What’s the Most Embarrassing Thing Your Dad Has Done?

by Charlotte Fassler
June 13, 2014
FACEBOOK
TWITTER
PINTEREST
READ NEXT

embarrassingdadsfathersdadchevychasenationallampoon

My dad’s pants fell off in Bed Bath & Beyond. I suppose these kinds of things happen in the same way that The Fault in Our Stars’ John Green described falling in love: “slowly, and then all at once.” They were on, and then suddenly they were not. But they also dropped in slow motion, which was just enough time for a family of four to turn the corner at his pants’ precise moment of final descent.

I did what any normal human would do and collapsed to the floor so I could laugh without the burden of having to hold up my limbs. Then the tears came, so picture me in fetal position while cry-silent-shaky-laughing on the floor of a home goods (and more!) store.

I’m not sure who looked crazier to the employees: me, or no-pants-Bob.

I was embarrassed. Mortified, actually. Prepared to live a life of being known as “The Girl Whose Dad Publicly Answered the Question of ‘Boxers or Briefs?’ in Aisle 5, Dorm Supplies.” But still, it was hilarious and has become my favorite story about him, maybe ever.

Often I’ll remind him of this instance when we’re peacefully driving, or around strangers, or at the dinner table with family. It’s just kind of a fun little thing to bring up: “Hey dad, remember when your pants fell off?” He remembers.

(But you never know, so sometimes I have to check!)

Dads do embarrassing shit all the time. I think it’s because they reach that joyous age in life where they truly and completely give no fucks. Why should they? They have no reason to care what anyone thinks. They’re too wise for that. Their inner-awesome is fully developed. “Cool” is irrelevant. They know that anyone worth having in their lives will stick around, regardless of the pants-optional dress code.

Or any dress code for that matter. Why else would my dad wear Tevas and ankle socks?

And so, because it’s almost Father’s Day, I thought I’d remind my dad once again about the time his pants fell off at Bed Bath & Beyond.

More importantly, we want you to remind your dads about all of the weird and embarrassing things they do or have done. Like talking to themselves extremely loudly in the shower, or choosing to not rub in their sunscreen. Maybe they listen to Taylor Swift. And sing along. Publicly.

So tell us: what’s the most embarrassing thing your dad has done? We share because we love, of course, so Happy Father’s Day, dads. You guys rule.

REPLIES
  • http://theactoffashion.wordpress.com Sophie Nicole

    Hahaha, my dad loves Taylor Swift.

    • BethanyBeach

      So does my dad haha he was the one who bought all of her CDs in my family.

    • Tara Edie

      My Dad reads TMZ like it’s the BIBLE. So cute.

      xo,
      T

      http://www.southbysunset.com

  • http://adeliberateimagination.wordpress.com/ CJKEYS2

    My dad sings Pretty Woman to the bride at every wedding he attends. I have actually never seen it first hand, but I can imagine. ANDDD there was that one time he rushed over to a choking (stranger) woman and started aggressively doing the Heimlich maneuver only to realize it was just water that went down the wrong way.

    • http://madamecouture.blogspot.com/ Emma Hager

      Brilliant.

  • KMAG

    Every Halloween, amidst our joy in carving pumpkins, my dad would collect the pumpkin seeds, roast them with salt, and tell all of us how eating them is very beneficial for your prostate. He had 3 daughters.

  • elizabeth

    The most embarrassing thing my dad ever did wasn’t just one thing. It was a phase. An era, even. For basically the entirety of middle school, he liked to add “izzle” to the end of every word and then top it off with “homie.”
    My friend: Thanks for the ride, Mr. Mike!
    Dad: For shizzle my homie!

    • Amelia Diamond

      hahahaha i love dads who do this

    • http://www.roseandfig.com/ Jess H.

      My mom STILL says “cool beans” and “what-EV-ER” and it kills me, every time.

