What Was Your Most Awkward Moment?

January 10, 2014

awkwardle21eme

A guy friend of mine — let’s call him Falcon, he’ll love that — claims he’s almost completely immune to the feeling of awkwardness. I can attest to this because I’ve seen him in some pret-ty weird situations; the dude just rides it out, chill as a cold one straight from his mini fridge.

But I said almost completely immune. There’s one documented account of Falcon feeling awkward, and it’s my favorite story in the history of embarrassing stories:

Falcon and friends used to host a lot of parties in college. Sometimes they hosted them on purpose, sometimes accidentally. One Friday, Falcon accidentally hosted after-hours the night before everyone left for winter break. Come Saturday morning, Falcon’s roommates left for home quite early and our man of the hour was left with a very dirty, albeit quiet and peaceful, apartment.

For whatever reason he wasn’t leaving until later that evening, so Falcon had a leisurely day of doing absolutely whatever he wanted in a home that was very much clothing optional. Around 1 PM he grew restless and bored, which is precisely when the idea to imitate dinosaur noises popped into our hero’s head.

So there Falcon sat, splayed on his couch like a proud ruler of his prehistoric kingdom, shouting various dinosaur noises with abandon, indoor voice and caution of any sort just thrown to the wind. He was a man of no boundaries, no roommates to ask him to keep it down and no girlfriend to ask what the fuck he was doing.

He experimented with the pitch and range of various dinosaurs. He tried the popular Velociraptor scream, the T-rex roar, the Pterodactyl squawk and Triceratops growl — just really letting his vocal chords and imagination have a field day when suddenly, he felt it: that awful suspicion that someone is watching you.

Falcon looked up slowly, mid-snarl of a long-necked dino (or whatever breed Little Foot from The Land Before Time was) and someone, indeed, was watching him.

Two very wide-eyed and alarmed Sophomores were watching him, to be exact, with their heads cocked and mouths agape at what exactly it was they had just witnessed. One of the two girls had left her North Face there the night before and they’d stopped by to retrieve it. Falcon never met them in his life and worst of all, he had no idea how long they’d been standing there.

“Awful,” he said while shaking his head. “It’s the only time I’ve ever felt awkward, and it was awful.”

But it’s also hilarious.

I bet you guys have even better stories though, so go head, write them down in your personal diary of this here Cogitation station and tell us: what was your most awkward moment?

Image via Le 21ème

  • Nicole Underwood

    LOLOLOL! I I have MANY embaressaing stories…but I’m not sharing them here!! ;)

  • http://www.productdoll.com/ Bobbi Whitney

    omigosh! That story is amazing!! hahaha!!! I wish I had a friend who would do that, and I really wish that your friend’s real name was Falcon.
    x
    Bobbi

    http://www.productdoll.com

    • Amelia Diamond

      So does he

  • Karen

    I laughed out loud. Thank you for making me day. Do not understand what was going through his head, but oh well.

  • http://adeliberateimagination.wordpress.com/ CDJ

    I MEAN whose dad out there hasn’t pulled their used tampon out of their dogs mouth?

  • Dimitra

    One day I was walking on a busy busy street, when I remembered that I’d left my cell at home. So, being me, I did a sudden U-turn and I swear to God, I have no idea how it happened, but I found my self holding the penis of a random man *facepalm* I practically died!

    • Amelia Diamond

      hahahahahahahahahahahahah

    • Anya

      Don’t feel too bad, my boyfriend did this a few days ago in a busy shopping centre. In his words he “fully cupped ” this guys package as he walked past… A week on and I still find it hilarious!

      • Dimitra

        hahahah good to know I’m not the only one :D

  • Nikita Prosser

    HAHAHAHA! i love this, made my morning!

  • microsize

    I had a huge crush on a close friend for yeeeeears before we finally ended up dating. It was full of awkward and embarrassing scenes, but the one that bugged me for months was like this: we went out drinking one night and he was dropping me off at my house afterward. He had absolutely no interest in me at that point but I went to kiss him on the cheek anyway. I get there, my mouth nearly touches his face, and he turns his head at the last moment. I banged my head off of his and knocked his glasses off onto the floor, made an “Agh!” noise and quickly let myself out of the car and ran to my door. We didn’t talk for a few weeks after that. Oh well, it’s all good now.

  • Nophone

    After drinking the night away at a summer wedding I decided it would be a prime opportunity to text this dude and try to make a booty-call happen.
    I showed up at his apartment in formal attire and proceeded to make a b-line for the bathroom to freshen up. While doing so I dropped my iPhone in the toilet. I reached in and grabbed it, but it was a goner.
    Upon exiting the bathroom, not feeling super hot, tears began welling in my eyes. This poor dude thought he was going to have a night of fun and instead he was consoling this inebriated girl who dropped her phone in his toilet.

