We’re not going to beat around the bush here. Carlye Wisel asked a really good question and we think it’s confirmed. Justin Bieber is Catfishing us. All of us. As in, the collectively worldly WE. And he has been for quite some time.
Think about it: famous country star gives birth to baby girl in the year 1992. She was christened Destiny Hope Cyrus, and we will just assume that her first name was given in tribute to another very famous Child of the ’90s.
Two years later, Justin Bieber was born. He was not named after an all-female singing group. Justin Bieber begins to grow resentful of this fact. And resentment does really weird things to one’s brain.
In 2006, we meet Miley Cyrus as Hannah Montana. OR DID WE?
Stay with us here: Justin Bieber wasn’t discovered by Scooter Braun until 2008. We know that up until that point, he made a lot of Youtube videos and went to school like every other regular kid in Canada. But what about all of his free time? Someone with a face that lovely and a voice that high couldn’t possibly have remained a mere mortal for all those years.
Last night, the above photograph appeared in one of our inboxes, sent by our good friend Nev Schulman over at MTV. We gasped, we cried, and we then officially knew it to be true: Miley Cyrus is actually Justin Bieber wearing a really weird disguise.
But we weren’t even mad. We were impressed! Logistically, this makes Bieber more stealth than Santa Claus. It’s also quite Shakespearean of him, isn’t it? Boy dresses as girl to get what he truly desires. Boy succeeds. And not only does he succeed as said girl — he succeeds as himself.
We love a happy ending.
And we also love a conspiracy theory; All of this means Destiny Hope Cyrus is still out there somewhere…a Minor Cogitation we’ll save for another time.
-Amelia Diamond (photoshop work by Charlotte Fassler)