There’s one of those lists going around that starts with a number and ends in a truth, something to the effect of “21 realities of dating in your Twenties.” And though I winced my way through it (either out of snobbism or because it was hitting too close to home, reader’s choice) there was one that stood out: the only difference between someone being creepy or romantic is if you find them attractive.
This is often true. An absolute serial killer could text me something about wearing my skin as a face mask, but if he had the hair of Tom Cruise circa Risky Business and the face of Seth Cohen, I’d be like, “Aww!”
However, every woman has at least a few pre-set standards that even the most beautiful of potential suitors can’t overcome once broken, because whether it’s fair or not, Deal Breakers are set in stone.
Leandra, back in her single days, would throw up red flags when first dates tried to eat from her plate. (“Throw up” as in “raise”…she wouldn’t actually barf. I don’t think, at least.) Overcompensation was also a big no, like the time Leandra’s date pointed out her Hermes bracelet and then flashed open his sport coat to display his own larger-than-life “H.”
Charlotte and her friends have a thing against vests and bad sunglasses, plus ill-fit jeans with awful shoes.
I can’t handle a number of things, like poor manners, bad breath, lack of restaurant etiquette, overly aggressive eye contact, name-dropping, financial bragging, and voices. Oh god. I hate when guys do “voices.” It’s like they did it once to impersonate someone, and a friend of theirs laughed, so now this voice is their “thing.” I find nothing creepier than a man who is talking in his regular tone and then BAM! I’m blindsided with a faux-English accent a la Austin Powers — the spy who will definitely not be shagging me. Whoa, dude. Stick with what your mother gave you.
Perhaps having Deal Breakers is too picky. Maybe it’s setting us up for failure, or at least extending the amount of time we’ll spend looking for The One.
But I’m not looking for The One yet — just someone who doesn’t stare at me for too long, who doesn’t drink from their tumblers with a straw and knows that snapping at waitresses is rude. What about someone who at the very least doesn’t watch Everybody Loves Raymond. I hate Raymond! Is that too much to ask?
It might be. But more importantly, what are your dating deal breakers? I know you have some good ones.
– Amelia Diamond