What started out last night as a flurry no more alarming than Ally Sheedy making it snow from her own head quickly turned into something out of the frozen land in Game of Thrones, and when the city awoke this morning it found itself dead smack in the middle of one very pronounced Snow Day.
The concept of a Snow Day is a bit foreign to me seeing as I grew up in California. That concept remained confusing even during my college years because my school, which was practically in Antarctica, never shut down for snow. We would just all get in these ice canoes and propel ourselves to class via oar. Man did I have great arms during those winters.
Anywho, seeing as this is my first REAL snow day and I’m stuck in my apartment with a roommate who has just recently banned me for the unforeseen future from singing (rude), I’m getting a little antsy. And with the snow settled and the sun out, despite the negative zillion temperature that’s been declared by our local news station, I want to go do something! But what is there to do on such a day?
I’ve brainstormed a few ideas. For startz you could buy me these Marni shoes that I’ve had my eyeball on and are now much cheaper thanks to this mega whopper of a Net-A-Porter sale. I’m not sure why you’d do that though. So the next reasonable thing is to bundle up, and I mean really bundle the eff up because we’re hitting the slopes, baby.
Before heading outside, grab a spoon, a jar of Nutella, a banana, two tennis rackets, some yarn, and a megaphone.
The tennis rackets and yarn are for your feet. Everyone knows that the only way to properly walk when the snow has reached ankle-length proportions is to tie tennis rackets to your shoes and then glide along your merry way. I like to glide right in front of slow moving cars and let them push me to my destination via their bumper. The drivers don’t like this so much but I don’t like their carbon footprint, so how about that.
The spoon, Nutella and banana are for the Snowdae Sundae you’re about to make. Simply scoop the Nutella on a preferably non-yellow patch of snow, cut up the banana with an icicle and dig in. If anyone is staring at you strangely it’s probably just jealousy. If the snow tastes like pee then you probably just blatantly ignored my avoid-the-yellow advice.
You may be wondering what the point of bringing a megaphone was. Well, it’s to run around in your racket-shoes and shout and just make a lot of noise, of course! Eschew that pesky indoor voice, brag loudly about your closed office or school, announce to anyone trying to nap that it is, in fact, still cold outside and just sing child, sing!
Then tell me what you plan to do for real. Or what you’d like to do, even if it’s in your wildest dreams of a snow globe. And if you happen to be in a climate like, say, Australia that renders January 3rd a summer day and it’s deliciously, wonderfully warm, pretend you’re having a snow day anyway and tell us about that. (But also, fuck you.)