  • Autumn

    When Christina Aguilera’s first album came out, my father purchased it and would listen to it full volume in his car because “it’s the only way to listen to this album”. Also, I would like to claim this story as my own – it’s that good.

    • Amelia Diamond

      genie in a bottle?! amazing

  • Quinn Halman

    1)We were clearing our dinner plates one night, before my mom and I went vegetarian, and chicken was the main dish served. After clearing our plates, and putting the chicken bones into the organic/food garbage we came to sat back down to play Banagrams (we’re cute like that). Anywho, dad wasn’t at the table so I turn around and my father is squatting in front of the garbage eating chicken from a carcass with his hands.

    2) At my bat mitzvah we did the tradition where you light 13 candles, each candle representing significant people in your life. I think it was after candle 8 my dad tried to adjust the positioning of them and ended up knocking all the candles over. In front of literally all my friends and most of my family

    3)The only time I’ve seen my father cry was when we say “Fiddler on the Roof”

    • Amelia Diamond

      i love your dad

      • Quinn Halman

        And I didn’t even mention the Indian accent he spoke in after we saw Life of Pi + whenever I spoke about my time in India!

        • http://madamecouture.blogspot.com/ Emma Hager

          god the accents, yes. Dads always have an artillery of accents and it has actually gotten quite competitive between the two of us.

          Since watching Ja’mie, my Australian accents gives his a run for his money.

      • http://madamecouture.blogspot.com/ Emma Hager

        I might get to meet her dad next year when I am in cawledge!!!

        Part of Quinn’s fam inhabits Montreal, so I may adopt the Halman clan as my own when I am missing mine.

        • Quinn Halman

          My parents are both McGill alumni (mom for communications, dad for med school) but fair warning with Amelia and God as my witness; as soon as you say you’re from california he will play up every stereotype there ever was

          • http://madamecouture.blogspot.com/ Emma Hager

            All good. I think I satisfy most of them (except valley girl, no way), so I am totally fine with that.

            And actually if I need a home-cooked meal I’m gonna hit up your family, Quinn.

        • Quinn Halman

          I’ll set you up with bubbie merle and zaidie sid for sure but it’s actually a very Montreal thing to not take your husband’s name so you’ll be kickin it with the Margles (pronounce mar-gleez) clan

          • http://madamecouture.blogspot.com/ Emma Hager

            Sounds very good and Jewish.

            My mom didn’t take my dad’s last name because she said it was harsh and German and I totally agree. And her’s means something roughly like: “of the foxes” in Dutch.

          • http://adeliberateimagination.wordpress.com/ CJKEYS2

            don’t forget about the cousins

          • Quinn Halman

            they’re too old for emma, only for you, CJ ;)

  • Jenna Calderone

    Before I even had a grasp on the concept of language, my dad taught me how to say “D’oh!” a la Homer Simpson. He thought I was a prodigy and had me do it for everyone we met, and my mother was mortified.

  • cocoralcara

    My family were on holiday in Cyprus and we were at a pool resort. My dad, showing off, wanted to show my sister and I how he could get on the water float much quicker than us. He jumped up and landed on the float but my dad preceded to slip down and at the same time, so did his swimming trunks! The whole resort got an eyeful of my dad’s bum and it was both hilarious and mortifying at the same time. (I couldn’t be too embarrassed as the same thing had happened to me a couple of years before at our local swimming pool. Like father, like daughter, eh?)

  • http://adeliberateimagination.wordpress.com/ CJKEYS2

    Can I add an embarrassing grandfather story to this? On a family Disney vacation, after Splash Mountain, we noticed his socks were changing color. They turned BRIGHT ORANGE from the SELF TANNER he used on his legs at 70 years old. On that same trip, he rented one of those electric wheelchairs (even though he didn’t really need it), and would intentionally smash into the sides of attractions/rides/mickey mouse/children. I think we got kicked out of Animal Kingdom.

