Let’s Rename the Blizzard
NY Mag is so funny. Their Daily Intelligencer section has “in the style of the very viral Weather Channel, dubbed this pending doom Richard Sherman, after the Seattle Seahawks hero’s brilliant flurry of trash talk last night.”
I’m from San Francisco (in case I haven’t told you enough) so the trash talking wasn’t exactly welcomed warmly on my end after the 49er’s loss. BUT. The concept of naming storms for the hollering heck of it is always fun, especially when you’re trying to make it go viral a la Upworthy (“You’ll Never Guess What This White Shit Falling From The Sky Is!!!).
It’s even more fun if you you have literally no idea what I have just been blathering on about.
So, because we all need a quick break from work and doing anything remotely productive, let’s think of better names for the snow storm of impending doom.
I’ll go first:
THE TODDLER Two-year-old babies are super reckless. So is snow.
WHITE WALKER After the evil, questionably dead ribby monsters in Game of Thrones.
THE BURSTING APPENDIX If it’s happened to you, you just get it.
GABBY HOFFMAN I just feel like she’s having a moment and so is this storm.
THE TOOTHLESS ROOF CANAL This one comes via the brain of Leandra so ask her because I have no idea what this has to do with a snowstorm.
THE COLONOSCOPY Because when is it ever a good time for one? Also, both are shitty. (Also per Leandra’s brain.)
My personal favorite comes by way of Charlotte Fassler, whose friend has dubbed it…THE POLAR HORCRUX.
UPDATE: WE HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT THE ACTUAL NAME OF THE STORM IS WINTER STORM JANUS. According to ancient Roman religion and myth, Janus is the two-faced namesake for January and the god of beginning and transitions.
Yea, or like, Chandler Bing’s ex-girlfriend.
I’m passing the icicle baton to you now, though. What would you rename this snowstorm?
– Amelia Diamond
Photo by John Cowan via Vogue, 1964