What Do You Look Like Today?

by Amelia Diamond
July 23, 2014
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steve-heitt-for-vogue-italia-february-1999

It’s easy to describe outfits in terms of gross generalities. For example, I could quite easily tell you that I am wearing a skirt, shirt, and shoes.

Whoa I’m so sorry, did you just fall off your chair from a boredom coma? My b.

Let’s shake it up with some colors and adjectives, in that case. I am wearing a black silk sarong-as-skirt (dangerously! Because what if it falls off!) with fringy tassels and gold flecks sewn into the fabric. It ties at the waist with a black leather chord – also tasseled. And I’m wearing a black cotton tank top with a high neck and a low back and on my feet, a pair of mandals.

Okay. So that was a little bit better, right? At least you can Etch-a-Sketch a picture of me in your head, or draw me with charcoal should you be a criminal sketch artist. But still, I kind of just sound like I’m describing my outfit to someone I’m about to meet on a blind date.

What if I wanted to describe my look to my best friend, though? Either over the phone or via text or through the forgotten art of yarn-and-Solo-cups?

Well, I’d  obviously say that I look like a Biblical character on holiday in the Caribbean who is wearing black to mourn not the breakup of her now-ex-boyfriend but rather, the loss of free access to his Netflix and HBO Go account.

Now you know exactly what I’m wearing, don’t you?

Leandra currently looks like a camp counselor on a Five Star Safari whose footwear hints that she just got out of her musical theater dance class and didn’t have time to change her shoes.

Now it’s your turn. If you’re wearing stripes, don’t default to the word “nautical.” Instead try…Beetlejuice meets a Venice gondola operator in the early 1900s or, a Brooklyn bumble bee filtered through Willow. One time I looked like a preppy Harry Styles – the possibilities are endless.

Ok, I’m waiting….

– Amelia Diamond

Photo Courtesy of Vogue Italia, February 1999, photographed by Steve Heitt

REPLIES
  • http://www.avacarmichael.com Ava Marie Carmichael

    i’m dressed like a Japanese tourist on laundry day, utilizing a random assortment of available wardrobe pieces and calling it flamboyantly chic.

    • Amelia Diamond

      Amazing.

  • Tara Jayne

    I look like a cast member of Fiddler on the Roof, but more casual and comfortable. Kind of like if I were Tzeitel but I was going to the dog park in the 1970s. Replace her headkerchief (did I just make that word up?) with a sun hat that kind of looks like the one Julia Robert’s character wore to the races in Pretty Woman. Add birkenstocks.

    • Amelia Diamond

      I love this very much.

  • andrea raymer

    Well, today I am wearing a navy and white striped tee and navy pajama pants with tiny white polka dots instead of actual pants. given the vaguely harem-y silhouette of my pants combined with my pointed flats I look a bit like a stepped out of Aladdin.

    So I guess today I look like a gondolier that slept in too late and forgot to put on regular pants before going to work in Agrabah.

    • Amelia Diamond

      “a gondolier that slept in too late and forgot to put on regular pants before going to work in Agrabah.” – my look tomorrow

  • Kira

    Michelle Obama meets Cinnabon.

    • Amelia Diamond

      What in the perfection of descriptives could this possible mean?

  • Isa Sabraw

    I look like a granola mom meets an entitled boy from Conneticut with the facial expression of Kanye West.

    • Amelia Diamond

      me always

  • Liz Warners

    I think I would start off by naming today’s outfit “humdrum office appropriate”. Add in a the finest navy lace overlay that New York and Compnay can muster, little Peter Pan shoes that he must have lost when he so rude-fully detached his shadow, and a braid that Katniss Everdeen would be jealous of, even though my hair is 7 times shorter than hers, and I think you could describe my work outfit today.