    • http://adeliberateimagination.wordpress.com/ CJKEYS2

      This was in liiiiike 2001. So self tanner wasn’t really THAT much of a thing yet. right?

    • Amelia Diamond

      haahhahahahah

  • http://madamecouture.blogspot.com/ Emma Hager

    1) My dad’s voice is really loud and he’s horrible at remembering names, so at social events he’ll turn around and ask my mom people’s names based on their descriptions, and often times said “nameless” person in question will hear. Actually, without fail they always manage to hear.

    Dad: “Kate, who’s the geneticist by the chip bowl with the unruly ear hair?”

    *geneticist responds with recognition of ear hair and says his name*

    2) We were at a hole-in-the-wall restaurant in Chinatown one time with tables that had those spin-able middle pieces for condiments. He lets out a “wohoooooo” gives it a spin, and all the condiments go crashing onto the table and the whole restaurant turns around. The old waitress proceeds to yell at my little brother in very broken English about how he was too childish and would have to leave if he continued to disrupt the diners. Brother starts crying because of faulty blame.

    3) His overall NY bluntness that a lot of laid back California parents don’t get, thus making it awkward among first exchanges.

    4) His enthusiasm for talking about the prostate and prostate cancer with any man he meets. (He’s a cancer research/ drug discovery scientist, which is very helpful to this world of course, but maybe not when people are trying to enjoy a nice meal.)

  • Holly Carr

    Every time Beyonce’s Drunk In Love comes on the radio my dad proceeds to mimic Jay Z singing ‘if I do say so myself’ no matter who is in the car!

  • Aubrey

    At age 2 or 3 my dad taught me to say I was born in the back of a Tijuana taxi cab. In front of family, friends, anyone who would listen he’d ask and I’d proudly answer. (I was really born in Minneapolis)

  • élé

    When my brother and I were teenagers he was in the US and we were in Europe and when we came to visit for the first time I was mortified to see he had printed a giant, I mean 4 x 8 foot picture of my brother and I on vacation in Biarrtiz (a closeup of our faces) and put it up on the side of the trailer he pulled around all over the city (he’s a contractor). Apparently he just missed us terribly and was so proud of us he just thought it was a good idea!! (on the other side there was a giant poster of Mozart)
    Needless to say I was so mortified, I had him take it down immediately.

  • http://www.itscarmen.com ≈ CARMEN ≈

    My dad always has to chime in with a catchphrase or long-winded story. :] // itsCarmen.com ☼

  • Brittanical Gardens

    Whenever my dad meets a girl named after a flower he introduces himself as, “Tulip.” “Hi, Rose. I’m Tulip.” “Hi Violet. I’m Tulip.” “Hi Lily. I’m Tulip.” It never gets old.

    • Amelia Diamond

      hahahahahaha

  • amalieilund

    If Taylor Swift is embarrassing, I should be mortified with my dad’s music taste – he sings along to Celine Dion and is very proud of his “classic” taste.
    Also the first time I got really drunk, I came home and fell asleep on the bathroom floor. He took a picture of it on his phone and now he likes to show it to all of his friends whenever I’m around them.

    • Ariel

      haha!! thats pretty much the best parental response to coming home drunk..

  • Melissa

    My dad passed away fifteen years ago (when I was seventeen) and my memories of him are fading as I get older but he was about as unorthodox of a parent as they come. When I was fourteen or so he took me to a methodone clinic because he wanted to show me off (his only child) to the nurses there. I remember being a little kid and his favorite song was Electric Avenue and he would sing it all the time. . all day long . . .in the car, at the grocery store, wherever. He was also a great big guy 6’4″ and he had a little pomeranian dog he would carry with him everywhere like he was Paris Hilton or something. I remember him arguing with my stepmother because he wanted to go to the homeless mission and bring a bunch of people home to live at their house. He was hilarious and crazy and compassionate and his lifestyle is why he didn’t live very long but he was the most real person I have ever known. I miss him so much.

  • http://www.roseandfig.com/ Jess H.

