigerator (I’m telling you, try it), #coachella (this is how I figured out whether I would wear a little dress or shorts), #manrepeller (you bought my book? Thank you. Thank you very much, Miss Lippy), and #rheumatoidarthritis (I just want to see what it looks like) infiltrate the page.

And when I have to share that with some plebe, I feel exposed. Like someone cracked me open, saw into me, laughed and left. It’s a grin-n-run, which is the worst kind of [insert single syllable verb]-n-run in my opinion. And I shouldn’t be expected to explain the intricacies of my mental objects, anyway. I think things, I search them. It’s between myself and me. Break.

The thing is, Instagram searching happens almost exclusively from my mobile device, where I am really only spending a small portion of my day using head space for the sake of discovery. On my computer, where the searching underscored by Google works like Buzz Lightyear — to infinity and beyond! — the real, creepy nuances of what goes on behind the curtains can really shine like, yes, an eighteen-eyed circus freak.

And though I have often argued that the former search bar is more private than my underwear drawer (namely because I refuse to wear thongs and prefer my under garments formulated in white cotton), what is privacy when considering this époque of over-sharing, anyway?

So, let’s unpack my privacy, shall we?

Unfortunately for the both of us, the last time I used Google for direction was this morning when news broke of Nicolas Ghesquière’s new position at Louis Vuitton. Before that, I asked my trusty encyclopedia of a digital page whether or not a sore throat could be a symptom of a rare form of terminal illness and if so, which one. Additional saved searches include a video of a sad clown singing Lorde’s “Royals.” I also just searched “cute little small nuts that people put in salads” hoping it would give me the name I was looking for. I’ll have you know it did and the name is pine nuts.

In the interest of that which is fair, I do believe it’s your turn, so: what’s the last thing you searched for on Google?

-Leandra Medine

REPLIES
  • Merily

    My Google history’s highlight would probably be “Courtney Stodden no makeup”, which of course lead to “-insert a celebrity name- no makeup”. Not proud.

  • brunetteletters

    lol!!!!!!! this happens to me all the time!!! when I search on Instagram and the person next to me realizes who I recently ‘stalked’ or my embarrassing google searches haha…great post! I am nooot alone :)
    http://brunettelettersblog.blogspot.com/

  • Grace

    Pogonphile… I have a thing for beards. Who knew there was a word for it?!

  • Annemari Savolainen

    I googled “your hair looks sexy pushed back” after learning that the guy who played Aaron Samuels in Mean Girls is now a spinn class instructor in LA. I wonder if his hair still looks sexy pushed back after 60 minute spin class.

    • Ashley Truett

      And this post of course had me googling Aaron Samuels…And yes, ABC News reports on his current position as spin class instructor :)

  • Amelia Diamond

    “What is the name of that movie where Jason Schwartzman makes a hair doll and Devon Sawa is hot?”

    (The answer was Slackers, Google is magic.)

  • http://www.stylefile.in/ Dayle Pereira

    My last search was ‘Heidi Klum inside out human body halloween costume’ because I was so intrigued at how it was put together to see the steps of it :D
    http://www.stylefile.in

  • Carrie

    Looking for art inspiration, I googled “Iridescent Insects”. What can I say I like shiny things…

  • The Knitter. . .

    When your 18 year old daughter’s boyfriend realizes you’ve been stalking him on twitter because you accidentally favorite one of his tweets. . . Worst thing ever.

  • Brie

    i have googled some very weird, very not-normal things that i think i will, mostly, keep to myself. although, did you know there are women who have sex with dogs? (i have a very good reason for this search and it’s called seeing something completely barbaric and being curious about this being a global type thing. it is.) and that your poop being green is normal for a day or two (b/c of something you ate with “coloring” in it, such as blue or green walmart cupcakes) but if it lasts a week you should see a doctor? anyone looking through my google history would have obvious questions to ask but the only answer would be “i’m fucking curious man!” and then followed by a “don’t you judge me”.

  • Allie

    When you said “cute little small nuts that people put in salads,” I knew immediately you were talking about pine nuts. Consider it a completely justified search item.

  • Paola

    Last thing I googled was (in an incognito window of course because I felt too embarrassed) “smelly yellow hard mucus” just to find out two things: 1) I have tonsil stones and I am not dying. 2) The incognito window wasn’t necessary since tonsil stones are very common among people. Thank you Google a lot.
    Ps: actually that incognito windows was very necessary, I just cant imagine my boyfriend finding that very weird search

  • http://www.corneliablom.com/ Cornelia Blom

    I had a date over and as I was typing on google “itching vagina” came up… Yeah.