    • Amelia Diamond

      clapping

  • PunkLady

    I’m going for the london punk scene enthusiast that happens to buy her clothes at the old-lady section at Barneys

  • Teresa

    Miley meets Rebel Wison, meets the Olson twins…punk bleached hair, jersey dress, commes de garcon styled over sized sweater, and Lord boards that wannabe Celine furkinstocks.
    Everyday this summer I look at these sandals I have had since 1999 and thank my stars they have stayed w/ me for the past 15 years…overall I look like a 33 year old reliving her 18 year old fashion fantasy that I can actually afford :)

  • ShanIsRad

    I’m dressed like Katniss Everdeen, when she is speaking to the districts (down to the brain going down the side of my head). Red cotton tank, black maxi skirt, bird earrings, and black and white flats.

  • Mariah

    In jersey pants with a print that looks like a three year old took a white crayon to black paper. A tee that only if you are a Starkid you will understand. And hair of Katniss. Basically an off-duty artist.

    Theatricality by Mariah

    • Amelia Diamond

      this is our third Katniss reference! guys is she fictional style icon I need to be looking into ?

  • Autumn

    Beautiful, bright, yet kinda tacky, upholstered flea market couch meets lazy dude

  • http://mayashawcollection.tumblr.com/ Maya

    If the ladies of Grey Gardens were to be house ridden in 2014 while dawning assorted friendship bracelets that has been how I have looked for this last half of the summer. It is time for school to start again.

  • http://www.fancyalterego.wordpress.com/ Heather P.

    I look like Ellie Torres from the show, Cougar Town – smug face and quick retorts included.

  • Margot

    Ambitious teenager realizes that she is not unsusceptible to the lure of endless reading and meets the easy convenience of a tshirt and (sigh) nike shorts. Essentially a gym outfit that will likely never meet an elliptical.

  • http://alcessa.wordpress.com/ alcessa

    So I had soy cream for lunch today, you see? You can tell? I’ll change the tee tomorrow, I promise. I’m ashamed to wear it anyway, because Bangladesh. Now, my maxi skirt … twigs and dots and flowers and stripes and what not: yes, I am a dynamic person, but then, the World’s dynamic, too. Often too much so. So we meet in the middle, which would be my skirt. Oh, you can tell. Colors? Deep blue ocean meets white cotton fields. They dance. Swirl. Whirl. Fall in love. Feel ashamed of their soy creamed tee neighbour. And the fake Birkenstocks underneath.

    • Amelia Diamond

      just say it’s a pattern!!

      • http://alcessa.wordpress.com/ alcessa

        @Anyone: start making & selling patches stating boldly (or in italics): “It’s a pattern! -> … Duh.”

        How about that? Royalties going to Amelia and moi? :-)

  • Emilia Petrarca

    I’m in head-to-toe black silk, (including my MR Supergas), so I guess you could say I look like Hugh Hefner’s bed sheets?

  • Megan

    The northern half of my body is a 70s boy rocker who stole a 90s boys jewelry and then ran through an African lion safari and came out with pants. Complete with Regina George shoes and bee sting lips.

  • http://www.itscarmen.com ≈ CARMEN ≈

    I look like…me. I am wearing a pleated abstract floral skirt. The colors & style remind me of a watercolor painting. I tucked in my neon yellow & white striped tank. I am wearing my tiger flats ( yes there’s a tiger on them). My right sole is literally falling off. Very Carmen-esque…aka odd & colorful. :] // itsCarmen.com ☼

  • Victoria Storm

    I call this one, Flight Attendant With A Sense Of Humor Which Is The Only Reason She Hasn’t Been Fired Cause She’s Always Late To Work

    vicstorya.com

  • Alexis

    top half…prisons came out with their shirt button up/collar style
    bottom half…totally unforgivable, a toddler size khaki stretch cigarette item (I wont dare call them pants) whose seam ripped as I sat down on the train on my way to work…
    on these feet…world flag toms
    I must admit, I have NO look

  • Sasha

    Today I’m pulling a Mime on vacation at the shore who keeps hanging around the trail ride horse stables as if there’s some real equestrian shit to be learned: striped black-and-white madewell dress with espadrilles and thick leather belt.