    When I was little my dad told me that The Allman Brothers wrote “Jessica” for me so I would introduce myself to strangers as Jessica-who-The-Allman-Brothers-wrote-that-song-for. He also convinced me that he had a metal plate in his head so that I would ride roller coasters by myself.

    In 2007 I caught him putting two Fred Thompson for President bumper stickers on my car and clandestinely signing me up for the Junior Republican Delegation. He once declared that our St. Bernard had better hair than my prom date… in front of my prom date. In college I fell off a horse and he told my roommates we were going to the veterinarian’s office for my CT scan “because it was most economical.” And last year when my boyfriend of two years asked him for my hand in marriage he responded with a round “Well, it’s about time”.

    Dads DGAF.

  • Julia

    He always takes out his nail scissors, and starts trimming his nails. Everywhere, all the time !!

    Even when we have guests over…

    http://exploresmore.com

  • june2

    Lost it completely at a stressful Thanksgiving and ripped the turkey apart with his bare hands…to laugh (as intensely as I needed to) would have been death. Divorce followed quickly now that I think of it. Ah…family gatherings…

  • JenC

    my dad loudly pointed out that my boobs got bigger during a large family/friend dinner

  • Tara Edie

    I think everything my Dad does or did is embarrassing, from creating a Twitter account over a decade ago before parents on social media was acceptable to initiating spitball wars in five-star restaurants. But in my book, endearing and embarrassing are interchangeable when it comes to my dad. Wouldn’t trade him in for the world.

    xo,
    T

    http://www.southbysunset.com

  • http://www.dreaminlace.com/ DreamInLace

    Oh, Dads. That’s definitely a good ‘bad’ moment.

    For me, easily the worst moment was at a club when I was 19 I met up with a seriously hot guy I’d been crushing on for a while for a night out at a club. Low and behold, mid-dancing and kissing session…we’re interrupted by none other than my father. He was apparently suffering from some sort of mid-life crisis and throwing back to his youth by being at a club at 1 am on a Saturday. With high-waisted, white washed jeans and tucked in polo shirt he proceeded to repeatedly berate the poor guy to get off his daughter. Oh, and also basically dragging me out of the club without even a chance to say goodbye. Definitely a memorable moment.

  • http://www.myfashionsalvation.com myFashionSalvation

    My Dad will forever rock a straw flat brimmed hat in the sun just like his old man did. Some people might think it’s dorky, but he is just being like his old man.

    http://www.myfashionsalvation.com

  • Vic

    A few years ago, I had just left the house for school and was walking down the road when I hear this voice behind me screaming ‘Victoria!!!’ in the unnecessarily aggressive way my dad shouts. I turn round and there he is, in his pyjamas and dressing gown, running down the hill with my lunch box. When he reached me all I said was ‘I would have been fine without my lunch’.

  • rinick fabe

    when i was 8 years old i used to play with my neighbors. we played something like is a gamble. one big time i played and i was beated and then i cried without knowing that my dad came around. he gave me a whip. i cried so loud going home ….

  • Annie

    At the beach one summer my dad thought it would be hilarious if he wore Billy Bob teeth and greeted everyone who walked past my family on the beach. Looking back, this is funny. As a middle schooler however, this was mortifying.

  • Kristen

    Oh my god, the not rubbing in sunscreen is MY DAD. He’ll have a stripe of sunscreen across his face like a masked superhero and my mom and sister and I will laugh at him and say, “you have to rub it in!” while laughing and telling him he looks like a weirdo.

  • Anna

    Ohhh God, why do dads always lose their pants?! Haha. We went to Seaworld once and came to our car afterwards totally soaked. Luckily I had stuff I could change into but my dad just took of his pants and drove the car in his underwear. Our car was stopped by a guy directing people out of the parking lot…you should have seen the look on his face. I thought he was going to call the cops. Here in Germany no one would have blinked (which does not mean that we drive around in our underwear all the time haha) but America is kind of prude when it comes to those things :D

    • Amelia Diamond

      “why do dads always lose their pants?” anna, historians have been trying to answer this question for ages.