    • Charlotte Fassler

      One time I was meeting up with a guy and felt kind of nauseous. I googled “Does Whisky help digestion” on the way down not expecting him to slyly take my phone at the bar to attempt to type a secret message to me.
      However he stumbled upon my google search history which included a whole lot of embarrassing shit and then lead to a table discussion about if whisky helps digestion or not.

  • stephjeeeuh

    How to do my eyebrows :)

  • grace kane

    Why not just delete your search history?

  • Mariana Dómine

    Portia de Rossi face.

  • Andrew

    “Models falling on the runway”. It’s what I watch when I’m feeling insecure.

  • Leslie Hitchcock
  • http://www.downtownhautefashion.blogspot.com/ Leslie

    I hate when someone asks to use my phone and uses Google. Lol.. My Google Search history is a little embarrassing… Oops

    http://downtownhautefashion.blogspot.com

  • Hereshoping Themayanswereright

    Last thing I googled was “Coconut Secret bars discount”. I am so starving for one and nothing else satisfies my cravings so I was looking to stock up.

  • Megan Lane

    Last night I found myself deep within a Korean-beauty-queen-before-and-after-plastic-surgery Google image searching hole, interrupted only by YouTube videos of similar subject.

    http://www.whateven.net

  • http://jessjoycej.wordpress.com/ Jessica Joyce

    I’m glad that I’ve discovered how to erase Instagram hashtag search history. Even though no one barely makes it through my phone and into Instagram, I still feel self-conscious. Ugh, WHY?! But when it comes to Google search, I’ve learned to not hide my shame. My last Google search, no joke: “What are bangerz”

    Your Friend, Jess

  • Ashley Truett

    Sadly mine was Dancing with the Stars because my momma just called me desperate to remember who was sent home last week before this new week’s episode began. I, who do not watch the show, had to google it. Now if someone saw my google history they would just assume I’m a Dancing enthusiast because I am asked to perform this search for my mother at least a couple times a month. The funny thing about this week’s search is I could hear my dad in the background yelling “It’s the girl from that movie, she was the head cheerleader, you know in that movie!” And I did know that movie… Man of the House (not the beloved JTT version but the TLJ one, one of my dad’s favorites)

  • pa1ge

    “Walmart Turtleneck” was mine. For shame.
    Paige One

  • PR

    Maroon 5

  • Alejandra

    “Bedbugs”…. Thanks a lot New York City.

  • MK

    why I’m peeing more than 4 times a night!

  • http://alcessa.wordpress.com/ alcessa

    Bacon. I had to translate the word but had forgotten what it was …

  • aw

    “movies about patti smith” is mine…

  • Selena Aponte

    who shot JFK, don’t ask me why

  • Alicia

    Is wax paper parchment paper? What is a jellyroll pan? How to make powdered sugar? All these things were actually “googled” in one night. I generally spend half of my time searching the Internet for answers when I’m in the kitchen.

  • Tamara

    The phone number for the River Palm restaurant in edgewater New Jersey.

  • Polly Daszkiewicz

    “How to take a screen shot on a Mac” because I recently converted from windows and get a little lost sometimes.

    It could have been so much worse than that though.

    http://www.polway.eu

  • erin g

    Major LOL at “cute little small nuts that people put up in salads”

  • viirginiaa

    While looking up one hit wonders, I was like “WHAT HAPPENED to Ja Rule!?” So, I googled “What happened to rapper Ja Rule?” pretty interesting stuff.

  • Becca Barton

    “Should coffee beans be magnetic?” Google returned no relevant results, so I can only assume that means no, they shouldn’t, and my coffee beans are anomalies. Cue the google search for “side effects or medical condition from drinking magnetic coffee beans.”
    Seriously, though, where are we supposed to turn when Google fails us?

    http://www.themirrorshot.wordpress.com

  • Madame Amrose

    Haha, ready for some serious nerdism? I was looking up “Fallout New Vegas Elite Ranger”. I made friends with a woman who makes and sells custom-painted shoes, and she’s making me an exclusive Fallout-Inspired pair, so I was pulling up a picture to share with her!

  • http://www.getmadcute.com/ MADCUTE

    Street Fsn

  • Amy

    what side is the appendix on- my roommate always thinks she’s dying

  • Sara

    “How to address a manila envelope,” looks like the social media and tech age left pre-adult adolescents in the dark. Embarassing, yes.

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