If You Had a Band, What Would It Be Called?
I used to date someone who kept a running list of potential band names. I’d get random, cryptic texts that would say things like, “Larry David & Goliath,” or “Hipster Beerd.”
Him: Hipster Beerd. Like hipster beer / hipster beard. For a band name.
But sometimes his names were really on point. I had to make the above ones up to avoid any lawsuits because I’m telling you, if you heard some of his ideas you’d be super mad you didn’t have a band and think of these names first.
I tried to come up with them too. I never told him I did this because I felt like it was his thing, but I always thought that it might be fun to one day have a screamo band and if it ever came to fruition I’d need a name.
Some of my favorites were:
The Golden Girls
The Mighty Ducks
The Wonder Years
The Zach Morris Five
So you can see that my creativity extended no further than a few very dated pop culture references…or that I basically was just going to straight up steal the names of TV and movie titles, but luckily for me and my lawyer, my screamo band never formed.
This may be due in part to the fact that — as (good) Charlotte (haha) pointed out — if a band’s name sucks, the band is doomed. Leandra, for example, has a one-man-band named Elbow’s Misery (…) where she “sings” about the noble quest for proper grammar. BuzzFeed once compiled a listicle of awful almost-names which you can read here but not until we’re done! Stay focused! Because the next thing I’m about to say is…
If you had a band, what would it be called? Pigeon’s Hole? Black Cattath? One Flew Over the ChooChoo’s Breast? Pretend the comments section is a backpack and you are equipped with a whiteout pen: go crazy and write all over it!
Image of the Rolling Stones shot by Michael Cooper