Ten Ridiculous Reality TV Titles We’d Love to See

by Esther Levy
August 25, 2014
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game-of-gnomes

I have a serious addiction, and it comes in the form of “reality” television. Few things make a night golden quite like a bottle of wine, my Seamless delivery man, and the Housewives of Wherever. There’s no greater joy than watching a prosthetic limb being thrown in a restaurant, or observing a pair of nude strangers try to forage for food in the inhospitable swamps of Louisiana (I’m referring to Naked and Afraid, not Real Housewives, FYI).

Reality TV is the black hole of guilty pleasures. It’s mindless, ridiculous, and further scripted than a David’s Bridal commercial. Be that as it may, the genre has set up permanent shop in the realm of pop culture, which means that our obsession with it ensures the continued existence of Bravo, TLC and its imposters who have successfully risen to the occasion to churn out non-realistic realistic premises faster than Betty Lou can whip butter.

So, Andy Cohen, if you’re out there listening — and something tells me you are — here are some titles we’d love to cozy up to in the not-so distant future.

1. Sex in Sin City: Las Vegas Edition

The cards that you’re dealt aren’t always full of hearts 

2. NYC Apartment Swap

The kale isn’t always greener in your neighbor’s 2 by 2 kitchen 

3. Dog Day Afternoon

They’re Chihuahuas and they rob banks 

4. The Real Help of the Real Housewives of Orange County

Because behind every pretentious woman is a stronger woman with her own dirty laundry to air 

5. The Real World. DETOX.

As if spending five months with complete strangers wasn’t enough, these cast mates will subsist on juice. That’s right, juice. For five months. Five months. Just juice for five months. 

6.The Deadliest Match

They’re zombies, and they’re after beating hearts

7. MTA Wives

If that train goes off the track, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up! 

8.  Bun in the (Bachelorette’s) Oven

Twenty men know they want her heart, zero know she is pregnant 

9. Game of Gnomes

This garden is only big enough for one of us. All Gnomes must crack. 

10. Dancing ON the Stars

Celebrities dance on top of other celebrities while suspended in space: stars on stars on stars.

Ready TV-land? Your turn.

REPLIES
  • http://adeliberateimagination.wordpress.com/ CJKEYS2

    I will be laughing at number 8 for at least 4 days.

    ok-
    Little Sister – It’s like Big Brother, except it’s not at all. A group of people all get a baby sister and have to keep her entertained on a flight from NY to Australia and back.

    Dungeons, Dragons, and Drag Racing
    First you have to beat Guy Fieri in the game, and then you race each other in matching red camaros to the restaurant with the best cheeseburger. Winner receives a pulled pork sandwich.

    56 and Pregnant
    Whoops.

    • Esther Levy

      can dungeons, dragons, and drag racing please GET IN MY LIFE NOW!? Also just ‘win a date with Guy Fieri’ where he picks you up in his red camaro and you guys just get to do each others hair and eat fish and chips for like, at least 5 hours

      • http://adeliberateimagination.wordpress.com/ CJKEYS2

        YES! then he picks a favorite to wipe the tartar sauce off his beard. Sign me the eff up.

    • http://hermeone.etsy.com Josie Fillat

      ohhh my YESSS 56 and pregnant!!!! and Little sister is really good also. Well done!!!

  • Somebody from Somewhere
  • http://lisaldn.com LisaLDN

    OMG, I’m not the only one!! There isn’t a reality show I won’t get sucked into, no matter how much I roll my eyes at the starts in the tabloids. Not gonna lie, I’ve spent a few hangover days watching back to back Border Control and the likes of it. ANYTHING will do as long as it’s not scripted, haha :D

  • http://www.littlewildheart.com Alexandra Puffer

    I just want to watch life through a purse dog’s existence. Is that weird?

    Warm Regards,
    Alexandra
    http://www.littlewildheart.com

  • Emilia Petrarca

    Game of Gnomes would be a way cooler version of the Smurfs.

    • Charlotte Fassler

      mixed with the logical journey of the zoombinis….

      • http://marciayl.tumblr.com/ Marcia Lee

        MAKE ME A PIZZAAAA

  • http://tongueburnt.blogspot.com/ Sarah Elise

    Okay I read about this one a while ago on some forum or something, but it has always stuck with me as the best idea in the world. It’s called Needle in a Gay Sack

    11 gay men and 1 straight man are locked in a house. The object for the gay men is to find out who isn’t gay. Once a week someone gets outvoted, until 2 are left, or the straight man is out. If the gays manage to outvote him, they win 1 million dollars. If the straight man is among the 2 last people in the house in the end, he wins 1 million dollars.

    Now here’s the twist: None of the men are actually gay. They just all think they are the one straight man.

    So it’s a just buncha straight dudes acting like homos on TV

    • Esther Levy

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN IN THIS LIFE.

  • http://www.dominiquecandido.com Dominique
  • Jenns10

    i cant decide which one i like the best!!
    cross dog day afternoon with reservoir dogs and that might be my favorite

  • Ray, L

    You want to get real?? How about these
    1. The rent was Due Last week and I any got No money..
    2. Daddy can you pay my Student Loan I’m just an Intern”

  • mercy

    great , so funny

    regards tas selempang wanita

  • atelierjen

    Genius!

  • AliKazaam

    this is the funniest thing I’ve ever read on MR, Either you watch waaaaay too much TV or your an evil Genius

  • 40isthenew30

    how about a reality show wherein 4-5 20 something girls work at a website dedicated to fashion and all its trappings? the show would have a leader with the other girls scrambling to be her second in command……

  • Raquel levy

    who knew you were funny?!? But really this is amazing Es!

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