Golden Globe Superlatives
I like to play this game at the end of every trip that I call Highs and Lows. In it, all participating members of said trip are expected to share their vacation highs and their vacation lows. So for example, if I were just swimming on the Amalfi Coast and found myself in barbaric pain because of a jelly fish sting that left me no choice but to allow a fisherman in Positano to urinate on my arm to get the slimy mother fucker off me all the while remembering the day earlier, when I ate a Nutella crepe with my boyfriend, Leonardo DiCaprio, the vacation high would have been the crepe + Leo and the low would have been Italian urine on my arm + sting.
A similar gaming formula can be implemented for the Golden Globes which, duh, occurred last night. But if I’m going to be really honest, I don’t care that much about them. I’m not particularly fond of black tie outfitting nor am I of the greenery they use behind most of the images. If I’m going to be really, really honest, I’m afraid of what your reaction to that might sound like. I will say that the ceremony provides a good deal of interesting fodder to take the Internet through the following morning and in the spirit of that, there is absolutely no time like right now to talk highs and lows.
Should I go first?
1a. Amy Poehler and Tina Fey busting Tom Hanks’ chops and referring to the three hour award ceremony as act 1 in a Scorsese film.
1b. Diane Keaton accepting Woody Allen’s award in her tuxedo and with her slight, unassuming nationally televised language blunders.
2. Paula Patton showing up in a white dress that looked a little bit like a bedsheet but only if you were unaware that on the other side there was a full-fledged vagina cascading down her shoulder. Amelia asked a terrific question, one for which I don’t have an answer. When she tried that dress on and looked in the mirror and marveled in her reflection, what exactly was she thinking that made this the dress?
3. Every time the camera zoomed in on Jared Leto.
1. Twitter’s panic attack in conjunction with: Seamless Web not working for an hour (but also, the fact that it wasn’t working, which made eating really difficult) and Hayden Panettiere’s purchased Tom Ford dress. She bought it, she didn’t, tomato-toe-mah-to.
2. Jennifer Lawrence’s second annual photobomb — this time of Taylor Swift. This seems like a private joke that doesn’t stay funny very much longer than through the duration of its first tango. I know the Internet is still in awe of the phenomenal actress who is also really funny but I also wonder if there’s some sort of Curse of The Pixie Cut to talk about when considering Anne Hathaway having been awesome and then becoming the worst person ever and whether or not this will happen to J. Law?
3. THE FACT THAT NO ONE WORE DENIM.
I miss Justin and Britney.