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What’s in Your Fridge: Mickey Boardman
04.29.15

“I love cereal. When I go to France, I get the Special K with chocolate in it because that’s all they have at the little grocery by where I stay. What I usually have is like a grilled cheese and french fries so Special K is like eating kale. I don’t always [keep it in my fridge] — I usually keep it on the stove. But this shelf that is usually covered in plates started to collapse, so I had to move the plates to the fridge.

Let me get some Royalty Dishes. I’m officially like that crazy lady who they show on the day of the Royal Wedding…I never cook. Con-Edison sends me e-mails like, ‘You you never use the gas. Can we turn you off?’ And I always say no. And I weirdly hate microwaves, but my boss, Kim, gave me this microwave and I do cook my turkey pot pies in there. I’m vegetarian and when I saw the Tofurky pot pies for the first time, I literally lost my mind. I thought it was a dream come true because I love that kind of food: a grilled cheese sandwich, a pot pie. Very American diner. But you can never get a pot pie for a vegetarian.

The Diet Cokes — I hate Diet Coke — I only drink regular Coke because I feel like if you’re gonna have soda, go there. It’s my thing. Though sugar is the devil. And I do prefer the Mexican Coke, because it’s real sugar, as opposed to corn syrup but an ongoing sort-of joke in my life is that when I order on Seamless, they bring me Diet Coke instead of Regular Coke, and I have a nervous break-down. So, the refrigerator is filled with Coke I would never drink.

I mostly order in but I do go on kicks. Now I’m getting these vegetarian breakfast sausages, so I cook those. But I never use the stove. Twice in the twenty-some years I’ve lived here [in Nolita] I’ve made Weight Watchers Garden Vegetable Soup, and I had a nervous breakdown just shopping the vegetables. I just feel like I have no natural sense in the kitchen. Like, if you taste it and you’re like, ‘That needs more salt, that needs more this’ —  I have no natural sense for that.

For breakfast, I usually get a bagel. Every once in a while, I will have the Special K for breakfast even though I usually eat it when I come home from parties. For me, it’s a much healthier choice than grilled cheese. I do go every once in a while to a place like Whole Foods, though, thinking, I’m gonna get tons of fresh fruit! Or tons of stuff that’s easy to make, but I end up never using it. I have Mickey Mouse chocolates from Belgium in my freezer, they’ve been in there for two years. I haven’t even looked at it. They’re taped shut.”

Follow Mickey Boardman, PAPER Magazine’s editorial director, on Twitter here. Want more fridges? Stalk here.

Images by Lauren Levinger of The Food Life

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  • Esther Levy

    I put cereal in the fridge too!!!!!!!

  • cereal is the best food ever! so is grilled cheese, and french fries. I like the way you think.

  • AlexaJuno

    What misfortune hath led me to this static corporate uniform which denies my overpowering lust to wear sequins and a polo shirt every moment of every day?

    • Give in to your lust Alexa!!!

      • AlexaJuno

        I would have some mighty fabulous footsteps to follow in. 🙂

  • Andrea Raymer

    I feel such kinship with him. The cereal, the grilled cheese, the royalty plates. This is me.

    • Andrea Raymer

      As proof I offer the following photo that I instagrammed last week.

  • parkzark

    I agree with Mickey, if you’re gonna drink a soda, go all the way and just get a Coke. Now I want one, damnit.

  • I relate to this on a spiritual level

  • Fun fact: Tofurky is made in my hometown of Hood River, Oregon. Your freezer makes me happy.
    P.S. shopping for vegetables makes me have a nervous breakdown too.

  • Julie Meowmeows

    Pretty much all I have in my fridge are my latest Blue Apron meals, ’cause I’m a lazy bum.

  • Liz

    My fridge tends to say “You’re not here,” as there’s hardly anything in it. I keep my coffee in there, so I would have something.
    One day someone will tell me “If you move in with me, you never have to do food shopping again,” and that will be it. I will never have a cider, wine, or sparkling wine with coffee for dinner again.