My dad’s pants fell off in Bed Bath & Beyond. I suppose these kinds of things happen in the same way that The Fault in Our Stars’ John Green described falling in love: “slowly, and then all at once.” They were on, and then suddenly they were not. But they also dropped in slow motion, which was just enough time for a family of four to turn the corner at his pants’ precise moment of final descent.
I did what any normal human would do and collapsed to the floor so I could laugh without the burden of having to hold up my limbs. Then the tears came, so picture me in fetal position while cry-silent-shaky-laughing on the floor of a home goods (and more!) store.
I’m not sure who looked crazier to the employees: me, or no-pants-Bob.
I was embarrassed. Mortified, actually. Prepared to live a life of being known as “The Girl Whose Dad Publicly Answered the Question of ‘Boxers or Briefs?’ in Aisle 5, Dorm Supplies.” But still, it was hilarious and has become my favorite story about him, maybe ever.
Often I’ll remind him of this instance when we’re peacefully driving, or around strangers, or at the dinner table with family. It’s just kind of a fun little thing to bring up: “Hey dad, remember when your pants fell off?” He remembers.
(But you never know, so sometimes I have to check!)
Dads do embarrassing shit all the time. I think it’s because they reach that joyous age in life where they truly and completely give no fucks. Why should they? They have no reason to care what anyone thinks. They’re too wise for that. Their inner-awesome is fully developed. “Cool” is irrelevant. They know that anyone worth having in their lives will stick around, regardless of the pants-optional dress code.
Or any dress code for that matter. Why else would my dad wear Tevas and ankle socks?
And so, because it’s almost Father’s Day, I thought I’d remind my dad once again about the time his pants fell off at Bed Bath & Beyond.
More importantly, we want you to remind your dads about all of the weird and embarrassing things they do or have done. Like talking to themselves extremely loudly in the shower, or choosing to not rub in their sunscreen. Maybe they listen to Taylor Swift. And sing along. Publicly.
So tell us: what’s the most embarrassing thing your dad has done? We share because we love, of course, so Happy Father’s Day, dads. You guys rule.