  • WinnieCooper

    Homeless hippie x 90′s preppy college student that slept with the tenured professor
    (thin knee-length wrinkled kimono cardigan, Birkenstocks, ankle length tailored trousers, striped pink shirt with granola stuck on my left boob, and a kate spade bag)

  • http://www.dominiquecandido.com Dominique
  • http://madamecouture.blogspot.com/ Emma Hager

    I’ve been in a bathing suit for the past 72 hours essentially because I head to the beach whenever boredom sets in. So I look like a lobster with a hay bale toupée (meaning my salty, sunscreen-y hair.)

  • Celeste

    Like I’m about to go to bed. No, not in *that* way…

  • Sara

    I’m dressed as a hippie who became disillusioned with the movement and decided to fall off the earth and onto her grandparent’s farm, and learned to fall in love with the joys of hard labor and fresh eggs. But not fresh milk because she’s lactose-intolerant.

  • suzyd

    I look like a picnic table on crack

  • sarah

    house frau meets norm core, with the exception of an exotic animal strapped to my feet. jeez, its a hard one.

  • olive

    I look like an old woman that got trapped in her punk granddaughters closet and landed on pippi long stocking on the way out

  • dedicatedfollower

    Nick Carraway’s gay younger brother who works at the slaughterhouse.

  • donn

    that is perfect !
    jam tangan pria

  • anullita

    I look like summer! all white and loose.

  • Annika

    Oh boy, as in literally – pixie cut, AA tee, Adidas trackpants… Had I known you were going to ask I would have worn something a bit more appropriate :D

  • Littlesticks

    A denim & teal sandwich that fell face-down on a cutting room floor. Garnished with chicken feathers and dog hair. I honestly don’t remember if I was wearing shoes.

  • http://dolceandgabriella.wordpress.com Gigi Gastevich

    Jared Leto meets Barbie’s frumpy best friend, Midge.

  • Maria

    I look like a depressed teenage boy at a 1950s gay cure camp who managed to smuggle in a little cabaret glamour thanks to the LV-esque glossy beads on my sweatshirt and my barely-there pink lipstick.

  • http://www.luxuryandlipgloss.com/ Lindsay

    This conversation has made my morning…and inspired me to change out of my “I look like a 13 year old on summer vacation” outfit.

  • Gré Tee

    The love child of a ballet dancer and a good old stereotipical crazy person (otherwise known as a “New-York tramp”)

  • http://www.fashionedinlondon.wordpress.com/ Charlotte Sutherland-Hawes

    An overgrown baby whose mother is trying to get it to fit into a (slightly too small) hand-me-down romper that was wrong in the Eighties and oh so right now, complete with slits on the outer leg to keep cool in the Summer heat. Oh, and buttons only down one side, because YOLO.

  • Summer Allen

    I look like my Jewish grandmother woke up an hour late and exchanged her black & white duds for jewel-toned everything.

  • Kelley Scott

    A mime with a hangover, but forewent the makeup for better shoes (Lanvin brogues).

  • Magma

    Im dressed like a squaredancing reject met up with some Hells Angels and tried to fit in by cutting a black denim floorlength skirt into a frayed mini, then got picked up by a D&D nerd and decided on a tyedied spaghetti strap tank w/ Hot Topicesque scary dragon on it, then went for the gold with southwestern Hush Puppies moccasins and hair from Big Loves Nicolette. All 1993. Also I have no apostrophe key on my keyboard anymore, so please dont judge.

  • Saebra Waterstraut

    I look like an extremely mature elementary school student who’s parents forgot that it was July and couldn’t find the lint roller.

  • Eduardo Rolo

    well, it’s hard to describe but I’m actually dressed up as a arabian, givenchy meets HBA meets KTZ sort of gangster, but the really interesting part is on my boots (despite the fact that I’m a guy wearing legging with a arabian shorts), they are very punky but they are 2 sizes larger (I guess) so I look like a punk clown taking vacation on the moon (not so sure about the boots, they are really pretty but to large… but I don’t want to give up on them… I still have time, what should I do?)… but I look dope tho.

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