Golden Globe Superlatives

January 13, 2014

I like to play this game at the end of every trip that I call Highs and Lows. In it, all participating members of said trip are expected to share their vacation highs and their vacation lows. So for example, if I were just swimming on the Amalfi Coast and found myself in barbaric pain because of a jelly fish sting that left me no choice but to allow a fisherman in Positano to urinate on my arm to get the slimy mother fucker off me all the while remembering the day earlier, when I ate a Nutella crepe with my boyfriend, Leonardo DiCaprio, the vacation high would have been the crepe + Leo and the low would have been Italian urine on my arm + sting.

A similar gaming formula can be implemented for the Golden Globes which, duh, occurred last night. But if I’m going to be really honest, I don’t care that much about them. I’m not particularly fond of black tie outfitting nor am I of the greenery they use behind most of the images. If I’m going to be really, really honest, I’m afraid of what your reaction to that might sound like. I will say that the ceremony provides a good deal of interesting fodder to take the Internet through the following morning and in the spirit of that, there is absolutely no time like right now to talk highs and lows.

Should I go first?

Fine.

Evening Highs:

1a. Amy Poehler and Tina Fey busting Tom Hanks’ chops and referring to the three hour award ceremony as act 1 in a Scorsese film.

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1b. Diane Keaton accepting Woody Allen’s award in her tuxedo and with her slight, unassuming nationally televised language blunders.

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2. Paula Patton showing up in a white dress that looked a little bit like a bedsheet but only if you were unaware that on the other side there was a full-fledged vagina cascading down her shoulder. Amelia asked a terrific question, one for which I don’t have an answer. When she tried that dress on and looked in the mirror and marveled in her reflection, what exactly was she thinking that made this the dress?

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3. Every time the camera zoomed in on Jared Leto.

Evening Lows:

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1. Twitter’s panic attack in conjunction with: Seamless Web not working for an hour (but also, the fact that it wasn’t working, which made eating really difficult) and Hayden Panettiere’s purchased Tom Ford dress. She bought it, she didn’t, tomato-toe-mah-to.

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2. Jennifer Lawrence’s second annual photobomb — this time of Taylor Swift. This seems like a private joke that doesn’t stay funny very much longer than through the duration of its first tango. I know the Internet is still in awe of the phenomenal actress who is also really funny but I also wonder if there’s some sort of Curse of The Pixie Cut to talk about when considering Anne Hathaway having been awesome and then becoming the worst person ever and whether or not this will happen to J. Law?

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3. THE FACT THAT NO ONE WORE DENIM.

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I miss Justin and Britney.

-Leandra Medine

  • Quinn Halman

    I thought last night’s show was great. The jokes were great, the speeches awkward, and I disliked very few dresses. My favourite was FOR SURE Emma Watson’s dress over pants. She looked amazing and it was something I don’t think I’ve ever seen done the the red carpet. I love JLaw but frankly, I miss her hair and was a little apprehensive about her dress of choice. I live tweeted my red carpet reactions and my mom gave me a RT so if that isn’t love, then what is?

  • Brie

    What did I miss? Why is Annie H-way a bad person? I must be out of the loop on this one. And I am not sure who looked hotter in their tux, Diane or Jared. Both were smokin’.

  • http://jessjoycej.wordpress.com/ Jessica Joyce

    And I thought I was the only one wondering where Annie Hathaway had gone. Let’s give it up once again for the Jared Leto’s hair, but also Golden Globe winner, Andy Samberg? What?

    Your Friend, Jess

  • http://www.MrEssentialist.com/ Mr Essentialist

    I loved Diane. She was the highlight, no doubt.
    http://www.mressentialist.com

  • kimair

    I wanted a photo of joaquin phoenix and jared leto together with their man-buns.

  • Ann

    Taylor is looking a bit bony… I hope she’s doing well.

  • Stef

    To be honest I was asleep off and on after the first half. But Andy and Amy’s improvised (?) acceptance speeches were great, as well as Diane’s ode to Woody, Lupita, Zoe and Zooey’s dresses, and of course the glowing Drew, Kerry and Olivia, because they’re pregnant and awesome.

  • jassyonyae

    Where is Zoe Saldana ? She was gorgeous

  • Ama

    LUPITA. That is all.

    • http://madamecouture.blogspot.com/ Emma Hager

      Same. She’s really smart, too.

  • http://fashioncognoscente.blogspot.com/ Fashion Cognoscente

    Totally agree with the pixie cute idea of being the death of a beloved, quirky actress. I actually thought that was the best Paula Patton look since, well forever, albeit she was wearing a cascading marshmallow dress. I tuned in just in time to see Channing, who looked sexy in a Gucci suit, despite his orange spray tan. So I suggest those of you missing Britney and Justin check out red carpet photos of Channing and his wife Jenna in her stunning Roberto Cavalli gown.

  • Katie

    The best moment proceeded the second best moment (which was when Amy Poehler won for Parks and Rec). The first best moment was when Tina gushed over how proud she was of her gal Amy and said, “There’s a special place in hell for you.” LOL forever at Taylor Swift.

  • Katie

    Third best moment was when Amy Poehler and Bono made out.

  • Meg

    The high was Matthew McConaughey’s Dolce jacket and the low was that god awful moment when Amy Adams stepped out of the car wearing that cape because well, LUPITA people!!

  • Becca Barton

    I think we should also add Randy to the discussion. And…go.

  • http://ravenmaidenmaven.blogspot.com/ Lydia Teo

    OMG the last picture made my day!

  • http://funkymonkynancy.tumblr.com/ Nancy S.

    Is that body guard in the back sleeping? Or pretending to be a pointing statue….

    The Artistically Challenged: Beauty, Fashion, Music, Lifestyle Blog

  • Domonique

    Yes, yes and yes! I’m also pleased someone’s brought up J.Law’s antics!

    Oh and long live denim, on denim, on denim, on denim….

    x

  • Amelia Diamond
    • http://madamecouture.blogspot.com/ Emma Hager

      Hahah that rocked.

  • Sophia Simons

    OMG, I thought you meant Jude Law.

  • https://www.etsy.com/shop/amatoriaclothing Amatoria Clothing

    HAHA! As soon as I saw Paula Patton I knew you would add it to the list of “Things that look like Vaginas”.
    Also… While Lupita obviously looks STUNNING and PERFECT… I couldn’t help but think of Gwyneth Paltrow at the Oscars in that Tom Ford dress and Cape.

  • http://madamecouture.blogspot.com/ Emma Hager

    I actually thought the most interesting part of the evening was the backlash against Woody Allen’s award from Mia and Ronan Farrow. Woody Allen the artist is phenomenal….but the man is another story.