  • CarlotaLMorais

    EASY, my boyfriend offered me a night in a hotel for our birthday. I came home and my dad make a awkard dance and voice and asked “soooooo diiidd you make loooove??”

    • Amelia Diamond

      omg

  • Tessi

    My dad tried to eat the fake plastic Salami of a Homes and Gardens outdoor exhibition :)

  • http://www.laurajaneatelier.com Laura Jane Atelier
  • http://www.yanazino.com YZ

    The day when I was about to introduce my man-friend to my papa I rang him up beforehand to ask if he was decent and weather we could come up. He responded that he was and we could. So we came up, rang the bell- there was a noise behind the door. The door opens and there we see my papa in his silk boxers rolling out on the skateboard. Well, his house- his rules I reckon!

  • http://www.yanazino.com YZ

    The day when I was about to introduce my man-friend to my papa I rang him up beforehand to ask if he was decent and weather we could come up. He responded that he was and we could. So we came up, rang the bell- there was a noise behind the door. The door opens and there we see my papa in his silk boxers rolling out on the skateboard. Well, his house- his rules I reckon!

  • Kandeel

    My dad fainted in the hospital at the time of my birth. I reeally don’t know if thats a good or a bad thing??

    My dad jokingly insulted this lady in his mother tongue at our soon to be favourite chinese restaurant (it was our first visit). Turns out she was the owner, and spoke to us in our language. hella embarrassing for him.

    Also my dad called my brother a “son of a b****” at the time i didn’t know what the word meant, so i essentially started laughing because i thought he was indirectly insulting himself. well ¯_(ツ)_/¯

  • Pippa

    My dad cleans the filter in our backyard pond wearing speedos whilst standing in said pond (which is just over knee deep) listening to his ipod loudly on speakers, including his favourite hits such as snoop dogg and wiz khalifa’s ‘young, wild and free’ and the wanted’s ‘walks like rihanna’. he does not stop when visitors come to the house.

  • Chazie

    My dad went through a phase where he played the same Air Supply cd in the car at all times. At home every night he would play the corresponding concert dvd. ALMOST EVERY NIGHT. I know every Air Supply song by heart now. He went through the same phase with Celine Dion as well. hahahahha
    And whenever I mention money or say the word pocket my dad will start doing what he calls gansta dancing and sings “20 dollars in my pockeeeett!”, that’s the only words from “Thrift Shop” he knows. I love my dad.

  • Boue-Aust

    After the divorce my Dad had a brief “single and ready to mingle” stage.
    This consisted of bar hopping, growing a fuzzy patch of hair under his bottom lip (that he liked to scratch at with his top teeth) tight black t-shirts and strong man perfume.
    He also liked to come home after a night out, complaining “I had two fat chicks that would not stop trying to dance on me…must be my sexy tight pants” I was 11 and my sister was 15….

  • hellpellet

    My Dad took us to the beach, way back in the day. He was wearing swim trunks, black dress socks and dressy zip up boots. I knew it was not a good look. It’s funny thinking about it now. My Dad absolutely gave no fucks. Awesome.

  • Anna

    Freshman year of high school (a super religious high school, I might add), I am waiting for my father to pick me up from soccer practice. Lots of other kids were doing the same. My dad pulls up, all windows down, blasting Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On.” Thanks, Dad!

  • rhiarhia

    My dad once made a $5 donation to George W. Bush, which got him a thank you gift of a signed glossy photo of the guy in the mail. He stuck on the wall above his desk, which was near the entryway of our house. It didn’t match his actual politics/personality at all, but he’d play the part of Mr. Crazy Republican to anyone who came over and got caught looking at it curiously (including my friends, our relatives, the UPS guy, etc.).

SHOW MORE COMMENTS