April 1st is a deceiving day. It’s often sunny, a bit warmer than the month that preceded it, and the general public seems to walk with a lighter step because there’s no denying that April is a billion times better than March. (No offense if you just had a bday.)
But it’s dangerous. The moment midnight strikes and the calendar flips, an ominous air rolls in like fog and hangs just low enough that not a single step is safe. Why? Because some douche-nozzle decided that the first day of this otherwise lovely month should be maimed with imminent threat: around every corner on April 1st is the potential to be a FOOL.
The problem’s somewhat avoidable, however. I say “somewhat,” because chances are we already “got” you this morning if you found yourself wondering about the state of our damn minds.
We did lose our minds, but carry on, because it’s still early enough that you can salvage your day.
The first step is to assume EVERYONE is punking you. Everyone. Your boss wants a report due ASAP? She’s just kidding! The roof is on fire? LOL no it’s not! Your friend’s having a baby, a dinner’s been moved early, or someone tells you that you’re standing on their foot? GUYS, it’s April Fools! And you won’t be had.
The next step is to “get” people first. I’m a huge fan of slapstick, so if you can throw oiled up banana peels at anyone walking towards you, or keep a buzzer in your palm then run around on a high-five spree, great. Saran wrap desks. Sure. The point is to make like a Boy Scout and BE PREPARED, because if it’s not them, trust that it’s gonna be you. (And then next month, it’s gonna be May.)
You probably can’t avoid Twitter, Instagram or any of the other various mediums that are going to try to trick you. In fact, the likelihood you get tricked is extremely high. But you can’t be a fool if no one knows you’ve been tricked, so spend the day with your mouth full of waffles and a large pair of sunglasses over your eyes. You won’t be physically immune to pranks, but your poker face will help belie the truth that yea, you were a little bit surprised about the Whoopie Cushion you just sat on.
If none of these are do-able, you’re done. But the good news is that tomorrow’s the second, and everyone will forget that you were a joke’s butt today.
(And obviously, if you pranked someone or got pranked, tell us. Don’t act like you’re not running around a la Dennis the Menace with no shirt, one overall button and a sling shot.)
- Amelia Diamond