    Let’s just say we never hooked up again.

  • Mary

    One Friday morning during my Junior year of college I woke with a horrible fever. Luckily for me I had no classes that day. I made the decision to get out of the small box I lived in (typically referred to as a dorm) and hopped the 1 train to Penn Station. I had felt pretty horrible the whole ride there, but functional. As I was standing in line to get my ticket all the sudden I started to feel incredibly light headed (uh oh). The next thing I know I was on the floor surrounded by strangers asking me if I was okay. Yes, I had passed out in line at Penn Station. This was not the embarrassing part though.. It was being wheel chaired around then picked up in said wheel chair and put on the escalator to be checked out by a paramedic. Overall just a really mortifying situation.

  • Alix

    I was on holidays with my husband, feeling tired but still couldnt resist to enter in a shoestore. Then, seing nothing of my interest, i decide to leave and let my husband know we are leaving by a small slap in his butt. As he wasnt moving i slapped him again in the butt, and again. Still not moving.
    That is the moment when I decided to look at him to check what was happening and I realised i was slapping the butt of another men…. His wife was eye-killing me and my husband loughting out loud… I left the store almost running and looking at my foot :)

  • Hereshoping Themayanswereright

    Back when I partied alot, I mistook the men’s bathroom for the ladies,at a popular club. In my tunnel vision, walked all the way inside without noticing the obvious surroundings and proceeded to shout at the guys in there, “Hey this is the LADIES room get the F*ck OUT!” Someone shouted back, “NO this is the MEN’S room YOU get the F*ck out!” As his words were registering amongst widespread laughter, I began to look around and saw all the urinals lined up, as a guy got in my face and very smarmily offered, “OR….you could staaay….if you that’s what you want.” big mocking grin. Even in my blurry eyed state I was able to recognize what an ass I’d made of myself and put my highly embarrassed tail between my legs and slunk back to my friends, who of course thought it was hilarious.

  • Quinn Halman

    Sometimes the really intimidating head of the upper school comes into class to monitor the teachers. His name won’t be disclosed, but know that among students, he is The Hammer. Anyways, he was sitting in on my global issues class, he left at one point and we all breathed a sigh of relief. Then, one kid’s cellphone rang and I said “good thing The Hammer isn’t here”, I was confused why people were shaking their heads instead of laughing because everything I say is golden. I turn around, and guess who very silently came back into the room? The Hammer, of course! I turned as red as a beet, and you could say Yoncé sneezed on it, because I felt so sick. I tried to play it off like “hey, wow, you were so quiet, what a skill!”. I think that just made the whole situation worse, well, that or me then faking a Russian accent the next day, trying to pretend I was an exchange student.

  • mfashionfreak

    hahahahhaha that was amazing! hahahahah!

  • Hannah

    That is amazing!Mine seems a little tame compared….
    So one time when I was camping, it was dark and me and a friend were headed for the loo’s in our PJ’s. Somehow I tripped, and fell, then a bloke who was walking behind me fell on top. People were startled by the shouting and shone torches, and the worst bit was, that as our legs tangled, his trousers fell to his ankles! Ok this may have been more embarrassing for him, but I was pretty mortified too.

  • Amélie J.

    lol!!!!! I have so so many stories that, well… I’m not going to write them down.

    http://perfectlittledaisy.blogspot.com
    http://perfectlittledaisy.blogspot.com

  • Firefly

    hahahaah great story :) I have few as well, but they’re just too embarassing

  • http://alcessa.wordpress.com/ alcessa

    I sometimes pretend to be a Wifezilla, to make my husband laugh even more (he being busy laughing at my clumsiness regularly). So I often use very strong expressions I would not use in my normal mode of being (because I am just not into verbal relief too much), my recent speciality being a loud Gottverdammt! (Goddammit!) I have heard in all those German Dexter audio books so often.
    Anyway, on Sunday right after Xmas we were visiting an old Germany city named Worms and chatting happily about this and that and then I put my Wifezilla show on and swore Gottverdammt! loudly and produly, only to realize we were standing in front of St. Peter’s cathedral and the onlookers were not amused … well, we didn’t laugh right then.

  • Shannon

    Picture this: You’re in your 6th grade reading class where everyone is sitting and quietly reading their books. Some students are sitting in their desks while others are sitting on the floor. You gaze up from reading to see the hottest boy/your boy crush from your grade sitting right across from you. It is so quiet that you could hear a paper clip drop on carpet. You start feeling an urge to sneeze while simultaneously feeling an urge to fart. You’re trying so hard to fight it from happening, but you just can’t fight it anymore and all of a sudden, you sneeze and fart at the same time…loudly.

    Yes, I snarted during a reading class and everyone started laughing. I kept starring at my book acting like I was reading, knowing that my crush was pointing his finger and laughing at me.

    http://www.highwaistedblog.com