Sometimes Amelia comes to work looking particularly fresh. She creeks her neck and the faint smell of newly-cut tulips essentially emanates from her head.
Now that I’m writing this and not just thinking it, I feel relatively uncomfortable and vaguely inappropriate, but that’s not it. Charlotte does this too. She walk in, looking all unassuming and cool, flatforms on foot, cactus onesie on body and always insouciantly, she walks to her desk. While she’s putting her things down, I’ll notice a sparkle in her hair and for a moment, I consider asking her on a date.
Then I remember that I’m married and infidelity/inter-office relationships are not on my list of movements to subscribe to. So I wonder, what do these bitches do to their hair?
I should mention that other times they both look and act like dirty dishes, which is to say they’re still important, useful and all, but only after they’ve been cleaned. It’s just, who’s going to clean them? Not me! Please!
And do they ever wonder the same about me? Sure, on a bad day I walk in smelling like a stale knee cap and my hair is rarely clean, but on the off chance it is, do they believe that I walk in radiating the swagger of, say, Fred Astaire if he were in a Pantene Pro-V commercial? According to Amelia, yes, which is why we’ve decided to institute a new installment that may or may not start and end right here on the way we wash things.
Of course, today is about our hair. And that’s only because as is always the case with a Minor Cogitation, we want to know what YOU do to keep your hair feeling like the best version of itself.
Me, personally, I oscillate between using Bumble and bumble’s surf shampoo and conditioner and Pantene Pro-V generic-pharmacy shine bright like a diamond shampoo. I think it keeps my hair clean (sorry, wrong word, what I mean is full o’sulfate) for a longer period of time. Often, I’ll use Purely Perfect cleansing cream right after the shampoo application. Then I’ll wait for my dumb hair to dry and flat iron this bitch like it is 2002.
Amelia: On average I wash my hair about 4/5 days a week — I can’t stand having dirty hair. I typically shampoo and condition with Garnier Color Shield. I leave the shampoo on while I wash my face and hang out so that it has a few minutes to soak up all the gunk before I rinse it. My hair has to squeak when I rinse, or else I feel like it isn’t clean. Then I put conditioner on starting halfway down my head. I let that sit while I shave my legs or sing the full song to “Don’t Rain On My Parade” so my hair can soak up the conditionz. Twice a week I use Purely Perfect cleansing cream instead of “regular” shampoo and conditioner. When I do the final rinse, I use the coldest water I can stand. I let the whole shebang air-dry almost every time I wash it EXCEPT for Saturday nights, which is blow-out city.
Charlotte: I have some of the driest locks around — think wire-haired dachshund frolicking in the desert — so washing my hair only exacerbates the problem and leaves me with a whole lot of coarse frizz. I wash maybe one time per week and despise the process. Depending on my dandruff situation I alternate between Head & Shoulders and a Kérastase shampoo and conditioner for dry hair. I really glop on the conditioner and try to leave it in for about 10 minutes before rinsing and occasionally I condition twice. But if we’re being really honest here, I secretly get my hair blown out far more frequently than I care to admit so that is probably why Leandra thinks my hair looks nicer than it actually is.
Okay, your turn. HOW DO YOU WASH YOUR HAIR?
Image shot by Carlotta Manaigo